tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-138485042024-03-07T03:09:56.371-06:00The Fortress of SoliloquyOne blog in search of a reader.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1277125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-45915985918891877322023-10-21T07:17:00.004-05:002023-10-21T07:17:43.299-05:00BentAs you might be able to tell by the lack of posting, this has been the most hellaciously busy month or so of the year. Planning to resume posting in November!<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-81332935202609303942023-09-27T12:00:00.001-05:002023-09-27T12:00:00.161-05:00Ender Bender 18: Chapter 11, "Veni Vidi Vici" (Part 1)Graff is worried that the battle schedule they've developed for Ender will burn him out. He says not one word about any of the kids under Ender's command, even though they presumably have the same schedule. As we all know, it's the commanding officers who work the hardest in war. There's that System of a Down song about it (<i>2023 Tom's Note</i>: I honestly have no idea what I was referencing here, but apparently at one point I knew a third System of a Down song). They also talk about how Russia is afraid of some Internet trolls destabilizing world governments and boy was it nice when that kind of thing was limited to dystopian science fiction novels.<div><br /></div><div>Once we get past the ping-pong dialogue bit, we learn that Ender has been training his army in an unconventional way, breaking them into small groups with individual leaders that could act semi-independently, like some sort of chain of command. It's a brilliant idea that only a ten-year-old brain genius or literally any high school band director could come up with. Ender wonders why this happened.</div><div><blockquote>Did they give him thirty Launchies, many of them underage, because they knew the little boys were quick learners, quick thinkers? Or was this what any similar group could become under a commander who knew what he wanted his army to do, and knew how to teach them to do it?</blockquote></div><div>I think it's telling that both of these options center Ender. Either he's been assigned kids who are just really good at learning the way he was, or he's just so good at teaching that he could make any team just as effective in a similar amount of time. The possibility that his team members are contributing something to the process never merits serious consideration. </div><div><br /></div><div>They're assigned to battle Rabbit Army, and naturally they dominate over the veteran team.</div><div><blockquote>Even with less than four weeks together, the way they fought already seemed like the only intelligent way, the only <i>possible</i> way.</blockquote></div><div>The entire enemy team is frozen, while Ender's army is mostly unscathed. Before he unfreezes Rabbit Army, he assembles his team in formation to win the psychological victory. </div><div><blockquote>They may curse us and lie about us, but they’ll remember that we destroyed them, and no matter what they say other soldiers and other commanders will see that in their eyes; in those Rabbit eyes, they’ll see us in neat formation, victorious and almost undamaged in our first battle</blockquote></div><div>This is, as it has been since the battle with Stilson, and as it will be through the end of the book, Card's most deliberate theme: Don't just beat your enemy, but beat them <i>down</i>, so they never even think about fighting again. It's the lesson that the teachers deliberately want Ender to learn, and in a more competent book, there might be some point where Ender repudiates it, but that never really happens. The book consistently validates this approach to warfare on both the large and small scale, in such a way that becomes utterly incoherent once you consider even some of the implications. But hey, let's leave something for the wrap-up posts. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>He wages a similar psychological battle on his army as well, playing the hardass commander but telling his subcommanders to be lenient, as a way of binding the groups together. This is, ultimately, similar to what he did with Bean last chapter, giving the soldiers a common enemy to unite against. It's nice that he's putting himself in the line of fire here, but since we haven't heard anything about Bean yet this chapter, it feels like picking a teacher's pet and then directing the soldiers' ire at the teacher is likely to just make things worse on him.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then there's this normal thought that a normal person would have:</div><div><blockquote>He washed himself twice and let the water run and run on him. It would all be recycled. Let everybody drink some of my sweat today.</blockquote></div><div>Hashtag just shower thoughts. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's some more training, Ender goes to lunch at the commanders' mess hall for the first time because it's been his first victory, which raises the question of where he's been eating for the last month, but apparently this is just how it works. More worldbuilding-by-retcon. Lunch is for winners. Naturally, he's at the top of the scoreboard. He has a conversation with Dink Meeker that causes Ender to question whether or not his friends are still his friends now that he's a hotshot commander. </div><div><blockquote>That's the problem with winning right from the start, thought Ender. You lose friends.</blockquote></div><div>"We're going to win so much, you're going to be sick and tired of winning."</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, the Rabbit army commander, Carn Carby, stops by to be a gracious loser again and shower Ender with some more praise. </div><div></div><blockquote><div>"I'll try," Carn Carby left, and Ender mentally added him to his private list of people who also qualified as human beings.</div><div></div></blockquote><div>Deciding which people are worthy of being considered human? Well, that's definitely a good look that won't later look bad in light of some kind of genocide. </div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of characters who are treated as second-class humans, Petra Arkanian is here. She deliberately ignores Ender all through Commander Lunch, and then the next morning he gets a last-minute announcement that he'll be battling her army. And here's where things get extremely frustrating, because Ender talks about how he was a member of Petra's army up until he received his command four weeks prior. </div><div><br /></div><div>We spent a fair amount of time with Bonzo and Rose the Nose, and how Ender chafed under their incompetent leadership. But then there's Petra, who by all accounts is clever and effective, who Ender considers a friend and a competent leader. He even almost gives her partial credit for how good Phoenix Army is:</div><div><blockquote>Partly because of Ender's influence, they were the most flexible of armies, responding relatively quickly to new situations.</blockquote></div><div>See, Ender's army is good because Ender is their commander. And Petra's army is good because Ender was a part of it, but also Petra being commander probably has something to do with it. Anyway, so much of these chapters have been belaboring Ender's lessons about what good leadership looks like, but when he finally gets a good leader? It merits two brief mentions three chapters ago, with nothing even approaching detail. We're told that Petra is one of a very small number of girls good enough to get into Battleschool (indeed, she's the only one we've even heard mentioned). We're told that commanders generally get some choice of soldiers, meaning she either deliberately picked Ender after watching him train launchies after hours or didn't ask to trade him when he was assigned to her. We're told that her army is really good and that she recognizes Ender's skills enough to make him a (sigh) toon leader. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_82r8DS0hEpxe_UhVS1P6KA9PSZvLKZNBYb8TMZoTXiloRiW2WhQSAhjMfOF_JsOFYXX6v-azONB14mlIwY4PppQq41wNCaW-WLbH9nBD1WU0TCSlNjjXbvLKWhOzLR6lK4qwow/s720/165447_921_bugs-bunny-long-haired-hare-warner-bros.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_82r8DS0hEpxe_UhVS1P6KA9PSZvLKZNBYb8TMZoTXiloRiW2WhQSAhjMfOF_JsOFYXX6v-azONB14mlIwY4PppQq41wNCaW-WLbH9nBD1WU0TCSlNjjXbvLKWhOzLR6lK4qwow/s320/165447_921_bugs-bunny-long-haired-hare-warner-bros.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>He spent at least half a year under her command, in an army that becomes so good it comes closer to beating Ender's than any other (which is still not very close), and none of his experiences, nothing that he learns merits a single mention.</div><div><br /></div><div>But when Ender's army beats hers, well...</div><div><div></div><blockquote><div>Petra was not gracious about bowing over his hand at the end, either. The anger in her eyes seemed to say, I was your friend, and you humiliate me like this?</div><div>Ender pretended not to notice her fury. He figured that after a few more battles, she’d realize that in fact she had scored more hits against him than he expected anyone ever would again. And he was still learning from her. In practice today he would teach his toon leaders how to counter the tricks Petra had played on them. Soon they would be friends again.</div><div>He hoped.</div></blockquote><div></div></div><div>She's just irrationally angry, everyone! But it's okay, once she sees that she's the best of the people losing to someone who was her subordinate a month ago, all will be forgiven. Ender assumes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Nothing about this makes any sense, not Petra's anger and apparent feelings of betrayal, not Ender's optimism that she'd be his friend again in the end. Part of that is because Petra hasn't had a line of dialogue since Chapter 7—the chapter that <i>introduced her—</i>and that doesn't change here. A competent writer would have realized what an important moment it would be for the story for Ender to have an effective commander, one he considered a friend, after a string of people who underestimated or loathed him. A competent writer would have given us character interactions to illustrate how Ender being subordinate to Petra might have strained their friendship. A competent writer might recognize that Ender and Petra both belong to marginalized groups in this world—Petra being a girl, Ender being a Third—so both have to be ten times better than everyone else just to be taken seriously, and that this could be a common experience that they bond over but also something that creates conflict when they’re pitted against each other. A competent writer would have laid <i>some</i> groundwork for this interaction, but Orson Scott Card mentioned Petra in passing once or twice in the last four chapters and then gives us this moment where a friendship that's been an afterthought at best breaks for no clear reason besides Petra being irrationally emotional and unable to see the bigger picture. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it all happens without her saying a word. Ender needs no input from her in order to perfectly interpret her state of mind. Our omniscient narrator, everyone.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and he trades some more barbs with Bean that clearly upset the younger kid. Leadership!<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>After seven straight days of victories, Ender is beloved by some commanders and reviled by others, but he's clearly better than all of them.</div><div><blockquote>A few of them sat with him at every meal, carefully trying to learn from him how he had defeated his most recent opponents. He told them freely, confident that few of them would know how to train their soldiers and their toon leaders to duplicate what his could do.</blockquote></div><div>And I'd like to contrast that quotation with this one: </div><div><blockquote>There were many, too, who hated him. Hated him for being young, for being excellent, for having made their victories look paltry and weak.</blockquote></div><div>Yes, that's why they hate you, Ender. Because you're young and excellent and better than them, not because you're a condescending, supercilious ass who deliberately tries to demoralize your opponents. Like, Ender acts like he knows that the purpose of Battle School is to turn out precisely one Perfect Chosen General who is better than all the others. And narratively, he's right, just as Hogwarts was designed to facilitate the adventures of one Chosen Doofus and his pals, but it doesn't make sense for the character to behave like he knows that's the case. If the school's understood goal is to produce the leaders of the army that's going to protect the human race, wouldn't it make sense for him to try to train the interested commanders hard enough that they <i>could</i> understand his methods and communicated them to their soldiers and toon leaders? Wouldn't that be a natural evolution of the leadership he showed as a soldier, training interested launchies in his free time?</div><div> </div><div>But why bother with character development when your character is already perfect? <br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-56875460472542744052023-09-20T12:00:00.001-05:002023-09-20T12:00:00.138-05:00Ender Bender 17: Chapter 10, "Dragon"Oh cool, this is the chapter where Ender glues Colonel Graff to a wheelchair and lights him on fire. "Valentine: changing. Do you see?"<br /><div><br /></div><div>We begin, as usual, with a conversation between Colonel Swan and Murphy Anderson. They make explicit here at the beginning all the stuff that Ender's going to figure out in the chapter, because Orson Scott Card learned that the four r's of writing are repetition, redundancy, repetition, and really uncomfortable descriptions of naked children. It's important for military leaders to give firm direct orders, not to make suggestions. Ender's been deliberately given a taste of happiness and companionship just so he can be made isolated and miserable again. Oh, and they're making him a commander.</div><div><br /></div><div>Entering the chapter proper, Ender gains command of Dragon Army, which hasn't existed in some time because it's <i>cursed</i> and boy does "kid is assigned to the cursed house in a boarding school in space" sure makes this book sound better than it is. As commander, Ender <i>finally</i> gets a hook, the symbol of his authority, the tool that every commander has which allows them to move freely in the zero-gravity environment of the Battleroom. </div><blockquote><div>Many times during his evening practice sessions Ender had wished that he had a hook, instead of having to rebound off walls to get where he wanted to go.<br /></div></blockquote><div>Boy, wouldn't that moment have some gravitas if they'd mentioned the hook at any time previously in the book, or at least given an indication that Army Commanders had special abilities that the rest of their soldiers didn't? But instead, First-Draft Orson introduces it here, and further explains that it only works during scheduled practices which is why other commanders don't hold extra practice. But since Ender hasn't had one this whole time, he won't end up using it like a crutch the way all those <i>other</i> commanders do. </div><div> </div><blockquote><div>They depended on the hook, and it wouldn't do anything for them during the extra times. If they felt that the hook was their authority, their power over the other boys, then they were even less likely to work without it. That's an advantage I'll have over some of my enemies, Ender thought. <br /></div></blockquote><div>And this is just such frustratingly, characteristically bad writing at this point. It's like Card has read some book about story structure and understands that there needs to be an artifact to symbolize each transition to a new stage. When Ender became a launchie, he got his new desk. When he joined an Army, he got his uniform. And now, when he gets his own command, he needs something else to symbolize it, so they invent the hook. But the other artifacts had been properly seeded earlier in the story, and we're deep enough in the book that it feels strange to be introducing new elements, especially when you're retroactively saying that those elements have been present all along, that they've been vital aspects of strategy, and that Ender has been envious of them. <br /></div><div> </div><div>And it would be <i>so easy</i> to fix. Move the exposition about the hook to an earlier chapter. Insert a few lines describing how Bonzo uses it to soar around the Battleroom, elegantly dodging enemy fire, how Rosen always seems to use his as an afterthought but it often gets him out of imminent danger. A line of dialogue from Dink or Petra saying the commanders wouldn't be such hot stuff if they didn't have their hooks. </div><div><br /></div><div>But instead we get <i>this</i>, an exposition dump that tells us how Ender got a new thingy, and he always wanted the thingy, and all the other commanders have the thingy, but Ender doesn't even <i>need</i> the thingy, so that makes him <i>even more betterer</i> than them.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div></div><div>Ender is given the Island of Misfit Soldiers to command, rather than being able to choose or trade them. They're all younger and less experienced than him, but he decides to make the best of it, doing things differently from the other commanders he's served under by switching up the bunk assignments so he can get to know the younger soldiers as well as the veterans. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then he immediately sets in to berate and belittle them. He gives them three minutes to get dressed before practice, so...you know what's coming, right?</div><div></div><blockquote><div>After three minutes, though many of them still weren't dressed, he ordered them out of the room.</div><div>"But I'm naked!" said one boy.</div><div>"Dress faster next time. Three minutes from first call to running out the door—that's the rule this week. Next week the rule is two minutes. Move!" It would soon be a joke in the rest of the school that Dragon Army was so dumb they had to practice getting dressed.</div><div>Five of the boys were completely naked, carrying their flash suits as they ran through the corridors; few were fully dressed. They attracted a lot of attention as they passed open classroom doors. No one would be late again if he could help it.</div></blockquote><div></div><div>Ender is an abusive and bullying commander, re-enacting the same behaviors he's observed from superiors since he first strapped in on the rocket, down to berating his soldiers for their lack of understanding of zero-g physics, in case you needed the point driven home. He singles out the smallest kid, an underage boy named Bean (who Card helpfully informs us was one of the kids who'd been forced to run down the hall naked), a fast learner with an attitude, and isolates him just as Ender had been, both with insults and with praise. </div><div><br /></div><div>And to be fair to Ender, he realizes this is a problem even as he's doing it. </div><div><blockquote>Why am I doing this? What does this have to do with being a good commander, making one boy the target of all the others? Just because they did it to me, why should I do it to him?</blockquote></div><div>To be less fair, he comes up with a justification for why he has to be a hardass on his first day:</div><div><blockquote>On the first day even his mistakes had to look like part of a brilliant plan. </blockquote></div><div>Oh yeah, the sign of a great leader is pretending that every stumble is a part of their five-dimensional chess game. I can't possibly imagine how that could go badly, how pretending like a misstatement about drinking bleach or a typo about coffee is actually a brilliant secret message to supporters, could ever lead to any kinds of problems anywhere. </div><div> </div><div><i>2023 Tom's Note</i>: Feel free to replace those timely 2018-2020 references with, say, "pretending that your joke about buying a social media site for the weed number was actually about protecting free speech and removing bots."</div><div> </div><div>Also, wow, remember "covfefe"? Who would have thought that guy would be the figurehead of a fascist insurrection? Wild stuff. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>A little later, Bean does some showboating, and Ender has to restrain himself from punishing the kid, instead turning the moment into a learning experience for the other kids. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't have any military experience, but I do have some experience with managing kids, and I'm reminded of a story that a motivational speaker named Pat Quinn (not the former Illinois governor) told at a presentation I saw once. A teacher he'd once worked for would start the year, before any students arrived, by taking his trash can and putting it in the middle of the room. Then he would leave the room, let the students come in and find their seats, and would enter after them. Whereupon he would storm over to the trash can, say "Who the <i>hell</i> moved my trash can?!" and kick it across the room. </div><div><br /></div><div>He never had discipline issues. But it was because the kids feared him, because he'd shown himself to be irrational and unstable, not because he'd demonstrated any kind of good leadership abilities. It's hard to look at Ender's actions here, along with his and Grafderson's justifications, and not see an endorsement of the trash-kicking teacher model of achieving obedience, this idea that people will only follow you if they fear you.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ender leads his group through some more practice, and plans to have Alai and Shen assist during the evenings. He has a confrontation with Bean wherein he physically assaults the kid for being arrogant and seeing through his tactics. He realizes that he's acting like a bully, just like Bonzo and Peter, and just like his teachers have taught him to do. </div><div><br /></div><div>This could be a really interesting moment for Ender, recognizing that he's been abused and that he's perpetuating the cycle of abuse because it's all he knows how to do. This could be the moment where he decides that there's a better way. He almost gets there:</div><div><blockquote>Why couldn't he talk like he always did in his evening practice group? No authority except excellence. Never had to give orders, just made suggestions. But that wouldn't work, not with an army. His informal practice group didn't have to learn to do things together. They didn't have to develop a group feeling; they never had to learn how to hold together and trust each other in battle. They didn't have to respond instantly to commands.</blockquote></div><div>One thing that's been clear from the introduction to the book is that Card has a particular understanding of the military, that there is a commanding officer at the top and then a bunch of nameless interchangeable cogs that respond mechanically to the officer's commands, and that this isn't just the best system, but the only system that works. And this is why Ender <i>can't</i> break the cycle of abuse: because, at some level, Card seems to think that abuse is not just <i>effective</i>, but <i>necessary</i>. Bullies may not be fun to be around, but they get things done. We see this reinforced constantly. Graff's cruel manipulation molds Ender into the perfect soldier. Valentine is able to influence global politics using Peter's plan and tactics. Peter represents this extreme of cruelty; Valentine, the extreme of compassion; and Ender is the balance between the two. He's cruel to Bean and feels bad about it, but he's not going to stop, because cruelty <i>works</i>. <br /></div><div> </div><div><div>And given the trajectory of the rest of the story, the other things that are treated as unpleasant, but necessary because of their effectiveness, it's hard not to see this as a general endorsement that this is the way things <i>ought to be</i>.
Leaders ought to be manipulating their followers, because only leaders
can see the big picture and make the tough decisions. Problems only arise when the Wrong People become leaders; good leaders are Special People with Special Abilities who sound like Alexanders and
Napoleons and Caesars even as children. </div><div><br />It represents such an abhorrent tangle of ideologies, and given Card's other stated ideologies, that's not entirely surprising. <br /></div> </div><div>(One positive thing about taking ten years to write this series is that I finally read <i>Dune</i>
in 2021, and I strongly suspect that Orson Scott Card read it sometime
before 1978, but we'll get into that sometime in the wrap-up.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Ender's epiphany continues:</div><div><blockquote>Graff had deliberately set him up to be separate from the other boys, made it impossible for him to be close to them. And he began now to suspect the reasons behind it. It wasn't to unify the rest of the group—in fact, it was divisive. Graff had isolated Ender to make him struggle. To make him prove, not that he was competent, but that he was far better than everyone else.</blockquote></div><div>If Ender were a girl or a person of color or queer or disabled or otherwise marginalized, this would be some real on-the-nose allegory, but at least it would be making a statement. </div><div><br /></div><div>We're uncovering assumptions again: when people are forced to struggle, they come out stronger. It's a common variant on the just world fallacy, and here it's used as it so often is in reality: to justify abuse and cruelty. Recall again the Grafderson conversation that started the chapter: putting Ender through Hell has <i>worked</i>. Cruelty isn't pleasant, but it gets the job done. </div><div><br /></div><div>After practice, Ender learns that his evening practices are over because nobody wants their soldiers training with a different commander. This leads to an encounter with Alai. It gets uncomfortable really quickly.</div><div></div><blockquote><div>"You're a full cubit taller than I am."</div><div>"Cubit! Has God been telling you to build a boat or something? Or are you in an archaic mood?"</div><div>"Not archaic, just arcane. Secret, subtle, roundabout. I miss you already, you circumcised dog."</div><div></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhawqqe2RZrWeiDZGIhqQ5euU1b9py02A3RlvvX4mT2uJ_5mD7NgCS1Ci6T7UubiEw4-xB6WO_01A0O5zmiA8KRfsGRc7_ReEc8rqiAVpZBgmwdu5lZr9-KlmFK8opgiWjLWLa3og/s2111/y+tho.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2111" data-original-width="1813" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhawqqe2RZrWeiDZGIhqQ5euU1b9py02A3RlvvX4mT2uJ_5mD7NgCS1Ci6T7UubiEw4-xB6WO_01A0O5zmiA8KRfsGRc7_ReEc8rqiAVpZBgmwdu5lZr9-KlmFK8opgiWjLWLa3og/s320/y+tho.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>They have a genuinely good, tender moment.</div><div></div><blockquote><div>"Salaam, Alai."</div><div>"Alas, it is not to be."</div><div>"What isn't?"</div><div>"Peace. It's what salaam means. Peace be unto you."</div></blockquote><div></div><div>And they part, knowing that in the future, the system would force them to be rivals. Their friendship has changed. Well, I say "friendship," but...</div><div></div><blockquote><div>Ender felt as if part of himself had been taken away, an inward prop that was holding up his courage and confidence. With Alai, to a degree impossible even with Shen, Ender had come to feel a unity so strong that the word <i>we</i> came to his lips more easily than <i>I.</i></div><div>But Alai had left something behind. Ender lay in bed, dozing into the night, and felt Alai's lips on his cheek as he muttered the word <i>peace</i>. </div></blockquote><div></div><div>There is certainly discourse to be had here about how toxic masculinity abhors intimacy outside the context of a heteronormative romantic relationship (and often even there), and how that can cause us to infer romance wherever we see intimacy. Ender compares Alai in this paragraph to Valentine, the other strong, unforgettable bond he has with another human being, his sibling. </div><div><br /></div><div>But there's also the fact that Ender's relationships with Shen and Alai are consistently described in very romantic ways. There's the scene where he watches Shen undress and float around, and now he's lying in bed remembering how Alai kissed him. Finding subtext here is not exactly a stretch. And it's fascinating how, in the midst of this very weird and creepy book by a raging homophobe, we <i>are</i> getting these intimate homosocial-if-not-homoromantic relationships. Are there <i>Ender's Game</i> shippers on Tumblr? </div><div> </div><div><i>2023 Tom's Note</i>: I wrote that section above back in 2020, and the topic of <i>Ender's Game</i> and queerness is something I'm going to have to dig into in the wrap-up, because having gone back and re-read the book, I was only even scratching the surface three years ago. This is a rich vein, and my fumbling around on JSTOR has not turned up as much scholarship on the topic as I would have expected. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Ender resolves to be strong enough to defeat his teachers, which puts us right back into that cycle of abuse issue. He recognizes that they are using his bonds with Alai and Valentine to isolate him and break him down, but he also thinks those tactics are useful enough to be doing them himself. If the manipulation he's felt from his teachers has made him strong enough to stand against them, doesn't that justify the methods? Doesn't that prove them right?</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I had confidence that the book was even aware of this question, let alone that it would eventually address it in a satisfying way. Ah well. 52%</div><div> </div><div><i>2023 Tom's Note</i>: Oh, you poor innocent fool. <br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-43177470352674363652023-09-13T12:00:00.001-05:002023-09-13T12:00:00.141-05:00Ender Bender 16: Chapter 9, "Locke & Demosthenes" (Part 3)I never thought I'd be relieved to be following Ender's exploits again. <span id="fullpost"></span><br />
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Nothing was different, nothing had changed in a year. Ender was sure of it, and yet it all seemed to have gone sour.</div>
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Ender and his friends have risen up in the world, even the teachers respect him, but he's sad because none of his peers treat him like a peer. Gosh, maybe it's because he's spent the entire time that he's been here in Battleschool acting like he's superior to everyone.<br />
<br />
So he wallows in self-pity, then plays his video game. Orson Scott Card invented GamerGate.<br />
<br />Some dwarves have made a village out of the giant's corpse, but Ender just can't figure out how to get past the castle at the End of the World, where he always sees his brother's face and he always dies. Card may have been able to predict 4Chan, but he couldn't predict GameFAQs.</p><p>And just like that, we're back to Valentine. Military officers are at her school, and she's afraid that her secret identity's been exposed. But no, Colonel Graff has come at great expense to ask her why Ender keeps seeing Peter's face in the computer game. In the future, the Internet and Message Boards exist, but not Skype (<i>2020 Tom's note</i>: this paragraph was written in 2018. Readers in 2020 should substitute Zoom in this very timely technology reference). The fact that the Colonel is asking Valentine about a game she's never played and a brother she hasn't had contact with in years is lampshaded, but Graff <span style="background-color: white;">threatens the Wiggin family</span> if she doesn't share her insights.</p><p>So Valentine relents and describes Peter's bullying and manipulation tactics, and his threats to murder his siblings. And then she falls into a shame spiral about how she's been pulled into Peter's plans and abandoned Ender, in case you wondered whether the other female character in this book has any individuality beyond her relationship to male characters. Graff convinces her to write a reassuring letter to Ender, to tell him that he's not actually like Peter, which would likely be more convincing if she knew about what Ender's been doing that makes him feel like he's going down that path. There's a bit more of "the military is mean and unfair and shitty for no reason," but Valentine eventually gives in because she's ultimately kind of spineless and there's a "you can't fight city hall" message woven throughout this book.</p><p></p><p>Which is maybe the part that feels the most out of place from a 21st century standpoint. For all that <i>Ender's Game</i> presaged the world of modern YA, with fantastic schools where exceptional young people are sorted into competing teams and get caught up in a larger conflict, most of them involve some degree of rebellion against an oppressive state. Even the <i>Harry Potter</i> series—and I think there are a lot of comparisons to be drawn between Card and Rowling both as writers and as people—which is ultimately about protecting and maintaining a rightful state system, has the heroes fighting back when that system is corrupted. But in <i>Ender's Game</i>, at least this first book, for as sinister and incompetent and oppressive the government systems are, no one ever even discusses overthrowing them or rebelling against them. "The adults are the enemy," but unlike every other enemy in this book, no effort is made to fight them, let alone leave them so completely destroyed that they do not try to start another fight. <br /></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maybe that's later in the series? I doubt I'll ever know. <br />
<br />
So Ender reads the letter. She calls Peter a "slumbitch" and misspells "psychoanalyze" in ways that are apparently distinctive to Valentine even though we've never seen her do any of those things in the book up 'til now. They're payoffs to things that have never been setup, callbacks to details that were never called forward, like so many of the moments in this book. We get some waffling about whether or not Valentine actually wrote it and whether or not it matters because it wasn't her decision to write it and it had to have been approved by the military, which leads us right back into how the military is bad. And look, I'm not unsympathetic to that point of view, I just think I come to that conclusion from the exact opposite position as Card.<br />
<br />
Ender cries, then loads up his video game, and for the first time in awhile I feel a sense of verisimilitude. Been there, buddy.<br />
<br />
He decides he's not going to play their games anymore and so he plays their game some more in protest. But this time he doesn't kill the snake, he <i>kisses</i> it, and then it turns into Valentine and kisses him back. Instead of Peter, the mirror shows them their fursonas, and then they get to advance past the room where Ender had been stuck.<br />
<br /><i>2020 Tom's note</i>: There's no way it actually gave Ender and Valentine fursonas. That was a joke I came up with in 2018, clearly.<br />
</p><blockquote class="tr_bq">
She arose from the floor of the tower room and walked to the mirror. Ender made his figure also rise and go with her. They stood before the mirror, where instead of Peter's cruel reflection there stood a dragon and a unicorn. </blockquote><p>
Huh. Orson Scott Card predicted FurAffinity.<br />
<br />
Valentine gets a letter from the Strategos, and I don't think we've been told before that his name is Shimon Levy, which feels oddly reminiscent of the "male witch" Isaac Horowitz from Christian rapper Carman's "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJiheZ3aEug">Witch's Invitation</a>." I suppose it's not so much offensive as stereotypical, but boy oh boy. Anyway, Valentine wins an award for her assistance to the war effort, but won't actually receive it until the war is over. She's angry at how she's been used and goes passive-aggressive through her online avatar, and god I hope this is the last I have to read of this plot cul-de-sac.</p><p><i>2023 Tom's Note</i>: it's not! <br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-86113328491111685262023-09-06T12:00:00.001-05:002023-09-06T12:00:00.139-05:00Ender Bender 15: Chapter 9, "Locke & Demosthenes" (Part 2)In this chapter, Orson Scott Card pioneers trolling, sockpuppeting, and catfishing.<br />
<br />
No, seriously. Valentine and Peter get access to the unrestricted Internet and immediately begin creating anonymous accounts with fake identities and getting into debates. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
At first Peter insisted that they be deliberately inflammatory. "We can't learn how our style of writing is working unless we get responses—and if we're bland, no one will answer."</blockquote>
That's, like, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll">textbook definition of trolling</a> from back in the Usenet/BBS days, before it just meant sending death threats to trans people.<br />
<br />
The feedback they get helps them make their writing sound more adult, and once they do that, they can properly catfish the world's leaders. Their literal stated goal is to generate memes that influence global political agendas and eventually become so Internet famous by staging arguments with each other under their titular pseudonyms that by the time anyone figures out they're a couple of kids, nobody will be able to stop listening.<br />
<br />Orson "Lowtax" Card.<br /><div>
<br />Valentine's character gets an offer to write a column for a west coast newsnet.<br /><blockquote>"I can't do a weekly column," Valentine said. "I don't even have a monthly period yet."</blockquote>
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Well, it's true, they sure don't talk like real kids.<br />
<br />
Valentine doesn't like the way Peter's forced her character to be a "fairly paranoid anti-Russian writer," so I guess Orson Scott Card invented Louise Mensch too. Look, folks, I was not at all prepared for this chapter to be so relevant to 2018. (<i>Future Tom's note</i>: this post was written in 2018. For 2020 readers, feel free to update this trenchant political reference to Rachel Maddow, I guess).</div><div><br />
</div><div><i><b>Way Future Tom's Note</b></i>: Obviously I wrote the preceding paragraph in 2018 and revised it in 2020. I thought about re-revising it, but the political landscape regarding Russia has become so completely different since 2018 that there's not really a way to salvage the joke. Like, all the "fairly paranoid" types now are on Russia's side. What a difference a few years makes. I leave the unedited paragraph for you as an exercise in joke archaeology.<br />
</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />
And when Valentine stands up to Peter?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Are you <i>sure</i> you're not having a period, little woman?"</blockquote>
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Father Wiggin likes the cut of Demosthenes's jib, and Valentine's upset because she was sure only an idiot would agree with the ridiculous strawman arguments she puts into Demosthenes's articles. Arrogant teens starting accounts to troll people under the names of long-dead philosophers, and older generations falling for obvious strawman political accounts is so prescient it hurts my teeth.<br />
<br />
Locke gets a column in a New England newsnet, Peter talks about the Wiggin kids' collective pubic hair, and oh dear I've thrown my iPad across the room.<br />
<span id="fullpost"></span><div><br /></div><div><i>Future Tom's note</i>: there's no way that's actually in the book, right? I would have remembered that, right?</div><div><blockquote>A few days later Locke got picked up for a column in a New England newsnet, specifically to provide a contrasting view for their popular column from Demosthenes. "Not bad for two kids who've only got about eight pubic hairs between them," Peter said.</blockquote></div></div><div>Oh.</div><div> </div><div><b><i>Way Future Tom's Note</i></b>: You can tell this is bit is from 2023 because it's an I Think You Should Leave reference. I recently scrolled through the reviews for Ender's Game on <a href="https://www.thestorygraph.com/">The Storygraph</a>, and I just can't get over, especially in our current age of moral panics from the Puriteens and the anti-"Groomer" crusaders, how nobody seems to remark on the abundance of gross lines and creepy moments in this extremely popular book. I am increasingly convinced that more recent printings have edited out some of the more egregious content, because it feels like the only rational explanation beyond the entire world conspiring to gaslight me about a bad sci-fi novel from the '80s.<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-81999997067586917542023-08-30T12:00:00.001-05:002023-08-30T12:00:00.131-05:00Ender Bender 14: Chapter 9, "Locke and Demosthenes" (Part 1)God, could you have a more pretentious chapter title?<br />
<br />
Says the guy whose NaNoWriMo novel chapter titles were all quotes from T.S. Eliot poems. Glass houses, Tom.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
This chapter is another eight pages longer than the last chapter, and it's an interlude following Peter and Valentine. And they're talking about global politics. Combining the politics of Orson Scott Card with the politics of preteens is truly a heretofore undiscovered circle of hell, way to go. <br />
<br />
So our opening dialogue between people who are still unnecessarily unidentified explains that Ender is so good at computer games that he found a place that wasn't programmed! <br />
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And since the game is designed to be a mind game for the specific player, we get some thrilling conversation about the possible symbolic meanings of the levels. It's always good to have your characters trying to analyze the text in the text, right? That's why there's that conversation between Nick and Gatsby where Jay's like "hey, man, I think you're putting me on an unreasonable pedestal and overlooking my flaws in much the same way that I do with Daisy oh wait I need to rethink some things." <br />
<br />Anyway, they also talk about how the game is connected to the Future Internet and pulled up a more recent picture of Peter from the Guilford County North Carolina school system, and that's the first of a couple of times that this chapter decides to get really, really specific about geography. Once the chapter starts in earnest, we learn that the Wiggin family has moved to Greensboro, North Carolina, which is, entirely coincidentally, also where Card lives. It's fine to set stories in real places and to pull from real-life experience when you're writing, but it's weird to start developing this sense of place when you're more than halfway through the book. <div><br /></div><div>I've talked about this in earlier posts, but going back to read the book all in one go made the problem so apparent that it's hard to believe there's any other explanation: I don't think Card ever went back and changed anything significant in earlier sections once later sections were written. He talks in the introduction about "the necessity of being harsh with your own material, excising or rewriting anything that doesn't work" and that he "fix[ed] the errors and contradictions and stylistic excesses" of the first edition, but I see little evidence of that. What I see, throughout an introduction where his smarmy self-assuredness reminds me of no one so much as Dilbert scribe Scott Adams and throughout a text where he is constantly introducing plot elements only immediately before they are relevant rather than when they might more naturally occur in the narrative, is a guy who can't be harsh with his own material because he can't recognize when something doesn't work (or when something else might work better). </div><div><br /></div><div>The establishment of the Wiggin home only after they have moved is like so many of those details, ones that could have easily been dropped in description or flavor text or exposition sometime earlier, but instead end up in awkward "as you know Bob" paragraphs peppered through the text. It's hard to see these as any kind of deliberate stylistic choice; like the ever-increasing chapter length (two thirds of the chapters make up roughly half of the book's overall text), it feels like a matter of poor planning or poor editing, or both. </div><div><div><br /></div><div>Moving to Greensboro was meant to be therapy for Peter, hoping that nature would curb his violent impulses. The degree to which authorities are aware of Peter's violence varies wildly throughout the book; here, it's severe enough to uproot the family but also nobody ever really follows up on it. Much of this is chalked up to Peter's manipulativeness, but it ends up being one of a variety of places where we just have to accept that the Wiggin kids aren't just gifted, aren't just mature for their ages, but are vastly more intelligent than everyone around them. It's one of several places where some Ayn Rand seems to seep through the text, not just that the vague eugenics of the Genetically Perfect Chosen One narrative, but the sneering contempt for anyone outside of an elite inner circle. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, instead of getting better, Peter is ticking off the serial killer checklist by torturing and dissecting various woodland creatures. He's also a student of Google University, and beloved by the faculty as a result, which is probably a consequence of this book being written before the modern Internet. A violent reactionary conservative teenager who thinks he knows everything because of what he's read online? Oh yeah, that's every teacher's favorite student.<br /></div><div>
<br />
We're told that Peter studies the "binding of cells into organisms through the philotic collation of DNA," and...</div><div> </div><div>Okay, I know, criticizing the science fiction book for its fictional science is nitpicky. But the thing is, we know how cells bind together. We know how DNA works. Neither of those things was particularly mysterious in 1985. The "philotic" thing is Card's Unobtanium; we learn later that it's the branch of physics derived from studying Bugger tech that allows for faster-than-light communication and gravity manipulation. And I don't really have much problem with any of that (though I think the term is goofy and an otherwise-mostly-hard-SF book like this one could have more easily gotten to this point through discussing existing physics concepts like quantum entanglement and gravitons). My problem is invoking it to explain <i>something we already understood</i>. It'd be like Qui-Gon saying that the Midichlorians are what allow people to tap into the Force and are what keep the planets in orbit around the sun. </div><div><br /></div><div>
With an interminable back-and-forth, Peter explains that he's decided not to kill Valentine because Russia is mobilizing their military, in advance (he thinks) of some change in the Bugger War that will lead to a dissolution of the tenuous world peace. Between this and Watchmen, it's interesting that "an alien invasion is all that can bring the world's governments together peacefully" was apparently such a common idea in 1985.<br />
<br />
Peter points out that he and Valentine don't think or talk or write like other children, hanging a lampshade on the obvious. If there were any children who <i>did</i> talk or write like other children in this book who could provide a contrast, this might be interesting. Instead, it just feels like it's handwaving how every character has the same damn voice.<br />
<br />
Long story short, Peter is good at intimidation, Valentine is good at persuasion, and Peter wants her help to say the right things to the right people to preserve world peace, because on the Internet nobody knows you're a dog or a 12-year-old psychopath.<br />
<br />
Also, they call it "the nets," and that is hilarious.<br />
<br />Valentine's internal monologue lays the entire exchange out on the table, analyzing her character and Peter's so that the reader doesn't have to.</div><blockquote><div>In a way, she actually preferred Peter to other people because of this. He always, always acted out of intelligent self-interest.</div></blockquote><p>And...</p><blockquote><p>"Think what Pericles did in Athens, and Demosthenes—"<br />"Yes, they managed to wreck Athens twice."<br />"Pericles, yes, but Demosthenes was right about Philip—"<br />"Or provoked him—"<br />"See? This is what historians usually do, quibble about cause and effect when the point is, there are times when the world is in flux and the right voice in the right place can move the world."<br /></p></blockquote><p>Keep quotes like that in mind when I bring up the deeply conservative, anti-intellectual, Ayn Randian influences on this book in the wrap-up post.<br /></p><div>There's no need for metaphor or interpretation because Card tells you the exact subtext and context for every line of dialogue, and exactly what Valentine's motivations are and what she thinks Peter's must be, in enough detail that it occasionally reads like Vizzini working through the Iocane gambit. It's thoroughly telling-not-showing, and it would have a greater impact if it left something up to the reader. For all that this book is praised as not talking down to gifted kids, it sure does hold your hand through any situation that might have any ambiguity to it.<br />
<br />
Which brings us back to the conversation at the beginning, where two characters analyze the text so the reader doesn't have to. No sense trying to imagine what a character's motivation is, they'll tell you, and if your point-of-view character doesn't know for sure what another character's motivation is, they'll exhaustively examine all the possibilities. It's like the book is reading itself for you. <div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRdqZO1N4MbcosastzsrHaLKeItpluolLmhrWsFGKzy7jj-MbCiy9HI0BE82eWZe-KIna9pDfeCCrTWpRnoqUKnXkyFmsoWAMFJ3JW69S0FNH6bS3BJsOA8-SGcohNtA8-Alv4lQ/s1200/subtext.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRdqZO1N4MbcosastzsrHaLKeItpluolLmhrWsFGKzy7jj-MbCiy9HI0BE82eWZe-KIna9pDfeCCrTWpRnoqUKnXkyFmsoWAMFJ3JW69S0FNH6bS3BJsOA8-SGcohNtA8-Alv4lQ/s320/subtext.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Hey, remember in the introduction when Card scoffed at critics who thought "anything that the general public can understand without mediation is worthless drivel"? When he said that he "designed <i>Ender's Game</i> to be as clear and accessible as any story of [his] could possibly be"? This, I think, is what he meant. He didn't set out to avoid allegory and dense symbolism—quite the opposite, given all his bloviating about military history and the great generals who inspired the story. He didn't set out to tell a complete and clear story that was compelling even if you didn't understand the deeper layers. He set out to tell a story that left nothing to chance, that spoonfed every bit of meaning to the reader so they couldn't possibly miss the meanings and messages. It's a story that doesn't <i>trust</i> the reader to get anything that isn't explicitly stated. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's extremely condescending. Which is ironic, given that the book is often specifically praised for not talking down to its reader base. </div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-74790449559089797322023-08-28T21:01:00.002-05:002023-08-28T21:01:32.556-05:0047% → 73% → 100%<div></div><blockquote><div>Remember 2013?</div><span id="fullpost"></span><div><br /></div><div>I know, it feels like several lifetimes ago. Let me help. "The Wolverine" was in theaters (remember theaters?), but we were all still coming down from our collective "Pacific Rim" high, still using that jaeger generator. Doge memes blanketed the Internet as thickly as discourse about the sketchy gender politics of "Blurred Lines." Ted Cruz was ascendant, about to shut down the government over Obamacare and not yet reduced to picking proxy fights with Ron Perlman or stoking sieges on his workplace. </div><div><br /></div><div>And I started reading beloved children's sci-fi novel <i>Ender's Game</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>Between August, 2013 and July, 2017, I read and wrote about the book for a series I called <a href="http://www.the-fos.net/search/label/Ender%20Bender">Ender Bender</a>, which (like every series I've tried to do for this blog—remember when I tried to watch every episode of "Silverhawks"?) started out with regular posts and an ambitious plan that petered out into very occasional posting as I got busy with other things and lost interest. I returned to draft a few more posts in early 2018, intending to finally finish the series, but never published them. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not a person who leaves books unfinished often. I've thought about the books I've abandoned for one reason or another, and I don't think there's more than two dozen across my whole life. <i>On the Road</i>, <i>Stranger in a Strange Land</i>, <i>The Heart is a Lonely Hunter</i>, I remember nearly all of them. Some of them I intend to return to someday. </div><div><br /></div><div>I left <i>Ender's Game</i> at 47% complete on my iPad. </div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zT8MBaHobxGLv3PKf373tVkMTqhFy93XqqydHxLiBQGQ5s2i28t-AxDGNVhWKyz8b3kfGbN6aAf82SZ_n15J2MQe55Ma2t4iKjuFxM8WaiJn5fDEcZ9e4wR-1BY4JcpAnRE76w/s665/IMG_1543.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="665" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_zT8MBaHobxGLv3PKf373tVkMTqhFy93XqqydHxLiBQGQ5s2i28t-AxDGNVhWKyz8b3kfGbN6aAf82SZ_n15J2MQe55Ma2t4iKjuFxM8WaiJn5fDEcZ9e4wR-1BY4JcpAnRE76w/s320/IMG_1543.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing a percent next to the word "game" triggers something deep in me. I'm the guy who completes every Riddler challenge in an Arkham game. So when I found myself thinking about <i>Ender's Game</i> recently, I decided to see if anyone else out there was talking about how much of this book is about <i>bigoted children who are constantly naked</i>. I understand there's a genocide later that probably dominates most people's memories, but, like, I went into <i>It</i> knowing about the preteen orgy, you'd think someone would have mentioned <i>something</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>In searching for discourse, I came across a series by Will Wildman, also started in 2013 (and, improbably finished in 2013 like some kind of responsible blog series), at the blog <a href="http://somethingshortandsnappy.blogspot.com/2016/07/enders-game-index.html">Something Short and Snappy</a>, doing something similar to what I would start a few months later. Reading the first few posts there and rereading my own posts got me to decide that I should occasionally try to finish something.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I'm bringing Ender Bender to a close, for real this time. You can go back and read those old posts like I did, and marvel at how extremely of their times they are (I used the word "transgendered" like it's a verb! I made <i>several</i> references to "Welcome to Night Vale"!). And then feel free to plow ahead, because it's finally happening. The book is finished, the posts are written, and everything is scheduled (or will be before I publish <i>this</i> post). I hope you enjoy it, person who still reads blogs in <strike>2020</strike> 2021. </div></blockquote><p>As you might be able to guess, I didn't write that recently. Back in 2020, when we were all going a little stir crazy, I decided to try to revive and finish Ender Bender. Obviously, I didn't succeed. I left the book at 73% and don't have a handy screenshot because between then and now, I upgraded to a different version of Marvin on my iPad. </p><p>This year, I've been trying to finish more things. I'm staring down the barrel of one of those round number birthdays and feeling some kinds of existential way. I don't know why Ender Bender is the project I settled on to finish this year. Maybe it's because I noticed that my first attempt to read <i>Ender's Game</i> was precisely ten years ago and that's another round number. Maybe it's because the culture war is currently engaged in genocidal moral panics involving book banning and accusations of child grooming, and this creepy-ass book's never going to enter the conversation because the author is on the same side as the Inquisitors. Maybe it's because of the rule of threes. </p><p>Whatever the reason, I did it, and I did it right. I went all the way back to the beginning this time, rather than trying to rely on memories and my own posts like I did three years ago. And I'm glad I did, because I noticed so much more this time than I did before, both because I had some idea what to expect, and because I'm just more mature and knowledgeable than I was at 29.</p><p>And so, I have finished reading <i>Ender's Game. </i></p><p>Which means I need to finish <i>writing</i> about it. I wrote several posts back in 2020 and 2021, getting all the way up to Chapter 13: Valentine, and leaving myself cryptic notes like "remember the magicians." I'm going to lightly revise those and then bring the series to a close over the course of the next several weeks, aiming for a post each week, and wrapping up with some kind of summary. I might even watch the dingdang movie. If anyone's still out there, I hope you'll join me on this overlong journey, or at least that you'll come back when it's over. </p><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-52442781064673945222023-03-09T22:06:00.004-06:002023-03-09T22:06:57.915-06:00Dawn happens every day<p>It is 2004. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2006. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p></p><p>It is 2011. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2014. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2016. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2018. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2021. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p>It is 2023. I am cautiously optimistic about the bold new direction for the Superman titles after a long period of floundering.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTThh12DyRo_TFilI9OSAzGjxf_UMjUFxLepiaDLpEi_lZRCH9BVyWo3vDHCk-3xny1-9xK4OkGXcdhQcwh4cKYLT_k-ztf0nYSv1IbwGMjSOS5Zb60sf_NQBQ1xSgXS1NyNbAIUt2bgE4Vtj8afL3rdw9-NjAbd84UxQVUz509XzljtSMHVY/s617/1619034.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Action Comics #1051 cover" border="0" data-original-height="617" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYuQJ4h9d7LDIpLZfK4nWx8O1iMWA2i3eLCq9D5gEQd0pN90CXMFGlWxvq_vayfxgxCNtqxGixoDKmEi14y8JraY8vEK_ltwFITHIgjh7oNEad8Ydihe6kLmJIDT2sdC0b7uonMXimQRKtDqfF3LKLxH0J3EDmpl0-6LSs0lXaEEiXYsrDDVo/w129-h200/1607810.jpg" width="129" /><img alt="Superman (2023) #1 cover" border="0" data-original-height="617" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0UmAr5-9AX-31e4WyQMfJNZ7RRMHXI8cq7fSJUSWFE1DX0k8n8jmDY3jcWwDQ8ByhZVD0WuZW3sue8z-tD1EwCraK6_DJ_oXQEZ2XyEsPQLbCfFEeP6vjDG4No8V61433Co6MDubBp0W6ED7FYWqyprrozjGqyMDEwUgu5zXb2o3yx0TwJIk/w129-h200/1614882.jpg" width="129" /><img alt="Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent #1 cover" border="0" data-original-height="617" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTThh12DyRo_TFilI9OSAzGjxf_UMjUFxLepiaDLpEi_lZRCH9BVyWo3vDHCk-3xny1-9xK4OkGXcdhQcwh4cKYLT_k-ztf0nYSv1IbwGMjSOS5Zb60sf_NQBQ1xSgXS1NyNbAIUt2bgE4Vtj8afL3rdw9-NjAbd84UxQVUz509XzljtSMHVY/w129-h200/1619034.jpg" width="129" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm just saying, I've been here before. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I've actually generally enjoyed the Superman comics of the last couple of years. The Warworld Saga was quite good, even if it maybe dragged on a little longer than necessary and definitely needed a recap page, maybe with some character headshots, at the start of each issue. <i>Son of Kal-El</i> has been less good, mostly because Jon has yet to develop anything resembling a personality, but I've been vocal about my issues with that <a href="https://twitter.com/Doubting_Tom/status/1534356322623315970?s=20">on worse sites</a>. <br /></div><p>On paper (which is how comics are printed), this is kind of exactly what I want. <i>Action</i> is now a Superman Family anthology book, and while a Power Girl spotlight and Danny J. rehashing the post-Convergence Lois & Clark status quo aren't exactly what I would have pegged for the initial backups, I'm happy that the former is getting a spotlight and that we're getting to spend more time with bearded Clark and young Jon. And I'm even happier that the Steels and Kong Kenan are in the main group. With Kon, Jon, and the adopted Phaelosians, it's probably hoping too much that we'll eventually see the return of Lor-Zod, but I can be optimistic. Phillip Kennedy Johnson has earned my trust for this run, and I hope he sticks it out for awhile. </p><p>I was a lot more worried about <i>Superman</i>. I thought Williamson's <i>Flash</i> series went off the rails pretty quickly, and the entire Dark Crisis saga was bad even on a purely technical level, let alone as a satisfying story or crossover event. My experience with Williamson of late has felt like he's been reheating Geoff Johns' and Scott Snyder's leftovers, and that has not made for entertaining comics. So I was blown away by <i>Superman</i> #1, which managed to strike precisely the right balance of getting back to basics while introducing enough new story hooks and conflict points to make things feel fresh. The way Superman's secret got put back in the bottle was dumb (and also the second time Manchester Black has been used to do precisely that thing, two_nickels.gif) but they gloss past it nicely here to get to a situation where Lex Luthor is the sinister voice in the back of Superman's head, voicing all of his anxieties and doubts. Lois chafing under the restrictions of being the <i>Planet's</i> temporary Chief makes for some good character beats, and repurposing LexCorp into SuperCorp (which feels like a knowing nod to CW fans) puts Superman in a fascinating position. There's a lot of promise here, and it reminds me a lot of the Busiek/Johns "Up, Up, and Away" story from the post-Infinite Crisis era, which kicked off a pretty decent run of comics, all things considered. I hope Jamal Campbell is in it for the long haul; I'm not particularly familiar with his work prior to this, but this book looks fantastic. </p><p><i>Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent</i>...remains probably the weakest link in the bunch. Giving Jon a secret identity is a good idea, and something that should have been done back at the start of <i>Son of Kal-El</i> (or, more accurately, should have been done for more than a few pages). Giving him the electric blue suit and powers is an even better idea (even if they keep dragging it out for no clear reason), I've been on the "give someone else in the Superman family that costume" bandwagon <a href="https://www.the-fos.net/2006/05/blue-prints-1-superboy.html">longer than anyone</a>. And the series sets up some good drama in Jon's changing powers, his ability to be a civilian for the first time, and how that affects his relationship with Jay, who is publicly recognized as Superman's boyfriend. </p><p>Except that it's ditching all of that to send Jon on a multiversal trip to battle Ultraman because they <i>finally</i> remembered what his backstory was, and have decided that Ultraman is just <a href="https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Gog_(Earth-22)">Gog</a> now. And it's all leading up to a crossover with the <strike>Tryhard</strike> Injustice universe, and I cannot roll my eyes hard enough. It's honestly nice to see Val-Zod, a character I missed out on but who has a nice design, but Jon's current problem has a lot to do with the fact that he has no clear anchor and few connections to the regular universe, and removing him from it <i>yet again</i> isn't going to fix that problem. Doing it so that Tom Taylor can take a little victory lap around Superman characters he's written just feels like a major disservice to a character who's already being effectively demoted and sidelined. It's a good looking book, and I welcome the chance to see my second-favorite Superman costume on somebody again, but I kind of hope this is Tom Taylor's swan song on the Son of Steel so that someone else can give the kid a real chance at being a star.</p><p>Where does that leave us in the long run? It's hard to say. I was just musing recently about what an amazing accomplishment it was that the post-Crisis brain trust managed to churn out a weekly comic of pretty consistently high quality for the better part of a decade, and how unique that is in the history of comics as a medium. We're unlikely to ever see anything like that again, but that doesn't mean we can't have a few years of the Superman comics being Good, Actually. You could say I'm cautiously optimistic, but [calculates average] I guess we'll check back in 2.375 years and see whether or not we're onto another bold new direction. <br /></p><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-2976579205963863332022-12-18T11:59:00.004-06:002022-12-18T11:59:50.068-06:00FElonyApropos of nothing, <a href="https://linktr.ee/tf1983">here's my Linktree</a> - <a href="https://linktr.ee/tf1983">https://linktr.ee/tf1983</a> with all the places you can follow me.<span id="fullpost"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-50074679673108433702022-03-05T14:53:00.001-06:002022-03-05T14:53:10.289-06:00My Revelations<div>I want to talk about "Masters of the Universe: Revelation." But I can't. Not yet. Because as I made my way through Part 2 of the series a few <strike>weeks</strike> months ago, I figured out why it wasn't quite clicking with me. And in order to talk about that, I'm going to have to tell a story. </div><div><br /></div>Way back in 1998, my eighth grade English/Language Arts teacher, the late great Mr. McKissick, assigned us a project: Write a pitch for a TV series. I'm sure it will surprise you to learn that I was just as much of a dork-ass nerd at 14 as I am now, so naturally my pitch was...<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbkeCGQ-4z7rg8-VUEcO1oOpV5JNtrqXQFOi5PrwjM6PiBrmjlMQRx8cePmN4jFNcMArvrqvFW9EVcKEDt_WKfnOdD1q_87wA_GdHyoevRVxxPPEcJSu3d1LQG8Q1RdrCZeVgYg/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The words "The Power of GRAYSKULL" written in way too many Windows 95 fonts." data-original-height="73" data-original-width="226" height="103" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbkeCGQ-4z7rg8-VUEcO1oOpV5JNtrqXQFOi5PrwjM6PiBrmjlMQRx8cePmN4jFNcMArvrqvFW9EVcKEDt_WKfnOdD1q_87wA_GdHyoevRVxxPPEcJSu3d1LQG8Q1RdrCZeVgYg/w320-h103/image.png" title="The words "The Power of GRAYSKULL" written in way too many Windows 95 fonts." width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>"The Power of Grayskull," a weekly hour-long animated series that would serve as a sequel to the original He-Man and She-Ra cartoons, while also introducing the adventures of He-Ro, the hero of Preternia, who fought King Hiss long before the time of He-Man. "The Power of Grayskull" was designed as a kind of anthology series, where each hour-long block would include two to three shorter stories following one of the three main casts, with the Sorceress and the Book of Living Spells as a framing device.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's worth remembering that in 1998, reviving a cancelled cartoon felt considerably more outlandish than it does today. There were a handful of soft-sequel reboots like "Beast Wars" and "Extreme Ghostbusters" (and "The New Adventures of He-Man" a few years earlier), but they rarely had much connection to their predecessors, for obvious reasons. </div><div><br /></div><div>To cast this series, I relied heavily on the original casts, with John Erwin and Melendy Britt reprising their roles as He-Man and She-Ra, respectively, and I filled in the rest of the roles as best I could with the information available on the pre-IMDb Internet. </div><div><br /></div><div>But not every character I wanted to use had a consistent voice actor in the original series, and not every voice actor was still around (RIP, Linda Gary). So to flesh out the cast, I looked to other prominent voice actors (i.e., the cast of "Beast Wars"). And when I exhausted that resource, I pulled a "Gargoyles" and filled in the rest with actors from "Star Trek."</div><div><br /></div><div>In the end, I think I made some ambitious choices (Leonard Nimoy as King Hiss? Sure!), some inspired choices (Nana Visitor and Dana Delaney as Evil-Lyn and Teela? Sounds good!), some choices so on-the-nose that even a Wizard Magazine Casting Call would consider them lazy (Brent Spiner as Roboto? Didn't have to think too hard about that one, did you?), and some really, really ill-considered choices (Jennifer "Kes" Lien as the Sorceress? Oh honey, no). </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh! And of course I included Mark Hamill...as Tung Lashor and Twistoid.</div><div><br /></div><div>I even started writing a pilot script, which I guess would have been one of my earliest pieces of He-Man fanfic. It's clearly an attempt to be a more mature take on the characters, beginning on the eve of Prince Adam and Princess Adora's 25th birthday, with Adora and her OTP Sea Hawk expecting twins. Adam and Teela are in a romantic relationship, and Skeletor returns after a long absence to an Evil-Lyn who is infatuated with him since he magically transformed her hate into love. </div><div><br /></div><div>So. Spoilers for "Masters of the Universe: Revelation" follow.</div><div><br /></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Have you ever had the experience where someone knows that you're a fan of something, and they get you a gift that's thoughtful, that shows they care about you and know about your interests, but also shows that they're not actually tuned into that subculture at all? "I know you like those comic books, so I got you this 'The Big Bang Theory' t-shirt," that kind of thing? That's what Masters of the Universe: Revelation feels like to me. It's well-intentioned, and I can't even say that it's <i>bad</i>, but it's just <i>not quite right</i> in a way that almost feels ungrateful to mention.</div><div><br /></div><div>The entire time I watched the series, I kept having this thought: "this just isn't for me." Which is kind of ridiculous. I love He-Man. I have strong opinions about Clamp Champ and Scare Glow. I wanted a more mature, continuity-heavy take on the He-Man mythos so badly that I spent a good portion of my high school years writing several. And it's helmed by Kevin Smith! Remember, this was me in 2008: </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiph8d4lyTFCep_GqBCcnU_NT2Tc1IvydccnBIi_9KPTe92Q7bX-HyMMWBA3XgGG7-nBV6bu9MnvE72hwYPm_gUv7luW2C6V0_s4ecx3QbX54dtzjcDfgh5as-NMw3Vy27u7cc7rg/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Your humble blogger dressed as Silent Bob from the View Askew movies." data-original-height="604" data-original-width="453" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiph8d4lyTFCep_GqBCcnU_NT2Tc1IvydccnBIi_9KPTe92Q7bX-HyMMWBA3XgGG7-nBV6bu9MnvE72hwYPm_gUv7luW2C6V0_s4ecx3QbX54dtzjcDfgh5as-NMw3Vy27u7cc7rg/" title="Your humble blogger dressed as Silent Bob from the View Askew movies." width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's for the look; I don't light it.</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"Masters of the Universe: Revelation" was made <i>precisely</i> for me. Or, at least, it was made precisely for the me I was at 16. I think high school Tom—the Tom who wrote New Adventures of He-Man fanfic and talked about MOTU lore nonstop on the e-mail listserv—would have loved this take. It does what I turned to fanfic to do: takes the mythos seriously and tries to tell a more mature story, where characters grow and have emotional depth and continuity matters. The 2002 Mike Young Productions series did some of that, but was also explicitly a reboot with redesigned characters that wasn't beholden to the old continuity in the ways that "Revelation" tries to be. In that way, "Revelation" is a lot closer to what I wanted to see, a sequel rather than yet another parallel continuity for a universe that already had so many different threads to follow. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That's part of its weakness, too. Because for all that "Revelation" was billed as a sequel to the '80s cartoon, it tries to be a sequel to (almost) everything that came before. We see King Grayskull and Tri-Klops' floating robot sentries, who were MYP additions. Pigboy and Blade appear from the 1987 Motion Picture, and a lot of the discussion of Eternia as the center of the universe derives from that story. We see a savage He-Man, clearly a reference to the early minicomics, and the sword is broken into two halves, much like it is in those early DC Comics stories. We even get Wundar, who was (sort of) invented by the MOTU Classics toyline, and Goat Man, who only appeared in a Golden Book. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I think that's where it starts to fall apart from me. For as much as "Revelation" respects past continuity, there are places where I couldn't help the "well, actually" impulse from bubbling up. For instance, they paid close enough attention to the continuity to catch onto the idea that Queen Marlena knew that Prince Adam was He-Man (something that is never outright stated, but has been a longstanding fan theory), but the friction between Adam and Randor makes it seem like "<a href="https://he-man.fandom.com/wiki/Prince_Adam_No_More">Prince Adam No More</a>" never happened. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">They wring a lot of pathos out of Orko having been a failure of a wizard on his homeworld of Trolla, but the original conceit of Trolla was that things worked backwards there, and Orko was known as Orko the Great because he was such a powerful wizard. This wasn't done consistently, but I chalk that up to "inconsistency" being another way that Trolla is different from Eternia. They also reveal that Orko is short for "Oracle," which would be fine if every other Trollan weren't named things like Montork and Yukkers and Snoob. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But the most glaring bit of this is the one that, I think, is pretty obviously due to licensing reasons. After Adam dies, Marlena and Randor's marriage begins falling apart, and she tells the resurrected Adam that it's because they couldn't handle losing a child. And folks, the word "again" would have done a <i>whole lot</i> to make that scene work for me. Marlena and Randor <i>already</i> lost a child, their infant daughter Adora, who was kidnapped shortly after birth by the Evil Horde—the same Horde who's teased at the very end of the series—and the Sorceress eventually cast a spell to make it so that only Marlena, Randor, and the Sorceress remembered Adora's existence. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's kind of a big deal. It's kind of a big part of the overall mythos. It's kind of the source of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/She-Ra_and_the_Princesses_of_Power">the best media that has ever come out of the whole Grayskull franchise</a>. The last time we saw these versions of these characters (more or less), they were celebrating Christmas with the whole "She-Ra" cast. In a show full of Easter eggs to obscure He-Man media, it's impossible to ignore the omission of half of the Filmation Universe. I understand that there are licensing reasons why they couldn't do this (see also: why there's no explicit He-Man references in "She-Ra and the Princesses of Power"), but even DreamWorks was able to use the word "Eternia."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Honestly though? Most of those complaints are such Comic Book Guy nitpicks that I kind of want to give myself a wedgie just for writing them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The same goes for my issues with the casting. Sarah Michelle Gellar does a good job as Teela, but her voice never feels like it matches her character design. I wish Mark Hamill went a little more nasal for his Skeletor voice (too often he sounds more like the "New Adventures" version of Skeletor rather than Alan Oppenheimer), and Alicia Silverstone sounds way too young and hip for Queen Marlena. But the rest of the cast is stellar—especially Lena Headey as Evil-Lyn—and even the ones that don't quite work for me certainly do a good job with the material. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So if all of the pieces are there, why didn't Revelation work for me? I think I would have overlooked the issues I have with casting and continuity if there were enough other factors that I liked. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It took me awhile to pinpoint my issue, but I think it's with the tones.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgNJ_z8UwOxPfO3cMiIE5mR_-2Bjegfm8C4BnmlnTeCqARCLemFl2WjAsCa5JxKkxWLM0kqVkyCa9GEAopEErNyS-WI4msx4H-R9h-KmrE5qrMFl0R7FRkGYVgw_lfFliJ250FZ1Gqz3lqBQYz4vWAaJPjUDjEClAGi_hLn6WmJ6C9et78szbI=s720" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kevin from the Masters of the Universe movie saying "But wait a minute...the tones?"" border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgNJ_z8UwOxPfO3cMiIE5mR_-2Bjegfm8C4BnmlnTeCqARCLemFl2WjAsCa5JxKkxWLM0kqVkyCa9GEAopEErNyS-WI4msx4H-R9h-KmrE5qrMFl0R7FRkGYVgw_lfFliJ250FZ1Gqz3lqBQYz4vWAaJPjUDjEClAGi_hLn6WmJ6C9et78szbI=w320-h213" title="Kevin from the Masters of the Universe movie saying "But wait a minute...the tones?"" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yes, Kevin, the tones. See, "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" was, to use <a href="http://www.the-isb.com/">Chris Sims</a>'s phrasing, a cartoon for little babies. What little violence they were allowed to show was just slightly more realistic than a Looney Tunes cartoon, and every episode ended with a simplistic moral to appease the watchdog groups. Skeletor is a character who once tried to eliminate an enemy by <a href="https://he-man.fandom.com/wiki/My_Friend,_My_Enemy">baking him a doomberry pie</a>, and famously said: </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKYYyfAvNRIDzAV1n3Dg-bi1f7sLkc5iXO6jZMwx6NuUpuxVkKZzVsVpfGY4e2eZJ6pByVcjsty8na5kZyPEHrwz4vzAURLlvBxpTkSMNtp4Nn9IZNc6CUpN0AOM4o-S_EZro9K-Bbl7vQid-4vMSHgbDTvBjdRYvZU29nmZh2ZiRGXFK3wBA=s720" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Skeletor saying "I don't like to feel good! I like to feel evil!"" border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="720" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKYYyfAvNRIDzAV1n3Dg-bi1f7sLkc5iXO6jZMwx6NuUpuxVkKZzVsVpfGY4e2eZJ6pByVcjsty8na5kZyPEHrwz4vzAURLlvBxpTkSMNtp4Nn9IZNc6CUpN0AOM4o-S_EZro9K-Bbl7vQid-4vMSHgbDTvBjdRYvZU29nmZh2ZiRGXFK3wBA=w320-h240" title="Skeletor saying "I don't like to feel good! I like to feel evil!"" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And, well, it's hard to reconcile that with the tone of "Revelation," where Clamp Champ and Fisto get blown to ashes by a grenade and then have their souls condemned to fantasy Hell by Skeletor before he goes back to Snake Mountain, where Evil-Lyn propositions him for sex. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And none of those things are necessarily <i>bad</i>. More mature takes on the Masters mythos can work; I think the MYP series, the Motion Picture, and the <i>Masters of the Multiverse</i> comic series are all more mature to various degrees and in various ways. But none of them were <a href="https://www.comingsoon.net/tv/news/1092653-kevin-smith-will-produce-he-man-and-the-masters-of-the-universe-sequel-series">billed as direct sequels</a> to the Filmation series. And it's that dissonance that hurts "Revelation" for me. My brain just can't reconcile Kevin Smith's versions of the characters with Lou Scheimer's. And even though I know it's because Filmation got its hooks into me before I had critical faculties and those shows are hardwired into the pleasure center of my brain, I prefer Scheimer's version. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A lot of what I like about Masters of the Universe as a franchise is the simplicity of it. There is no layer of artifice or metaphor. The good guys are good because it's good to be good. The bad guys are bad because they like to be bad. The guy with a big fist is named Fisto and the robot is named Roboto and the guy with many faces is named Man-E-Faces. There are no rules, no genre divisions; cyborg cowboys exist alongside faceless floating wizards. There is a purity to Masters of the Universe, and nowhere is that exemplified better than the Filmation series, where the budget and broadcast standards and episodic storytelling limited the amount of depth they could achieve. And while that sounds like a criticism, I find myself constantly intrigued by the ways those constraints shaped what they were able to accomplish, and impressed by what they created as a result. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Like, for instance: He-Man's main accessory is a sword. But there was no way that a children's cartoon in 1983 would be able to show a character using a sword as it's intended against enemies. So He-Man mostly uses the sword defensively (it often functions as a shield, deflecting laser blasts or energy beams) or as a tool (to crack open the ground or cut holes in walls). The only time he ever uses it as a weapon is against nonliving enemies like robots. And I think that's <i>fantastic</i>, that this hero is equipped with a deadly weapon but refuses to use it in ways that might harm other living creatures. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So when He-Man stabs Skeletor in the first episode and Skeletor remarks that he's finally using the sword as it was intended, it rings false to me. And it's emblematic of my larger issues with "Revelation": in order to make this universe more mature, you lose a lot of what made it charming and compelling in the first place. </div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Eventually, I think I'll come to appreciate "Revelation" for what it is: another new addition to the Masters multiverse, another different take on these characters that stands on its own, with its own strengths and flaws. And I really wish I could approach it with the eyes and attitudes of my teenage self, because I think it's exactly what I wanted back then. But the person I am now can't help but judge it for what it isn't: an effective continuation of the '80s series.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-21151992607585494172022-01-01T21:06:00.001-06:002022-01-01T21:06:06.313-06:00Good Riddance to 2021Let's do a year-end roundup! Every year, I feel like I remember less and less of what media I consumed, and the fact that I haven't set foot in a movie theater since January of 2020 doesn't help. So consider this list less a "best of" and more a "most memorable of the stuff I got around to." <div><br /></div><div><b>Best Comics</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>The Immortal Hulk</i> by Al Ewing, Joe Bennett, Ruy José, Belardino Brabo, Paul Mounts, Cory Petit, and others: with the caveat about the artist being a gross bigot, this series really went out with a bang this year. </li><li><i>Power Pack: Outlawed </i>by Ryan North, Nico Leon, Rachelle Rosenberg, and Travis Lanham: a really fun and smart comic about my favorite young super-team, which deals with the "why don't superheroes use their powers to solve real-world problems?" question in a more innovative way than Bruce Wayne cutting checks or Superman going to a climate protest.</li><li><i>Kent State</i> by Derf Backderf, technically released in 2020 but I read it this summer. An absolutely infuriating exploration of a tragic injustice, the causes of which have not been addressed in any way whatsoever. </li><li><i>The Nice House on the Lake</i> by James Tynion IV, Álvaro Martínez Bueno, Jordie Bellaire, & Andworld Design: Between this, Batman, DC vs. Vampires, and Something is Killing the Children, Tynion has kind of had the best year ever. </li><li><i>The Avengers</i> by Jason Aaron, Javier Garrón, Ed McGuinness, Aaron Kuder, Carlos Pacheco, Alex Sinclair, David Curiel, Matt Hollingsworth, Rachelle Rosenberg, Cory Petit, and others: I know this series is somewhat controversial, but month in and month out it's the kind of wild, over-the-top action I want from a team like the Avengers. </li><li><i>The 6 Sidekicks of Trigger Keaton</i> by Kyle Starks & Chris Schweizer: Shocking, I know, but Starks and Schweizer, individually and as a team, have yet to miss in my experience. This series was fantastic. Read it if you haven't. </li><li><i>Superman and the Authority</i> by Grant Morrison, Mikel Janin, Jordie Bellaire, Tom Napolitano, and others: Morrison somehow manages to cram more good ideas into four issues than most writers manage in three times that. One of the few comics this year that consistently left me wanting more. </li><li><i>Eat the Rich</i> by Sarah Gailey, Pius Bak, Roman Titov, & Cardinal Rae: Gailey is rapidly becoming one of my favorite authors, and this series helps to illustrate why. When most novelists turn to comics, they have a tendency to struggle with the medium a little, over-narrating or failing to remember it's a visual medium. Gailey and Bak, however, do some seriously innovative things, in service of a story that's interesting, relevant, and breezing right along. </li><li><i>Captain America Infinity Comic</i> by Jay Edidin and Nico Leon: Jay shows that he isn't just an X-pert on the X-Men with this X-cellent turn on a timely Captain America story. </li><li><i>Witch Hat Atelier</i> by Kamome Shirahama: Continues to be the most gorgeous book I read on a regular basis, with a more interesting and original take on the "kids at magic school" concept than certain other popular series I could name. Over the last few volumes, the centering of disability in the narrative has become significant and fascinating. </li><li><i>It's Jeff Infinity Comic</i> by Kelly Thompson & Gurihiru: Best comic of the year, finpaws down.</li></ul></div><div><b>Best Books</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>Across the Green Grass Fields</i> by Seanan McGuire: This might be the only book I read this year that was actually published in 2021, but when a new Wayward Children book drops, it moves to the top of the TBR pile. This one was fantastic because they're all fantastic. <br /></li><li><i>Ever Cursed</i> by Corey Ann Haydu: A fairy tale for the #MeToo era that frequently drops lines which feel like they should be on the poster for the movie. The one real drawback to this one is that we don't spend enough time on the protagonist's sisters. </li><li><i>The Escape Room</i> by Megan Goldin: A bunch of rich jerkwads get put in a deathtrap for revenge (and class war) reasons. It's not exactly what I wanted it to be (moar deathtraps pls) but it's solid.</li><li><i>Pride and Prejudice</i> by Jane Austen: Hot take: this book is great. Just a bunch of people who are so rich and sheltered that they have no idea how not to be awkward and overdramatic, and it was <i>shockingly </i>relatable. </li></ul></div><div><b>Best Movies</b></div><div><br /></div><div>One of my goals for 2022 is to actually keep track of the things I watch (<a href="https://letterboxd.com/doubtingtom/">on Letterboxd</a>) the way I do for books & comics. Since I don't actually remember everything I watched this year, I'm restricting this list to the stuff that actually did come out in 2021. So, uh, it's going to be short, because unless it came out on streaming or home video, I didn't see it. </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>Mortal Kombat</i>: A lot of people complained that this movie didn't have a fighting tournament, and I guess that's legitimate, but it found multiple opportunities to force two people to fight like they were limited to two dimensions of motion, and that's kind of amazing? This was exactly the level of stupid fun and special effects that I wanted from a Mortal Kombat movie. All it was missing for me was the "toasty" guy.</li><li><i>Gunpowder Milkshake</i>: The second film I've watched that could be dismissively called "John Wick but with a woman," and the better of the two (sorry, Peppermint). It's a good, fun action movie that never takes itself too seriously. </li><li><i>The Suicide Squad</i>: Speaking of not taking itself too seriously. I'll never quite manage to accept characters from Detective Comics Comics dropping f-bombs, and there was an unnecessary amount of gore in this one for me, but I enjoyed it otherwise. If nothing else, it captured a lot of what I feel like the Suicide Squad should be: bad people doing bad things for bad reasons, but it all kind of comes out okay and the real villain is imperialism?</li><li><i>Black Widow</i>: Better than I expected! Kind of a shame we won't be seeing any more of Natasha.</li><li><i>Dune</i>: I also read Dune this year and enjoyed both the book and the movie reasonably well. But I found them both, if you'll excuse the accidental pun, kind of dry. Gorgeous, though. </li></ul></div><div><b>Best Songs</b></div><div><br /></div><div>If I'm bad at keeping track of the new movies I've watched, I'm terrible about music. I don't know what came out this year, pretty much all I know is what I bought ("Book" by They Might Be Giants, have not listened to it yet) and what came up on Spotify. As far as I can tell, there's no way to sort my Liked Songs by release date. </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sABdtEaKMYE">Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)</a>" by Brian David Gilbert: It's probably a shame that, in a year where ABBA dropped their first new album in decades, I spent a lot more time listening to Brian David Gilbert covering ABBA songs from the perspective of horror movie characters. This may be the only adaptation of <i>Frankenstein</i> I've ever encountered that acknowledges the creepy sister-wife dynamic. </li><li>"<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys9tv9tWQkQ">Big Big Friend</a>" by Cheekface: I discovered Cheekface this year, and while "Big Big Friend" isn't quite as fun a jam as "I Only Say I'm Sorry When I'm Wrong Now," it's still pretty great. I don't know how to describe Cheekface; the best I've got is "halfway between Cake and The Presidents of the United States of America" but that just feels really incomplete. </li><li>"<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGCGc7sAUw">Build a B*tch</a>" by Bella Poarch: Somehow this didn't make it into my Spotify wrapped playlist, despite the fact that I listened to it like three dozen times this year. I just love the nonchalant attitude Poarch has here, and I'm very interested to hear her next single. </li><li>"<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1JrzODWfN8">Haunted Mansion</a>" by Demi Adejuyigbe as Ray Parker, Jr.: Not just the best song I heard this year, but a song that practically became a belief system for me. I have never been so happy to have a song stuck in my head for weeks on end.</li><li>Other things I listened to and liked but didn't listen to enough to have a take on: the new Halsey album, the new ABBA album, some of Lil Nas X, Doja Cat, Dua Lipa, & Ariana Grande's new stuff, Orville Peck's "Fancy," Lizzo & Cardi B's "Rumors," and apparently a ton of stuff that came out in 2016-2018 but is totally new to me. </li></ul><div>And that's the end of 2021, and the start of 2022. Coming Soon: My thoughts on "Masters of the Universe: Revelation."</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-48062503416019253652021-08-11T11:00:00.001-05:002021-08-11T11:00:00.201-05:00Guttor #5 - You Can't Do That on Television!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><div>As someone whose main connection to the Masters of the Universe franchise is through the original cartoon, it was a breath of fresh air to be able to crack this first Marvel/Star issue and read dialogue that felt like it was in those familiar character voices. It's not completely consistent on that front, but the characters feel right to me in a way they didn't in the earlier stories. </div><div><br /></div><div>But, like the DC Comics, this series exists in its own strange liminal space. Sure, it draws mostly from the cartoons in terms of characterization and design, but occasionally a location or a character looks like the toy version instead of the animated version. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYGKD2rSYUzFwrznC9udkWxLOOHNjbbTDEJpwm89z9fMQP7-nm7EdVjA9EFlzuHrR7A1uSqnfaJKypzkeCu99y1-1fz998LRGOgqdS4U8kUaqNAmVHejuYuOHjpmjMaVYDn7V5Tw/s1351/IMG_1775.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="669" data-original-width="1351" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYGKD2rSYUzFwrznC9udkWxLOOHNjbbTDEJpwm89z9fMQP7-nm7EdVjA9EFlzuHrR7A1uSqnfaJKypzkeCu99y1-1fz998LRGOgqdS4U8kUaqNAmVHejuYuOHjpmjMaVYDn7V5Tw/s320/IMG_1775.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Toy Snake Mountain...</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKqZb8FOWVBhu7YdvSfuFY3arbhwzuaGUlFiS5rnt88ncE4BTllvw_ZVcrNxG7yrjbT8Bpc3Lxx0k6pcKSAmQ3aLji8r7bQAH7THSl4thiJI9vBqRNUHSGaA7-rz-3Y7OAEiKRIA/s1366/IMG_1777.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="691" data-original-width="1366" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKqZb8FOWVBhu7YdvSfuFY3arbhwzuaGUlFiS5rnt88ncE4BTllvw_ZVcrNxG7yrjbT8Bpc3Lxx0k6pcKSAmQ3aLji8r7bQAH7THSl4thiJI9vBqRNUHSGaA7-rz-3Y7OAEiKRIA/s320/IMG_1777.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and cartoon Eternos...<br /><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRxTckOopBGwS1_rh1ZfZqNX7mM1DjkrC6SqSqbiveOnF2T4HOExG4pabH03JrqJj2msOvnpeA__qwQ4XKcuh99GpkU3pIqG83Zm1LqO97r1Vc4ssuPz-Jz41Vrdp30HxSiY7NMQ/s1371/IMG_1776.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="769" data-original-width="1371" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRxTckOopBGwS1_rh1ZfZqNX7mM1DjkrC6SqSqbiveOnF2T4HOExG4pabH03JrqJj2msOvnpeA__qwQ4XKcuh99GpkU3pIqG83Zm1LqO97r1Vc4ssuPz-Jz41Vrdp30HxSiY7NMQ/s320/IMG_1776.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and a kind of hybrid Grayskull, with the toy playset's handle visible.<br /><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><div>This series started in 1986, while new episodes of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe had ceased production the year before, and instead She-Ra: Princess of Power was the spotlight series for new toys in the sibling lines. As a result, the new characters introduced in this Filmation-inspired setting—which is to say, the new toys that get a spotlight—are ones that only showed up on She-Ra's cartoon, if at all. Which results in strange things like stories that reference Etheria, She-Ra's adopted homeworld, but not the Princess of Power herself.</div><div><br /></div><div>And, to be clear, that's how it was in the toy pack-in minicomics as well. Hordak and the Horde come from Etheria, but any other denizens of that world are unmentioned. That’s one of several reasons why this series feels like extended versions of the minicomics—right down to getting more creative with the storytelling and continuity just before they end. </div><div><br /></div><div>The consequence is that characters like Hordak, Stonedar, and Rokkon get three separate introduction stories between the Marvel/Star comics, the minicomics, and their spotlight episode of She-Ra. Meanwhile, Extendar’s appearance in these pages feels like a follow-up to his minicomic origin. </div><div><br /></div><div>Basically, if you think Donna Troy and Hawkman are complicated, try making sense out of He-Man’s continuity.</div><div><br /></div><div>These first issues follow a story structure that would be familiar to viewers of the cartoon: there’s a scene early on with Prince Adam and Orko, where Orko demonstrates some childish character flaw, the inciting incident occurs, and then the resolution requires Orko to acknowledge and overcome his mistakes. With that in mind, these should go fairly quickly. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFyIZFOi2CzswGwEf3vMFB8WlIHnk3f_Q-R6edonAwuf2YU6kXnEuop6GAf4AH12rr2hMuGk5xZImdCO7RFbjoqefH0Xv6QeXdzkpQi8yzJ80FCj97HRhimMkF9ztTb9dsX9MTHQ/s618/191459.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFyIZFOi2CzswGwEf3vMFB8WlIHnk3f_Q-R6edonAwuf2YU6kXnEuop6GAf4AH12rr2hMuGk5xZImdCO7RFbjoqefH0Xv6QeXdzkpQi8yzJ80FCj97HRhimMkF9ztTb9dsX9MTHQ/s320/191459.jpg" width="207" /></a></div><br /><div>Issue #1 introduces us to Hordak, and does a pretty solid job of making Hordak seem like a serious threat—Skeletor is afraid of him, and decides he needs to break into Castle Grayskull so he can increase his power to keep Hordak away. To do this, he breaks out the Terror Claws!</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVj2iM5vEWf9iV7d8o55Ow9g-DthgroJ5nhneSOc-aMu6Rg7Gtlmfvk6mq-pIswi3UX1-NnV3MddhyphenhyphenWzcq2MJIJtsddCfDjEPZOC0lZs96K_Hbox-KQ209lrh3lYyc3-ZYgORsZw/s579/IMG_1832.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="436" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVj2iM5vEWf9iV7d8o55Ow9g-DthgroJ5nhneSOc-aMu6Rg7Gtlmfvk6mq-pIswi3UX1-NnV3MddhyphenhyphenWzcq2MJIJtsddCfDjEPZOC0lZs96K_Hbox-KQ209lrh3lYyc3-ZYgORsZw/s320/IMG_1832.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><br /><div>Which are considerably less impressive than their toy counterpart. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Ub1wSAyRDoRkOyRDdHjz2K35DC0varF8ZkyjC1zNSxHyq9vPdbEDKO4NlZUhOwojTmFmFyMTFehrm_3tahcuq-IYtKiNUyT3mJwiaISuiMn5YiYlXqT3G0xtw3HCGqff2teeIw/s1341/terrorclawsskeletor01_full.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1341" data-original-width="996" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Ub1wSAyRDoRkOyRDdHjz2K35DC0varF8ZkyjC1zNSxHyq9vPdbEDKO4NlZUhOwojTmFmFyMTFehrm_3tahcuq-IYtKiNUyT3mJwiaISuiMn5YiYlXqT3G0xtw3HCGqff2teeIw/s320/terrorclawsskeletor01_full.png" width="238" /></a></div><br /><div>Though using them to basically try to dig through the wall of Grayskull like a skull-faced mole certainly is an interesting application of the accessory. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZebCNxakdTvIX2j0NoIeEPxnYtgJXIoge5pM1EGMVKJStPNmuH7T27cj7b1BKKMMDQ-Yw22W3FW78eoGByUaGpgTVi-s5eB9H1wCaAGp-WdYEJZvV6LDhrV5bLTgehiqmo3dvkg/s650/IMG_1781.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="522" data-original-width="650" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZebCNxakdTvIX2j0NoIeEPxnYtgJXIoge5pM1EGMVKJStPNmuH7T27cj7b1BKKMMDQ-Yw22W3FW78eoGByUaGpgTVi-s5eB9H1wCaAGp-WdYEJZvV6LDhrV5bLTgehiqmo3dvkg/s320/IMG_1781.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Meanwhile, Adam and Teela are training, and this is one of those instances where Adam is the one being irresponsible. Orko’s magic goes wrong, endangering Adam when he tried to help, but there’s no time to dwell on that because the Sorceress shows up in her guise as Zoar to summon He-Man. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9jO1z-IHfwbjzpLMuq8e8X0RO3bHTlwuuEmUdoSr9Df400M1Fx3ImLLwq0KhRGTN_ZZThErm-CyYx8npiTknkjTnWM6ZG1yLuYNRIv3mBK8HQCKQo4XzoDuTajFU6Wtzvu4lMjA/s1169/IMG_1779.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1169" data-original-width="877" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9jO1z-IHfwbjzpLMuq8e8X0RO3bHTlwuuEmUdoSr9Df400M1Fx3ImLLwq0KhRGTN_ZZThErm-CyYx8npiTknkjTnWM6ZG1yLuYNRIv3mBK8HQCKQo4XzoDuTajFU6Wtzvu4lMjA/s320/IMG_1779.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div>One thing that really stands out about Ron Wilson’s art in these issues is the transformation sequences; being freed from the confines of Filmation’s budget restrictions means we get to see new variations on the transformation, and every one of them is stunning. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlPF9bvJ7hIy9boVakQI2QU5KezcEhxU6_KWSbbUw3HBSTfpyLL4T-AwdvzmBppHELRXhII2r1oZu5Ke2xGf0nlKD3IZ8WfSFWO3EmvSy_DvGv8DL3oww_7Th-bHgG78OaqEdmQ/s2048/IMG_1780.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1323" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlPF9bvJ7hIy9boVakQI2QU5KezcEhxU6_KWSbbUw3HBSTfpyLL4T-AwdvzmBppHELRXhII2r1oZu5Ke2xGf0nlKD3IZ8WfSFWO3EmvSy_DvGv8DL3oww_7Th-bHgG78OaqEdmQ/w259-h400/IMG_1780.jpg" width="259" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSAImB2qYykbBK-LBJL1oTyLyxggS5X86fV3HpFDm_A5mUpvLxgLH7ojAA8CnXJ0ifBZGkFeUr9ivs3Z4-btkgjuqSe9TWzius47Hw6ytt_4D1zoRlwhNMuL-_qFgmfIVHA40Iyw/s2048/IMG_1800.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSAImB2qYykbBK-LBJL1oTyLyxggS5X86fV3HpFDm_A5mUpvLxgLH7ojAA8CnXJ0ifBZGkFeUr9ivs3Z4-btkgjuqSe9TWzius47Hw6ytt_4D1zoRlwhNMuL-_qFgmfIVHA40Iyw/w266-h400/IMG_1800.jpg" width="266" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>He-Man, Battle Cat, and Orko race to stop Skeletor, and the interaction is actually pretty good, with Skeletor treating He-Man as an annoyance rather than a threat. For once, his plan to take over Castle Grayskull isn’t so he can defeat He-Man, which changes the dynamic. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpn_L-delE5Ux-czl9yHeHbHTGDmkZfetbuornoyBdfkTXckIZP-7U4SKQubn7zMWe6tRNrQBim0np1RMWr0V0TW9ponVzbd0SRx3qPAJHziic9Ng6I367yMgu87V3F-milpP2Mw/s891/IMG_1835.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="497" data-original-width="891" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpn_L-delE5Ux-czl9yHeHbHTGDmkZfetbuornoyBdfkTXckIZP-7U4SKQubn7zMWe6tRNrQBim0np1RMWr0V0TW9ponVzbd0SRx3qPAJHziic9Ng6I367yMgu87V3F-milpP2Mw/s320/IMG_1835.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Skeletor manages to capture Zoar, and Orko uses a spell to summon additional help, which turns out to be exactly the boost Hordak needs to break through Skeletor’s protective magic. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvDUovG3wivqHpupd6YipHzq3rkMSSiE7ZB579xruUp0FNnMVeHTvkQBxgZDr_hFDBjOP9-xVP2k_E_i3s-zjU-RJ2zVNuG3V1DvOBijORMsuiPB3DDCb0B7dnuhGspTFH1dpcw/s1377/IMG_1836.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1025" data-original-width="1377" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvDUovG3wivqHpupd6YipHzq3rkMSSiE7ZB579xruUp0FNnMVeHTvkQBxgZDr_hFDBjOP9-xVP2k_E_i3s-zjU-RJ2zVNuG3V1DvOBijORMsuiPB3DDCb0B7dnuhGspTFH1dpcw/s320/IMG_1836.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk08EJO3wK6Q1fYiuQQOb2PToHUMkPMzcF9gJgSYTRExTWXkNXuqeV5OMTs8CyqJKIqSPmTGE4UupFlDTqvmqJGh81Jn6eMjCP-QPSsfIo_VlchiW9j0NCEK1brIx4L2kjs3sN7w/s2048/IMG_1837.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk08EJO3wK6Q1fYiuQQOb2PToHUMkPMzcF9gJgSYTRExTWXkNXuqeV5OMTs8CyqJKIqSPmTGE4UupFlDTqvmqJGh81Jn6eMjCP-QPSsfIo_VlchiW9j0NCEK1brIx4L2kjs3sN7w/w266-h400/IMG_1837.jpg" width="266" /></a></div></div><div>The Horde attacks He-Man and Skeletor, which puts them both in the unfortunate position of being on the same side.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkaFkj-gBeAV1RjZ34AOWrU0tM-SL8-AB4BPhVneY-5wD1aMIdkvH41TmVhI_m_zhiv5ltnWljtYKTZh57dNhS5TFPs_YtyKZRaGag7_ujZZthSQK511ym17I9bhyphenhyphenc5GX-clQbuA/s1363/IMG_1783.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="723" data-original-width="1363" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkaFkj-gBeAV1RjZ34AOWrU0tM-SL8-AB4BPhVneY-5wD1aMIdkvH41TmVhI_m_zhiv5ltnWljtYKTZh57dNhS5TFPs_YtyKZRaGag7_ujZZthSQK511ym17I9bhyphenhyphenc5GX-clQbuA/s320/IMG_1783.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdo9F92HNyCXe7m6ZkjSRuzvqL0uigRDODtxgPQIqYt5KXCguBMHoZswAyOxy-QQ1K8vXLhvK6PpLnNXgb6BT4AKu4WckqFzD6dHnrq3qtVpfNFfDu1vxHO0c3QQ_2HsdhvvPV6A/s1505/IMG_1784.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1505" data-original-width="1369" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdo9F92HNyCXe7m6ZkjSRuzvqL0uigRDODtxgPQIqYt5KXCguBMHoZswAyOxy-QQ1K8vXLhvK6PpLnNXgb6BT4AKu4WckqFzD6dHnrq3qtVpfNFfDu1vxHO0c3QQ_2HsdhvvPV6A/s320/IMG_1784.jpg" width="291" /></a></div><br /><div>Orko eventually puts his spell from earlier to better use. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-VUgDb1Ay2yrYGxtrpM9n7_gU4Y7esIQRofxf2fA4Sm77AkoswI-pRPNxXFnaMD3HKSsal4-g47-ff48gCnpvnqKuxov8a3AGzyvHDqA6r0u600j8XtIcNvopZVg25qyPJiaiRQ/s705/IMG_1865.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="541" data-original-width="705" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-VUgDb1Ay2yrYGxtrpM9n7_gU4Y7esIQRofxf2fA4Sm77AkoswI-pRPNxXFnaMD3HKSsal4-g47-ff48gCnpvnqKuxov8a3AGzyvHDqA6r0u600j8XtIcNvopZVg25qyPJiaiRQ/s320/IMG_1865.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div>This is notable, because the structure of subsequent issues will make “Orko learns a lesson” pretty central to each plot, but it doesn’t quite gel here in that same way. We come back to his original problem here and at the end of the story, but not in a way that feels like a problem’s been resolved. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yO806c1FOaTOKiTwk27N4T86IehznqnogjTF7PKABKOM2SDVEH0S_yoPjB5Zz2PktgEOOsexLDkPbjRGn5gPIR4B1xSZip3Iwl-FuPKs3sUMnlSEx1jIMlkEAC4XLDDPYXZaNw/s740/IMG_1785.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="687" data-original-width="740" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yO806c1FOaTOKiTwk27N4T86IehznqnogjTF7PKABKOM2SDVEH0S_yoPjB5Zz2PktgEOOsexLDkPbjRGn5gPIR4B1xSZip3Iwl-FuPKs3sUMnlSEx1jIMlkEAC4XLDDPYXZaNw/s320/IMG_1785.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Skeletor challenges Hordak to one-on-one combat, so Hordak teleports everyone else to the prison in the Fright Zone on Etheria, where no one has ever gotten out alive! But apparently no one had thought to just cut through the wooden bars of the prison cell before.</div><div><br /></div><div>It’s implied that maybe the further traps our heroes encounter are the really deadly threats, but they’re all dispatched fairly quickly, and then Orko teleports them back to Eternia. </div><div><br /></div><div>Skeletor and Hordak battle…</div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSnOqPWPV_GPpCGtPXEa_FvYGipyWblTznG8fgVZq_PRXfvkZOHegtHoC8BPDJKKcSu-vuKtfS1-yFQaUELa0eAX5NsOtsN-LRrRN99E2qpms2CBGkZef5N86ezfGyJ_3WQT2KzA/s1367/IMG_1786.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="698" data-original-width="1367" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSnOqPWPV_GPpCGtPXEa_FvYGipyWblTznG8fgVZq_PRXfvkZOHegtHoC8BPDJKKcSu-vuKtfS1-yFQaUELa0eAX5NsOtsN-LRrRN99E2qpms2CBGkZef5N86ezfGyJ_3WQT2KzA/s320/IMG_1786.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfdHW2qWwV2-o33R4Fy8SHqPAmbiLSSvadNLYnZcS98Klv2r5DjYebhU0q9GmnBhtu5l9xvmCPwgHBWL1QfnlZ0Z84k7l3kPPK0dEsYcosFHvn8Q1DBJvlHC5ZZ_EOTTC8ZXQTEQ/s1367/IMG_1847.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="415" data-original-width="1367" height="97" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfdHW2qWwV2-o33R4Fy8SHqPAmbiLSSvadNLYnZcS98Klv2r5DjYebhU0q9GmnBhtu5l9xvmCPwgHBWL1QfnlZ0Z84k7l3kPPK0dEsYcosFHvn8Q1DBJvlHC5ZZ_EOTTC8ZXQTEQ/s320/IMG_1847.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>…but Hordak gets the upper hand, until our heroes—including a cavalry in the form of Man-at-Arms and Teela—arrive to turn the tides. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz77mFyh-j0LiS6lD9q9jLuuqEFchGvHAWvOz_4Xs52WHSSRajtHheb01_xgH0VXKArM-b47g0ncTAf0YU87yJuYm1JW1P24yyOQwoNQKaWObUqAPg1QQQwrsBOG7wReEAo9ZVsg/s695/IMG_1846.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="695" data-original-width="401" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz77mFyh-j0LiS6lD9q9jLuuqEFchGvHAWvOz_4Xs52WHSSRajtHheb01_xgH0VXKArM-b47g0ncTAf0YU87yJuYm1JW1P24yyOQwoNQKaWObUqAPg1QQQwrsBOG7wReEAo9ZVsg/s320/IMG_1846.jpg" width="185" /></a></div><br /><div>Hordak runs away, and Skeletor follows suit, but we haven’t seen the last of them. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-lZQWzbpPUHxRK96Qpy947VmNNTB6l0Q5oSzhn3BUInsZ8sTEcmqFyGg-nylbe0tacw0YXuTC4mxKB5ofvM_qhQUEN2g0426DsXjIauh1LdxgSZtBC-HSZlK4wLIpaY1AC4Dxw/s1007/IMG_1849.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1007" data-original-width="764" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-lZQWzbpPUHxRK96Qpy947VmNNTB6l0Q5oSzhn3BUInsZ8sTEcmqFyGg-nylbe0tacw0YXuTC4mxKB5ofvM_qhQUEN2g0426DsXjIauh1LdxgSZtBC-HSZlK4wLIpaY1AC4Dxw/s320/IMG_1849.jpg" width="243" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGc3WUd_7VSZB-0okGuWzKgLqXtHlLjE3nTyNnYHinGQK8oyzGqU3SwroLKnGawOttt_VYB4O-vj1u5ky_YDJXMGU5SUhdBP4Ero9RlWsmFpEj96XYNAEn4AHoAjhpsskVDwLrQ/s788/IMG_1848.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="493" data-original-width="788" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGc3WUd_7VSZB-0okGuWzKgLqXtHlLjE3nTyNnYHinGQK8oyzGqU3SwroLKnGawOttt_VYB4O-vj1u5ky_YDJXMGU5SUhdBP4Ero9RlWsmFpEj96XYNAEn4AHoAjhpsskVDwLrQ/s320/IMG_1848.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Next!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRudYqThsyn2EAi7FV40gtXeKyqzHJFfK1emw6iu8ntkxamyAg1_-gQiIajkCNZ2JQ_mOZ3fqdZmmABKAZJVj6jaaz-OPVMkytQqufQwuvPmA5rqMMVqpG4ak-htKw012-jUvVw/s611/191460.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="611" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRudYqThsyn2EAi7FV40gtXeKyqzHJFfK1emw6iu8ntkxamyAg1_-gQiIajkCNZ2JQ_mOZ3fqdZmmABKAZJVj6jaaz-OPVMkytQqufQwuvPmA5rqMMVqpG4ak-htKw012-jUvVw/s320/191460.jpg" width="209" /></a></div><br /><div>In issue #2, Orko screws around and causes the Laser Bolt (one of my personal favorite He-Man vehicles) to go haywire, which shoots a meteor out of the sky. Adam, Cringer, and Orko investigate, encountering the Evil Meteorbs for the first time.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT1j4uXkaCAeRhl8rsqRItEP99lFo0pRa5QFj8PqN-s8a9Qf4abQJIV_g7ggkEgsrApabbXA0kKzjv55bj8GM_YivXhaE1MhuvKJEaXvHlG20pJE4At0wlyUdYkzjfDWvhB2wIKA/s1374/IMG_1839.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="550" data-original-width="1374" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT1j4uXkaCAeRhl8rsqRItEP99lFo0pRa5QFj8PqN-s8a9Qf4abQJIV_g7ggkEgsrApabbXA0kKzjv55bj8GM_YivXhaE1MhuvKJEaXvHlG20pJE4At0wlyUdYkzjfDWvhB2wIKA/s320/IMG_1839.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL01ohMrb4gcZQDg_LvtCjP8xDINuwtTG0bRE28OZx-olooJmhCMUThrunEmvYW6Qc_gL0sIS34rH2R453l7NzsDn7wn9C3mxhXS4mjAmnxK-tSc7IFRS15CqwzEvEhr6ZrwWOyw/s1367/IMG_1799.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="864" data-original-width="1367" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL01ohMrb4gcZQDg_LvtCjP8xDINuwtTG0bRE28OZx-olooJmhCMUThrunEmvYW6Qc_gL0sIS34rH2R453l7NzsDn7wn9C3mxhXS4mjAmnxK-tSc7IFRS15CqwzEvEhr6ZrwWOyw/s320/IMG_1799.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like Gore-illa's little pirouette.</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>It is wild to me that two entirely different toy companies decided in 1986 that the best way to compete with Transformers was to introduce figures that turned into rocks or eggs. Were the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_Lords">Rock Lords</a> the direct inspiration for that scene in "Big" where they have a skyscraper Transformer? Both the Meteorbs and Rock Lords use Bandai figures, but He-Man's Rock Warriors are their own thing. </div><div><br /></div><div>And the thing that Orko shot out of the sky is secretly the Rock Warrior Rokkon, a real "4:59 on Friday" name. </div></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFBLT7Ba6gKZ-3VFqv_3HUQnY-1YPJayMVhDeFFpwPF29qd4zawtQw7ov6pPAuIBsHXMoK27ZC7o1u6zhctWvW6dmVgoByt_LFIy4pJ7hQjZrkKkHXJWiSisN_2KUBrOepQXa-A/s1366/IMG_1807.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="595" data-original-width="1366" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFBLT7Ba6gKZ-3VFqv_3HUQnY-1YPJayMVhDeFFpwPF29qd4zawtQw7ov6pPAuIBsHXMoK27ZC7o1u6zhctWvW6dmVgoByt_LFIy4pJ7hQjZrkKkHXJWiSisN_2KUBrOepQXa-A/w400-h174/IMG_1807.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbtMqjnAfhzocRNREf7Tg5I0NGnPF795IIX1-vHS48yZEWCSOGHSSoCjXPh2uYoBxGcpJIHv3VnOS-YpVL6RlZFiqsFNAvjXw1ELHcxxFikoPAGnj-EuuNHgkBA7YukthM8X98Q/s1375/IMG_1851.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1231" data-original-width="1375" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbtMqjnAfhzocRNREf7Tg5I0NGnPF795IIX1-vHS48yZEWCSOGHSSoCjXPh2uYoBxGcpJIHv3VnOS-YpVL6RlZFiqsFNAvjXw1ELHcxxFikoPAGnj-EuuNHgkBA7YukthM8X98Q/w400-h358/IMG_1851.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>Turns out Rokkon, like Orko, just loves to fool around and have fun, and that's what got him hurt. He-Man sends the Rock Warriors and the Heroic Meteorbs to a rendezvous at the Palace, but Skeletor and the Evil Meteorbs are invisibly lying in wait, and attack the newcomers. They retaliate, thinking the attack came from the palace, and Man-at-Arms re-retaliates, escalating things until He-Man arrives. Neither side will relent until Rokkon and Orko use their combined abilities to reveal the actual threat, uniting the heroes against a common foe. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's at this point that I should probably point out that all these rock creatures come from a planet they call Granite, which I have to imagine was only in order to make this joke:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJuYZ_pUefdQhI28Om0oP9DMxDcErKPKWJbjK9bRkFamEi-a1Syn7tFnTC8peeJWmnB992KpkjPn15-bFHpbdGsTbmGbXDDD0XXo3888955kDuLaKk-6n9wDmVi20ZrqQ7q8LOyQ/s1356/IMG_1852.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1051" data-original-width="1356" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJuYZ_pUefdQhI28Om0oP9DMxDcErKPKWJbjK9bRkFamEi-a1Syn7tFnTC8peeJWmnB992KpkjPn15-bFHpbdGsTbmGbXDDD0XXo3888955kDuLaKk-6n9wDmVi20ZrqQ7q8LOyQ/s320/IMG_1852.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>The villains are defeated, and we get a nice sitcom ending. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5_j7xkQq03bfGFzekRNmaht5aNPvQXz4ckYoeWF4P7zSVeLFKdaqStUunPlU7Y6qw-pwGJGNghhc9yxt-UkoVGZVTMrIpVEukGlhGI-2mz35uKIsoEaPchX38kkSDSs-kPeg1kQ/s607/1241384.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="607" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5_j7xkQq03bfGFzekRNmaht5aNPvQXz4ckYoeWF4P7zSVeLFKdaqStUunPlU7Y6qw-pwGJGNghhc9yxt-UkoVGZVTMrIpVEukGlhGI-2mz35uKIsoEaPchX38kkSDSs-kPeg1kQ/s320/1241384.jpg" width="211" /></a></div><br /><div>Issue #3, inexplicably titled "The Garden of Evil," begins with Adam and Orko sparring. Orko expresses jealousy about the Power Sword, especially after Adam is able to use it to turn his magic back on him. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizYf0zYDo6Oz0RbgncK3HLFkANmewx_xCYTZxRXY-cA7fKRHmh2SmdUcwrTDZXZgCOgKD24vY95fKDgtdA-rhxPHoR8OqY-2bokH_-MlcLF6D0UKzpkyEr7QU40AHIkfVaj7wNcw/s2048/IMG_1876.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizYf0zYDo6Oz0RbgncK3HLFkANmewx_xCYTZxRXY-cA7fKRHmh2SmdUcwrTDZXZgCOgKD24vY95fKDgtdA-rhxPHoR8OqY-2bokH_-MlcLF6D0UKzpkyEr7QU40AHIkfVaj7wNcw/s320/IMG_1876.PNG" width="214" /></a></div><br /><div>Meanwhile, Hordak is assembling an army of robotic Horde Troopers to travel to Eternia and bring back He-Man. Instead, they capture Adam, which leads to a very interesting scene that I don't think happens elsewhere in the mythos:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj58MWdG2NxUP_UuUMjmCEqNqA9aODE-A0IpyH7sEge5tJ6f_WDRrfk0xSi424YtDE5IB8eUcF8SV6eZ6LIYaxm2C4Zp9MZlifjtUddjQrnYsTU8wJ_abfpJLENY_Azd5MhR3pa8A/s1383/IMG_1809.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1298" data-original-width="1383" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj58MWdG2NxUP_UuUMjmCEqNqA9aODE-A0IpyH7sEge5tJ6f_WDRrfk0xSi424YtDE5IB8eUcF8SV6eZ6LIYaxm2C4Zp9MZlifjtUddjQrnYsTU8wJ_abfpJLENY_Azd5MhR3pa8A/s320/IMG_1809.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>So, first, we have direct confirmation that despite appearing similar to the viewers, He-Man and Adam look nothing alike. But we also have confirmation that He-Man's sword is distinctive enough to be recognized by Hordak.</div><div><br /></div><div>Back in the day, I proposed two different headcanons about these issues, the first somewhat tongue-in-cheek, the second very serious. For the first, I suggested that cultures on Eternia and Etheria both lacked commonplace stories about characters with secret identities, or even characters in disguise. For whatever reason, it just wasn't part of their shared story traditions. This would help to explain why every disguise on either world, no matter how flimsy, always seemed to be almost completely effective. It would also fit nicely with my belief that Queen Marlena definitely knew that Adam and He-Man were the same person, since she's from Earth where we are all about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaWaQBxc0aI">people in disguise</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>The more serious theory is that the reason no one notices that He-Man and Prince Adam have the same sword is because the Sword of Power is so plain, like the Holy Grail in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade." While we don't see any swords exactly like He-Man's in the series, the basic sword design we frequently see is similar enough that you could understand why someone would mistake the two, especially if they've only seen it in fast-paced battle situations. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_AoDygQVlo_SMMsKgEeLuuxCDQNutp774BcCJHJatZqXIIzf7U099voGeeYrCzsZMWjvy1giICm7_Dpk597X-7OhyimxL0HZFI4UijhdoRn0OspjWhsBi8xi85eKf454shFsEA/s1000/MV5BMjY2MDM2MDY4Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzQwNDk4OA%2540%2540._V1_FMjpg_UX1000_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="760" data-original-width="1000" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_AoDygQVlo_SMMsKgEeLuuxCDQNutp774BcCJHJatZqXIIzf7U099voGeeYrCzsZMWjvy1giICm7_Dpk597X-7OhyimxL0HZFI4UijhdoRn0OspjWhsBi8xi85eKf454shFsEA/s320/MV5BMjY2MDM2MDY4Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzQwNDk4OA%2540%2540._V1_FMjpg_UX1000_.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Sword of Power</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGpkbzsnjRmTnrUmXrwbFqh_xQF35L7tEEU_gRjOllYZ5Nvmw634m10mOu6B3u1v2nfBDFGR7rX-WiJty_2qCJ-Oy5I514gPKGDWf3R6Ccdu1Ghi0TqyEqNVG6morBBZ9KM67Zw/s601/teela-sword-Copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="479" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGpkbzsnjRmTnrUmXrwbFqh_xQF35L7tEEU_gRjOllYZ5Nvmw634m10mOu6B3u1v2nfBDFGR7rX-WiJty_2qCJ-Oy5I514gPKGDWf3R6Ccdu1Ghi0TqyEqNVG6morBBZ9KM67Zw/s320/teela-sword-Copy.jpg" width="255" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Similar to, but legally distinct from, the Sword of Power</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>Hordak tries to take the sword, but it defends itself, so he sends Adam to the Slime Pit, a torture chamber where...eventually he'll be covered in slime!</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgurtHjhhznR_2tXlu64-xXjjeinPA7lK3DHS5CsXGjay9t6qp3bFgreCWHcPNXxsGysuq7jJp4hyJY3oz0WUYIgWyHeJb2GFLJOk4zbKQMqMCzWS5Wm1RMlpwOwqghkJIDDm7CvA/s1375/IMG_1856.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1020" data-original-width="1375" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgurtHjhhznR_2tXlu64-xXjjeinPA7lK3DHS5CsXGjay9t6qp3bFgreCWHcPNXxsGysuq7jJp4hyJY3oz0WUYIgWyHeJb2GFLJOk4zbKQMqMCzWS5Wm1RMlpwOwqghkJIDDm7CvA/s320/IMG_1856.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Like, the slime isn't poisonous or anything as far as I can tell. Adam just gets to experience what it's like to be to be on the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. For comparison, here's what happens when He-Man gets slimed in the mini-comic:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoYGyTQA5uRE0MGrRLZv9ZIgI8DC7NfTbtfwi6gYOAuQCcb8-ske7ZF11Qi8_T1du-Fr50W1n7uyCYcMOA-UDWwjg3is7s0TbwCD8_d8MBtsj-czwUoSc1ymnyBa-T3FwgOKwyA/s1679/IMG_1854.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1679" data-original-width="1306" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoYGyTQA5uRE0MGrRLZv9ZIgI8DC7NfTbtfwi6gYOAuQCcb8-ske7ZF11Qi8_T1du-Fr50W1n7uyCYcMOA-UDWwjg3is7s0TbwCD8_d8MBtsj-czwUoSc1ymnyBa-T3FwgOKwyA/w498-h640/IMG_1854.jpg" width="498" /></a></div><br /><div>That red-eyed mind-controlled He-Zombie is burned into my brain. According to the footnote in the Mini-Comic Collection, this was the intent for victims of the Slime Pit. </div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, only Cringer and Orko know what's happened to Adam, but Orko knows that they don't need help to save him. They travel to Etheria and find Adam trapped, but Adam tries to warn Orko not to touch the sword. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb5iKLXqMQ8CclwuPw_qp1nCSQ2UVX-RieXPmo-af8sbdVAbT2eozgUqLVLF-bojyf0k4Anu10d4rTsVdKKmW_IQAJ41f2671DIp_ustYOfQaHI8R3MwscDrXMN4mxIAUDUgW6Pg/s1569/IMG_1857.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1569" data-original-width="1372" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb5iKLXqMQ8CclwuPw_qp1nCSQ2UVX-RieXPmo-af8sbdVAbT2eozgUqLVLF-bojyf0k4Anu10d4rTsVdKKmW_IQAJ41f2671DIp_ustYOfQaHI8R3MwscDrXMN4mxIAUDUgW6Pg/s320/IMG_1857.jpg" width="280" /></a></div><br /><div>Orko, though, has other ideas...</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoPjgLozM8nMDuYVgcLDSahdSswysBoS7ZPNtiX465X81yWgjdPkCNbrC0jLls2-7LP9zTPI9dWFtkw_Ec_cgj5b_kGWq7NKM5BmvLEF6l1zmT-uUHBkQJ6oZLa6TlXT85fUHuEw/s1368/IMG_1858.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="658" data-original-width="1368" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoPjgLozM8nMDuYVgcLDSahdSswysBoS7ZPNtiX465X81yWgjdPkCNbrC0jLls2-7LP9zTPI9dWFtkw_Ec_cgj5b_kGWq7NKM5BmvLEF6l1zmT-uUHBkQJ6oZLa6TlXT85fUHuEw/w400-h193/IMG_1858.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>...but instead he decides that his magic is good enough, and levitates the sword over to Adam, who gives very little thought to his secret identity. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK6aurU1Jq2Nwkhi19q0VcAqer04RDYomWCJYoZG0dMpizBnyvF5m3uIb5P625P451Sqd8vWpz1U2FV5WCjBgqgBHE24CUdqlYQfevXWg6rQzDL8BTVpJY-rgfVVoJgAkplHgoLQ/s2048/IMG_1859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1375" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK6aurU1Jq2Nwkhi19q0VcAqer04RDYomWCJYoZG0dMpizBnyvF5m3uIb5P625P451Sqd8vWpz1U2FV5WCjBgqgBHE24CUdqlYQfevXWg6rQzDL8BTVpJY-rgfVVoJgAkplHgoLQ/s320/IMG_1859.jpg" width="215" /></a></div><br /><div>Or Cringer's, for that matter. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Wjvwr2vQd_x0-LLRsPsqVHA3Kr8Wcw6iuFBEmQrdPwi7o7jNrhWiia2XBMAf3alCAP6_qpxj4RuoRf0ECIJXTedc5A8uCuxj6SBKP4ctj4eoTjlbxIj7LghbqKWnHSohujYHMw/s1368/IMG_1861.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="483" data-original-width="1368" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Wjvwr2vQd_x0-LLRsPsqVHA3Kr8Wcw6iuFBEmQrdPwi7o7jNrhWiia2XBMAf3alCAP6_qpxj4RuoRf0ECIJXTedc5A8uCuxj6SBKP4ctj4eoTjlbxIj7LghbqKWnHSohujYHMw/w400-h141/IMG_1861.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>Not that it matters, because Hordak is kind of an idiot. He shows off a couple of additional toys, but there aren't enough pages left, so Orko teleports our heroes back to Eternia. He-Man compliments Orko on making a mature decision, and the story ends. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkRsMgzCdFKtSGn55gsaWmtNvFA41VlgJKJ1C1KMHnWcqsLq4U58Cer7u4nw1tOi2gAVmc4IjVve1Lrjb0NEdeyYNr4LuT88uZ-tUxMrmd5VN_0DduElfOywg-tF2Mte6nsIMAOQ/s815/IMG_1862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="815" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkRsMgzCdFKtSGn55gsaWmtNvFA41VlgJKJ1C1KMHnWcqsLq4U58Cer7u4nw1tOi2gAVmc4IjVve1Lrjb0NEdeyYNr4LuT88uZ-tUxMrmd5VN_0DduElfOywg-tF2Mte6nsIMAOQ/s320/IMG_1862.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz6RzLlCr6hbtGe4y_BKMGSu7Gulc3q4vuj7oVoMwSRQrLw3jYOTakUwzP22_6aKogE6X0qEdhli7RGmzWn5wTx-smn7v61SnfqOrOEFWjMlUKEzFuIrrQ7Rtr-QaZntaIHHW57A/s1355/IMG_1863.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1236" data-original-width="1355" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz6RzLlCr6hbtGe4y_BKMGSu7Gulc3q4vuj7oVoMwSRQrLw3jYOTakUwzP22_6aKogE6X0qEdhli7RGmzWn5wTx-smn7v61SnfqOrOEFWjMlUKEzFuIrrQ7Rtr-QaZntaIHHW57A/s320/IMG_1863.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>To sum up these first issues, I think the strong focus on spotlighting several specific toys each issue—the Terror Claws, Horde members, and Fright Zone in #1; the Rock Warriors, Meteorbs, and Laser Bolt in #2, and Hurricane Hordak, the Mantisaur, the Slime Pit, and Horde Troopers in #3—is a big part of what makes these stories feel more like the mini-comics than the cartoon. While the cartoon certainly existed to sell toys, most episodes were less transparent about it, or at least wove them into the plot more naturally. Some of that is down to the amount of space for storytelling, some of that is from animation budget restrictions that limited how many new designs a given story could have, but I think it ended up working in the show's favor.</div><div><br /></div><div>Next time, issues #4-6!</div><span id="fullpost"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-62253777994079556312021-08-04T11:00:00.001-05:002021-08-04T11:00:00.235-05:00Guttor #4 - Enter...The Marvel Age!<span id="fullpost"></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9B_eIiPYelBzocTTPF5z3BI17qhqEvZt6Su6W35xuvtKclYmmHqOTNksl5Vs3UjUFfQx-i0Q1qOBN6LayukjUr4SCzOWCmHit0iKR4qRcvc5a48klJTiBZOGUfY1ZzaXnJpAynA/s656/38-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="656" data-original-width="420" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9B_eIiPYelBzocTTPF5z3BI17qhqEvZt6Su6W35xuvtKclYmmHqOTNksl5Vs3UjUFfQx-i0Q1qOBN6LayukjUr4SCzOWCmHit0iKR4qRcvc5a48klJTiBZOGUfY1ZzaXnJpAynA/s320/38-1.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Before we dig into the series proper, there was an issue of Marvel Age promoting this series, including an interview with the creative team written by Sholly Fisch, who has apparently had a much longer history in comics than I was aware of. There’s not a ton to say about the interview; it feels very effusive in that promotional enthusiasm sort of way. </div><div><br /></div><div>The issue starts with a note from editor Jim Salicrup about why Marvel features so many licensed characters on <i>Marvel Age</i> covers. In short, comics based on licensed characters bring in a new audience:</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>When Marvel buys the rights to license characters from a movie, TV show, or even a toy, we usually try to find characters that are incredibly popular—that have a huge following of their own. That way, when we publish the comic book based on such a character we're hoping to reach thousands of people who may not have picked up a comic book in years!</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div>That passage starts with a potshot at their competition, which is both kind of funny since He-Man started at DC, and kind of fitting since (for whatever reason) DC didn't hang onto the license. </div><div><br /></div><div>Before we cover the cover feature, there's an issue I need to head off at the pass: Mike Carlin is the writer on the first eight issues of this series, and I feel like I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention his history as a (credibly alleged) sexual harasser. It sucks, and if I’d realized when I started this project that he was the main guy for a bit here, I might have had second thoughts. </div><div><br /></div><div>Fisch begins with a brief summary of the He-Man concept and characters, then gets into an interview with writer Mike Carlin and penciller Ron Wilson, who had previously been working on Ben Grimm's solo title, and editor Ralph Macchio. "He-Man will be a mixture of fun and adventure that won't just be for kids!" Fisch says, (the "biff! pow!" is presumably implied) before Carlin promises not to "write down" to the readers. That's a comment I'm going to come back to over Carlin's tenure on the book, because so far in my reading, it feels like it's increasingly untrue as the series progresses. </div><div><br /></div><div>Macchio compares Wilson's art style to Jack Kirby and John Buscema, which is high praise that I'm not sure comes through in this series. Then there's this baffling comment:</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>While it [Wilson & Janke's art] will be slightly different from that of the HE-MAN cartoons, it will be every bit as down to earth!" </blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div>Nothing says "down to earth" like the show about a man in furry shorts fighting a skull-faced wizard for control of a castle shaped like a head. </div><div><br /></div><div>Carlin compares the simplicity of the He-Man comics to Silver Age storytelling, with "clear-cut stories without plot complications that carry on for years." He also says that the biggest shift from previous collaborations with Wilson is that now Carlin is doing full-script with panel layout thumbnails, presumably in contrast to a more Marvel Method approach to <i>The Thing</i>. I wonder if this change was necessary in order to get stories cleared by the people at Mattel in a timely fashion. Macchio discusses later how the stories have to be cleared by Mattel, something that's true even with modern licensed comics, but "so far, the stories have been so good that Mattel hasn't asked for any major changes!" </div><div><br /></div><div>Unspoken in that is how much input Mattel had on the stories before they were written, particularly in terms of which characters/vehicles get the spotlight in each issue. I suspect the answer is "a great deal."</div><div><br /></div><div>The sample sketches Wilson did were apparently good enough that Mattel wanted to hire him on the spot. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then Fisch goes into a description of upcoming issues, including erroneously claiming that #2 introduces the Slime Pit. That would end up being the story for issue #3, and #4 has a slight credit change, with Wilson on breakdowns and Dennis Janke finishing, which makes me wonder what behind-the-scenes shuffling and deadline stuff was going on. </div><div><br /></div><div>The meat of the exuberantly effusive article (wherein nearly every sentence and quote ends with an exclamation point) ends with the claim that "Ralph was so overcome talking about HE-MAN that he leaped on his desk, pulled out a tennis racket, and cried, 'By the power of Cresskill!' (invoking the name of his hometown)." I'm trying to pinpoint exactly what makes me feel like that story absolutely did not happen as described, and I think it's the tennis racket. </div><div><br /></div><div>Fisch ends, as each episode of the He-Man cartoon does, by offering a moral:</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>Listen to your mother and father, brush your teeth after every meal, look both ways before crossing the street, never take candy from a stranger with a blue hood and a skull face, and most of all, accept no imitations!</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div>I'll follow suit by offering this moral: sponsored content and promotional writing hasn't really changed in 30 years. Reading that gives me flashbacks to the SEO-infused content I was once paid to write for online stores. </div><div><br /></div><div>The next article in the issue is a promo for <i>Doctor Who Monthly</i>, published by "Marvel's British division," and then a new talent spotlight for the late, great Tom Lyle. </div><div><br /></div><div>Huh, I did not expect to fill a whole installment of this with just the <i>Marvel Age</i> promo, but here we are. Next time, we dig into the wild world of Marvel's Star imprint. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-68703824590495241592021-07-30T11:00:00.001-05:002021-07-30T11:00:00.205-05:00Guttor #3 - Within These Pages...Confusion!I'll give one thing to DC Comics Skeletor: he's a quicker study than the animated version.<div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>Turns out that searching for the Power Sword and trying to take Grayskull hasn't been working, so Skeletor decides to kidnap the <strike>Sorceress</strike> Goddess and make He-Man find the Power Sword instead.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBI-0uozzfhl373gr04VvVNwfhvACLnVyLWtupILCDRinj3L9WU7YaqzEiO3eIQz5HOnl5rpZ4SF2ip_qX9tCfMzF_BLsc1FvLgmxxwIQUYYxbZdi0kkolGtoBRXRCNdXK3D_dZA/s612/74327.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="612" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBI-0uozzfhl373gr04VvVNwfhvACLnVyLWtupILCDRinj3L9WU7YaqzEiO3eIQz5HOnl5rpZ4SF2ip_qX9tCfMzF_BLsc1FvLgmxxwIQUYYxbZdi0kkolGtoBRXRCNdXK3D_dZA/w131-h200/74327.jpg" width="131" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARmmTsBgzZyhaT5jru7FHfx6DS09vZOcwHx-BVFhaB0lSK-RgLor11LNYTYsGyUAGaT4vepdMibTTGeFH_WnrU2Cc3JZHJjJxEYa7hLcFDL8LJaKhhNW6che3G8O4xBU_CP0k5Q/s618/997609.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARmmTsBgzZyhaT5jru7FHfx6DS09vZOcwHx-BVFhaB0lSK-RgLor11LNYTYsGyUAGaT4vepdMibTTGeFH_WnrU2Cc3JZHJjJxEYa7hLcFDL8LJaKhhNW6che3G8O4xBU_CP0k5Q/w129-h200/997609.jpg" width="129" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkqxOUPLUuEx8fDNRKBctomxnpnBpxf33ln3OrFgQR7ZAoGgtTN_E8zFvD5P-ZflOuhv6ni6-qM7_vAu6ukUG13NyjtDgZkZcRWfOY9_I27s4zGsGHP2ed-xq8nvO4UI_Ngg5jg/s612/1177672.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="612" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkqxOUPLUuEx8fDNRKBctomxnpnBpxf33ln3OrFgQR7ZAoGgtTN_E8zFvD5P-ZflOuhv6ni6-qM7_vAu6ukUG13NyjtDgZkZcRWfOY9_I27s4zGsGHP2ed-xq8nvO4UI_Ngg5jg/w131-h200/1177672.jpg" width="131" /></a></div><br /><div>But I'm getting ahead of myself. <i>Masters of the Universe</i> #1 came out in August, 1982, the month after the Preview insert. Paul Kupperberg returns as writer, with George Tuska on
pencilling duties. Mini-storybooks artist Alfredo Alcala is back to ink the
first two issues, with Rodin Rodriguez taking over in #3. Adam Kubert and Ben
Oda are our letterers, and Adrienne Roy and Anthony Tollin are the colorists.
Getting Alcala back, even just for inks, really does make a difference; he
brings a Prince Valiant quality to Tuska’s pencils in the first issues, which
is lost a bit in Rodriguez’s cleaner style. Tuska definitely feels more suited
to this setting than Curt Swan did; much as I love Swan, this era of Masters of
the Universe really lives in a more brutal, Conan-inspired place than what
would come later, and that’s just not what Swan’s classic superheroic style is
best at.</div><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our story begins at another party, where Prince Adam is
continuing with that playboy lifestyle, though we get explicit confirmation
that this is at least in part an act. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHWEk2BY6GYkR3ZRdmWq3go8TWpxgxtlNs9ipQ2r9MFBq5Z78Y2NruhbU3G1pnF_RfbS7S2fef5Re-kMIpP9yz0fB6O8OI7cwpMkkpfMFewED4lY7Ft04id962P4lTEz-q4UtPqQ/s923/IMG_1756.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="923" data-original-width="292" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHWEk2BY6GYkR3ZRdmWq3go8TWpxgxtlNs9ipQ2r9MFBq5Z78Y2NruhbU3G1pnF_RfbS7S2fef5Re-kMIpP9yz0fB6O8OI7cwpMkkpfMFewED4lY7Ft04id962P4lTEz-q4UtPqQ/s320/IMG_1756.jpg" /></a></div><br />I think this is a really interesting hook for the character,
even if it clearly wasn’t very sustainable for a children’s property,
particularly one as beset by watchdog groups as Masters of the Universe. The
alter ego with a different personality from the hero is nothing new in
superhero comics, and we’ve even seen characters like Batman playing the
carefree Casanova, but Adam feels a little distinct here, characterized closer
to Johnny Storm than Bruce Wayne. Usually the immature, impulsive
character who’s always thinking about the opposite sex is played straight, as character flaws that the hero genuinely needs to overcome; it's less common to make those the hallmarks of his secret identity.<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Adam gets attacked by demons in his bedroom, and finds Cringer when he hides under the bed, which is a solid gag. We never do find out what the demons were doing there. They rush off to the Goddess's magic cavern, where they are transformed—but find Skeletor instead of the Goddess (who is occasionally also called the Sorceress in the story). Skeletor has imprisoned her, and will only release her if He-Man retrieves the Power Sword for him, which the Goddess has hidden away. In order to find the sword He-Man will need to find three talismans (talismen?) representing the sea, the sky, and the cosmos. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtqRpuJ5pSzYO4M4ao_nIoRmFH0pOOIatDqSx8WAj8X3LDTtoURLypcRPWA2hXtfzcctjb-JlJot6SDYiVEBtGPfStHAwjkXxtJipo4gEtygUO4tH540xp6OtVW9Ak908j-hYEUA/s949/IMG_1758.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="782" data-original-width="949" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtqRpuJ5pSzYO4M4ao_nIoRmFH0pOOIatDqSx8WAj8X3LDTtoURLypcRPWA2hXtfzcctjb-JlJot6SDYiVEBtGPfStHAwjkXxtJipo4gEtygUO4tH540xp6OtVW9Ak908j-hYEUA/s320/IMG_1758.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">It's a fetch quest to start the fetch quest. Not the most auspicious start to a series. Or <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_The_Rise_of_Skywalker">end to one</a>.</p><p class="MsoNormal">He-Man returns to the palace, where we get confirmation of something that fans have always speculated about: do He-Man and Prince Adam <i>really</i> look that similar? In the DC Universe, the answer appears to be yes:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPQQCjXP5VZr9tM4bz_LmRvnlivj0tE3vpVejs8s8Ex15-ul8lnr0ruiX7xxvLk-Nrs-EWVoyMmHr5RuI-8KV9wZWNx47V8rFg5NHznFvDEVLEEtllktjrDWF5-pzmMhhjfv_vaA/s1346/IMG_1761.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1346" data-original-width="1049" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPQQCjXP5VZr9tM4bz_LmRvnlivj0tE3vpVejs8s8Ex15-ul8lnr0ruiX7xxvLk-Nrs-EWVoyMmHr5RuI-8KV9wZWNx47V8rFg5NHznFvDEVLEEtllktjrDWF5-pzmMhhjfv_vaA/s320/IMG_1761.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal">It also plays into a longtime fan theory that Queen Marlena knows Adam's secret. Now that he's back to the palace, He-Man seeks help from the palace wizard, Tarrak, who is being attacked by demons himself! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhed_wZBCedvmlTL-GTj3Yyh8kVCFUfG0SRiWnHkHXauwIE5hnQ94Y5SDVqBRSjrBKo0oRUs7uCBgatyiHF-lzxkvi9985AJgvM5co1Ze8YyoP8ISGAsp4MrceDQzqXFI296jcrPg/s1361/IMG_1790.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="834" data-original-width="1361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhed_wZBCedvmlTL-GTj3Yyh8kVCFUfG0SRiWnHkHXauwIE5hnQ94Y5SDVqBRSjrBKo0oRUs7uCBgatyiHF-lzxkvi9985AJgvM5co1Ze8YyoP8ISGAsp4MrceDQzqXFI296jcrPg/s320/IMG_1790.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">He-Man, Teela—wearing for this issue only a sword-and-sorcery standard metal bikini—Battle Cat, and Man-at-Arms manage to defeat the demons, but not before they take the cosmos talisman. Meanwhile, the Bird-People of Avion are attacked by a squad of Beastmen, who are after the sky talisman, which Stratos wears. Stratos seeks help from He-Man, and with Tarrak's assistance, the heroes set off to find the other two talismans. </p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvBxN1urp_0C4XP9htSFLcB5YvDUsQhqV3UVckJEjkJAQ0ZcrUxC_6vWlhQ13DmTjX5wdEFecZgpQtYtM_A4JmiekFVrk18m09OHjH3AbOFU6DWW_aspv5mYKPpMDB9v1PfffyAg/s1186/IMG_1762.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1186" data-original-width="840" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvBxN1urp_0C4XP9htSFLcB5YvDUsQhqV3UVckJEjkJAQ0ZcrUxC_6vWlhQ13DmTjX5wdEFecZgpQtYtM_A4JmiekFVrk18m09OHjH3AbOFU6DWW_aspv5mYKPpMDB9v1PfffyAg/s320/IMG_1762.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This specific outfit and pose feels so familiar.</td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">He-Man and Battle Cat head into the jungle, where they meet a clan of barbarians that He-Man has encountered before, in what feels like a nod to his classic origins. He-Man once helped them battle a sexy evil wizard named Damon.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvrKBCOvvsuaeOpIoa2WcerU7MLuqJncXQaz51wjUXXJtpc3UEeQXdCs1JtCUN3mo7Q2x-6Tb3KLqofaMXJJ82141AK6mwPMrb_g6BQjEOOa91TvkzOqJMOjSYhdHGTJtadCuGg/s706/IMG_1792.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="706" data-original-width="678" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvrKBCOvvsuaeOpIoa2WcerU7MLuqJncXQaz51wjUXXJtpc3UEeQXdCs1JtCUN3mo7Q2x-6Tb3KLqofaMXJJ82141AK6mwPMrb_g6BQjEOOa91TvkzOqJMOjSYhdHGTJtadCuGg/s320/IMG_1792.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">The barbarians know where the cosmos talisman is, but before they can retrieve it, the group is attacked by demons again. He-Man takes the talisman, and is transported away. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikMRm7WBDqSAj_H0yDwf4SKiiL4w-vvUxj2Y0KdYO5bNlp-ee6jcwOsUseKvFhHZTY8QD_QGBT9mzHzsPD5oXvHFJ3W8zJEjxszk9ckuHuygEoLCa5NwhN00Y3uh1NyUo9UTpFMA/s2048/IMG_1764.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1356" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikMRm7WBDqSAj_H0yDwf4SKiiL4w-vvUxj2Y0KdYO5bNlp-ee6jcwOsUseKvFhHZTY8QD_QGBT9mzHzsPD5oXvHFJ3W8zJEjxszk9ckuHuygEoLCa5NwhN00Y3uh1NyUo9UTpFMA/s320/IMG_1764.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">Out in the Sea of Blackness, Man-at-Arms, Teela, and Stratos are looking for the sea talisman, which is being held by the Mer-People. Fortunately, Tarrak gave them potions so they could breathe underwater. Mer-Man leads a fight against them, because this version also has ambitions of his own, until Skeletor pulls a Darth Vader from a distance. Teela is less than grateful, so Skeletor leaves them to the mercies of the Mer-People.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtN98C5cAQT7MGBLoU9HnscrBkpJoDD5nei3IOKOZ2bxmeaWbEqLddnUwotDKn4G7SAGYiEV0fj6HJgQW3kWIg9JYURwk3dVtMilFUeWVLHpxiR09u92ZQO46f_KwlRMi4kMMVg/s1015/IMG_1793.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1015" data-original-width="901" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtN98C5cAQT7MGBLoU9HnscrBkpJoDD5nei3IOKOZ2bxmeaWbEqLddnUwotDKn4G7SAGYiEV0fj6HJgQW3kWIg9JYURwk3dVtMilFUeWVLHpxiR09u92ZQO46f_KwlRMi4kMMVg/s320/IMG_1793.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just going to admire how great Skeletor looks in that first panel for awhile.</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal">But Stratos claims the sea talisman just in time, and the whole crew is transported into a Steve Ditko drawing. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVqheldgJzatlzDStGkwG1HtOWH0PIv5oWj577lV6E2RXtjiZU2rujsZH2Uj8hd4m3PiMDDyZ3W6ZFJMJK_vyun_nlKHQRB1GTEtcA6F1sS4CbTgAY24qBUO3JBYSGcZZHDH5Gnw/s2048/IMG_1766.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1362" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVqheldgJzatlzDStGkwG1HtOWH0PIv5oWj577lV6E2RXtjiZU2rujsZH2Uj8hd4m3PiMDDyZ3W6ZFJMJK_vyun_nlKHQRB1GTEtcA6F1sS4CbTgAY24qBUO3JBYSGcZZHDH5Gnw/s320/IMG_1766.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">They get attacked by demons again, but are saved by Zodac, who refuses to give them any information about the person sending the demons, but a page later we learn that it's the wizard Damon, who wants the Power Swords so <i>he</i> can control Eternia, not that dimensional-carpetbagging wizard-come-lately Skeletor. He's gotten considerably less sexy and more...problematic since that brief appearance in the previous issue. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE_vjHsCnZ_ftbI7YHHtXfW_yZXJcQuPOL9R1B-LIEDNXJjVvph4SOax-oZpeiUsXoc4NaPIAhzJkrHbrTHZTHo-w8xkDGpJBhdYL1UxQ7s98VsCsUwK9_TcJu1_zXmhtJ_NWyTA/s1003/IMG_1768.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1003" data-original-width="962" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE_vjHsCnZ_ftbI7YHHtXfW_yZXJcQuPOL9R1B-LIEDNXJjVvph4SOax-oZpeiUsXoc4NaPIAhzJkrHbrTHZTHo-w8xkDGpJBhdYL1UxQ7s98VsCsUwK9_TcJu1_zXmhtJ_NWyTA/s320/IMG_1768.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Seriously, he looks like the antisemitic caricature from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJiheZ3aEug">that Carman video</a>. He also happens to be right next to where the Goddess stored the two halves of the Power Sword, but they're in an impenetrable force field, which is not mentioned again. <br /><p class="MsoNormal">Zodac uses the talismans to open a portal to the Sword's location (sort of?) and then gives them to Zoar the poorly-drawn falcon before sending the heroes on their way. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5bUWWUqyRRVUnv-yRZ8yU3eqRWvGqRHGaFPolEbvjP0rda3nlcvtU2y3IsgaJvLqEOD6oI1SSuw6fLnYCjCpowaBV7GbfPJumZbcAUilvgEo1TQe9Dk1wKHe0sZG91Guv6SRrA/s1356/IMG_1769.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="1356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5bUWWUqyRRVUnv-yRZ8yU3eqRWvGqRHGaFPolEbvjP0rda3nlcvtU2y3IsgaJvLqEOD6oI1SSuw6fLnYCjCpowaBV7GbfPJumZbcAUilvgEo1TQe9Dk1wKHe0sZG91Guv6SRrA/s320/IMG_1769.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Feels like the reference got away from you a bit.</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal">Meanwhile, Damon decides to tip his hand by attacking Skeletor, who lashes out with magic that is strong enough to teleport them both into Castle Grayskull, just as Damon had planned. But in a pretty great moment of both villains trying to two-steps-ahead each other, <i>that</i> was all part of <i>Skeletor's</i> plan, and he apparently kills Damon. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5NEhAbhO4lAdt9SY2cU9CapcvpD8dmvWa_pfrfzd-ZWN5gzmGV2ftvi23ZUtWzFLfJu7_l-UpydJTEmIhKPKFvAqpM7YiJUvGN2LJYLrtpKChCAn-ynFeDgGGdbjH74p6RcMomA/s2048/IMG_1771.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1345" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5NEhAbhO4lAdt9SY2cU9CapcvpD8dmvWa_pfrfzd-ZWN5gzmGV2ftvi23ZUtWzFLfJu7_l-UpydJTEmIhKPKFvAqpM7YiJUvGN2LJYLrtpKChCAn-ynFeDgGGdbjH74p6RcMomA/s320/IMG_1771.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">These comics go pretty hard for stuff that was based on toys for babies.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiEiDpHFgXwVKouXOUKoBDqHTeq0P8i0cfJIV5UgwpyzlEeDyd4AMU2pIGRzQwMsslzcIsMPesNyweyBhsG1p9Y442xqH8yORbP5seRwgryQAOABPIrXPkr43kHxSaWFu4vnVv1g/s1001/IMG_1767.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1001" data-original-width="703" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiEiDpHFgXwVKouXOUKoBDqHTeq0P8i0cfJIV5UgwpyzlEeDyd4AMU2pIGRzQwMsslzcIsMPesNyweyBhsG1p9Y442xqH8yORbP5seRwgryQAOABPIrXPkr43kHxSaWFu4vnVv1g/s320/IMG_1767.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, this happened earlier in the issue.</td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal">The heroes <i>also</i> end up in Castle Grayskull, which is apparently where the Power Sword is, even though we already saw Damon with the Power Sword before he was able to access Castle Grayskull.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXYSvwM47eFgiI47rTFq3BYKWX443HUMnLzOy7uOO_-uYNSnx5qlc18la5X0tYLTahDqMMbSLhFAWeqs2FYrKSIp7LXXT49k-WFqMJ58-DipeORv_20XdBjsQEP238bBZvZEOcg/s1348/IMG_1801.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="758" data-original-width="1348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXYSvwM47eFgiI47rTFq3BYKWX443HUMnLzOy7uOO_-uYNSnx5qlc18la5X0tYLTahDqMMbSLhFAWeqs2FYrKSIp7LXXT49k-WFqMJ58-DipeORv_20XdBjsQEP238bBZvZEOcg/s320/IMG_1801.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">You and me both, He-Man. The heroes split up to search the castle. Stratos gets caught in a giant spiderweb, Man-at-Arms gets blown up by a tripwire, and Teela ends up in a hedge maze until she stumbles on Skeletor, who pulls the Power Sword out of a magic warp. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEV-c74M8tS_YPdd4Q2ldqU166WoeRsKSXRu12UnVq9rc2rL7GY_tgLf9SIev9-4jLuH_j7OLMfC09nLu-vMEWoHDt3zWQC1JNp6CBHWj6eUtucZu2Hg0wj6h9seZjEawS_Nkgw/s2048/IMG_1772.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1344" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEV-c74M8tS_YPdd4Q2ldqU166WoeRsKSXRu12UnVq9rc2rL7GY_tgLf9SIev9-4jLuH_j7OLMfC09nLu-vMEWoHDt3zWQC1JNp6CBHWj6eUtucZu2Hg0wj6h9seZjEawS_Nkgw/s320/IMG_1772.jpg" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">He-Man shows up shortly after, but Skeletor sends Beast-Man (singular) and a monsterized Man-E-Faces (who was briefly introduced earlier in this third issue) against the hero. Eventually He-Man, Teela, and Zoar get the sword away from Skeletor, and then the Goddess appears to say "actually I wasn't in any danger, but your friends are all caught in booby traps." The End. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix3gojLOZ0UORBbFEFSOQT1uou8-QX3OzAqG-hGkh5fAsQ2qlmV1v-HnsRySZAbJ1a0_uf38JhmlaKXasWnHxabSVCbjeV533ncTU5ecly-hGPC2edBx2BRW_wq_5OKQzxRQEkiA/s1343/IMG_1774.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1343" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix3gojLOZ0UORBbFEFSOQT1uou8-QX3OzAqG-hGkh5fAsQ2qlmV1v-HnsRySZAbJ1a0_uf38JhmlaKXasWnHxabSVCbjeV533ncTU5ecly-hGPC2edBx2BRW_wq_5OKQzxRQEkiA/s320/IMG_1774.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">What an absolutely bizarre miniseries. It feels like it was initially intended to be four issues and cut down to three, but that change had to be made before the first issue—with its "Mini-Series 1 of 3" banner—went to the printers. The promotional push makes it seem like DC was intending to do a lot more than three comics and a handful of mini-comics. <a href="http://www.dcinthe80s.com/2021/01/dc-in-80s-interviews-editor-dave-manak.html">Editor Dave Manak speculated</a> that there might have been an issue with contract negotiations, but I'd be really interested if there's a clearer answer. Every aspect of the DC Masters of the Universe license feels abnormally cut off, right down to the end of this story. </p><p class="MsoNormal">Whatever the reasons were, this would be the last full-sized <i>Masters of the Universe </i>comic from DC for almost 30 years. Next time we'll pick up with the Marvel/Star Comics. </p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-60473557491663428432021-07-28T11:08:00.005-05:002021-07-28T11:09:49.952-05:00Guttor #2.5 - Masters of the Lettercol<span id="fullpost"></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKu5oFiD3tywaUt6qwdufaOnhgKfKzMPI-5Ap87lw6Aoj7EB9c-eWPEyfy39tOZguyiCtjj-6MMKt1aUR4Jf2OIbpg5lfrEOQ9Vs_uH6vOtRGUXSEnDR6feIKKhAbblAi4iP_Mkg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" width="400" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">I wanted to know what the regular
readers of <i>DC Comics Presents</i> got out of the Masters of the Universe
crossover, and in 1982 the only way to do that was to check the letters page.
Here’s the relevant page from <i>DC Comics Presents</i> #52:<o:p></o:p></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpBHYoxl0hH2K-S5E014uE_j4VZgbYlRsOyrfLnmQh8CM1zw8bl_AK28Ow5HtBxhiLJFwOv_BihX6T-rDQM-9YkhgihHdtXtgcBsrMuHX1OcP2MdBnX5vJvL2knzG_NWjFt2BhhQ/s2048/DCCP+52+letter+page.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1339" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpBHYoxl0hH2K-S5E014uE_j4VZgbYlRsOyrfLnmQh8CM1zw8bl_AK28Ow5HtBxhiLJFwOv_BihX6T-rDQM-9YkhgihHdtXtgcBsrMuHX1OcP2MdBnX5vJvL2knzG_NWjFt2BhhQ/w261-h400/DCCP+52+letter+page.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">The late, legendary letterhack T.M. Maple leads
the pack and sets the tone, generally praising the Masters of the Universe material and expecting more spotlight on the franchise down the line. Maple also notes, as I did, how DC seemed to be taking the plunge into licensed works the way Marvel had over the preceding five or so years. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">Next is Alexandra Peers, which is interesting to me because Alexandra <i>Spears</i> was a prominent member of the He-Man fan community in the early 2000s, though I suspect that's pure coincidence. She remarks that the names are silly, something that the next letter writer also says. I'm not sure I entirely buy the "sexist" remark, but I can kind of see where she's coming from. What's particularly interesting is that Tamsyn O'Flynn (according to the <a href="https://www.comics.org/issue/36885/">Grand Comics Database</a>, she's the "TOF" answering the letters here, though she's not credited in the issue) shares the concern, but more or less alludes to the idea that three-year-olds are kind of the target market in this case. As someone who was three years old at the height of He-Man's popularity, you can see how well that worked. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">W. Gregg Stamey, Jr. praises DC's licensed materials over Marvel's, praises He-Man over G.I. Joe, and compares the story favorably to <i>Nightmaster</i>. The story left him with questions and intrigue, which shows at least that it did its job as a hook for further adventures. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">So, more positive and less baffled than I would have expected, though there's also the inherent bias of these being the letters DC chose to print. But given a positive response even from die-hard old-school comics readers, it's baffling to me why the licensing fizzled out after five comics. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">But fizzle it did, until the flame reignited across the street three years later. But before we can dig into that, we'll be taking a look at DC's <i>Masters of the Universe</i> volume 1!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-6517367764396133362021-07-20T16:43:00.004-05:002021-07-23T19:30:05.128-05:00Guttor #2 - He-Man and Superman Fistfight in Liminal Space<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPkb4gSh6S1P_9Qox1kcjfTgrDHsNAaPTDFVxiX0qBNbpRJ7Da6_cPx67uuZ87Xk94Hw7g3bVRvXdtZpfJLM7raVMiBYZCcyW-MPcfZZbEuBhfbWeGRO5KsoUa1eT1i50neJ94Gg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Masters of the Universe toy cardback that reads "GUTTOR: Heroic master of comics" and "Figure substitutes SPACE for TIME!"" border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPkb4gSh6S1P_9Qox1kcjfTgrDHsNAaPTDFVxiX0qBNbpRJ7Da6_cPx67uuZ87Xk94Hw7g3bVRvXdtZpfJLM7raVMiBYZCcyW-MPcfZZbEuBhfbWeGRO5KsoUa1eT1i50neJ94Gg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" title="A Masters of the Universe toy cardback that reads "GUTTOR: Heroic master of comics" and "Figure substitutes SPACE for TIME!"" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>It's interesting to look back on DC and Marvel's history of licensed comics. Marvel famously acquired a lot of properties and incorporated most of them into their shared universe, to one degree or another. Star Wars and G.I. Joe were mostly siloed off into their own corners of the universe, but J. Jonah Jameson yelled at Godzilla and Spider-Man met the Transformers. And then there's Rom: Spaceknight, who's so Marvel Universe that Rick Jones was his sidekick. </div><div><br /></div><div>DC, by contrast, is a lot more conservative. I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of DC's licensed properties—I know Power Lords and Atari Force showed up around this time, and there were certainly a bunch in the 60s, like a long-running Jerry Lewis series—but it seems like they were a lot less integrated. But then, the DCU as a whole has always been more compartmentalized than the 616, so I suppose that makes sense. I also wonder how much of the difference is because DC was already a subsidiary of Warner Bros. by this point. <span id="fullpost"></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Which makes it all the more interesting to me that they decided to kick off their Masters of the Universe comics with the kind of special guest star move you'd expect from a Marvel book. DC's first story with the Masters of the Universe license would be 1982's <i>DC Comics Presents</i> #47.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhlkuztgDcxGKa2p7dVGKKKHaFwt6I1La74LxT5JETqQYQoB-MzTuJiquA5e4Lo3M_BAQYke-lpVGljQsVLsfOIFpN9C0KRLFz3-pLNylOIO6eKJV53dHgD6YNDAcWDJ321ExhQ/s609/843189.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="609" data-original-width="400" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJhlkuztgDcxGKa2p7dVGKKKHaFwt6I1La74LxT5JETqQYQoB-MzTuJiquA5e4Lo3M_BAQYke-lpVGljQsVLsfOIFpN9C0KRLFz3-pLNylOIO6eKJV53dHgD6YNDAcWDJ321ExhQ/w263-h400/843189.jpg" width="263" /></a></div><br /><div>It's a comic I have <i>some</i> fondness for...</div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Lx1-Jq_9ssBoH3M2Hp3KBgJDzQjNq6Sv4pWULwXpjh9WZlNpoTSYuOtyGZwYNdysbwLp0Zp0vOt9e-fBoGBwLiAqzU5xmqN1VlrxEVE9yml0eGSWnsAIJIg4ZjyA1mpKZM2kKg/s2048/IMG_8210.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Lx1-Jq_9ssBoH3M2Hp3KBgJDzQjNq6Sv4pWULwXpjh9WZlNpoTSYuOtyGZwYNdysbwLp0Zp0vOt9e-fBoGBwLiAqzU5xmqN1VlrxEVE9yml0eGSWnsAIJIg4ZjyA1mpKZM2kKg/s320/IMG_8210.jpg" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>Look, Superman is definitely my biggest obsession, but He-Man was my first, so putting them together is kind of a dream come true. And I think it works better here than it would have a year or two later, when the cartoon had eclipsed everything else as the dominant version of He-Man. Because cartoon He-Man is just classic Superman in furry underwear, the heroic strongman with a milquetoast secret identity. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Sxsvqcs6w4UYbPPiGqViRR8C4XXpwGIWW0zjVIt364pFE1TGmUXItSur0Cd5vg-UTg1Mwm-zvzeLN5nen1iQZ-2ZQtAfEmZL5Yj0jQexo5-fEGI-UgBxgnpcoijVGxI8MXR86w/s1333/IMG_1739.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="838" data-original-width="1333" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Sxsvqcs6w4UYbPPiGqViRR8C4XXpwGIWW0zjVIt364pFE1TGmUXItSur0Cd5vg-UTg1Mwm-zvzeLN5nen1iQZ-2ZQtAfEmZL5Yj0jQexo5-fEGI-UgBxgnpcoijVGxI8MXR86w/w400-h251/IMG_1739.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>This era's He-Man has a bit more in common with Batman, with Prince Adam as the carefree, womanizing playboy alter ego. Though it's suggested that this isn't really an act with Adam: he really is this unserious ale-loving goof-off with a strong sense of pride, but puts that aside when it's time to do his He-Man duties. He's also super-strong, even before transforming? It seems like the people of Eternia are just generally extremely strong, similar to Golden Age Kryptonians. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJFPogF4_GgYanQKpBUYV-AxRZXCKZlyNXCrvTZvTnpJ2LDmDhF8PM3ZupfG1wKsGkC5-fod9jHLwljBsobBuw4Jzfv7s53WKn1QnPzAeuKcVtVDIqGq58clLC5MvdSXamNqeMLQ/s1332/IMG_1731.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1209" data-original-width="1332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJFPogF4_GgYanQKpBUYV-AxRZXCKZlyNXCrvTZvTnpJ2LDmDhF8PM3ZupfG1wKsGkC5-fod9jHLwljBsobBuw4Jzfv7s53WKn1QnPzAeuKcVtVDIqGq58clLC5MvdSXamNqeMLQ/s320/IMG_1731.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><i>DC Comics Presents</i> #47, "From Eternia--with Death!" is written by Paul Kupperberg, with art by Curt Swan and Mike DeCarlo, letters by Ben Oda, and colors by Gene D'Angelo. It is <i>wild</i> to see the He-Man characters in Curt Swan's distinctive, timeless style. There's an interesting theme in the first part of the story, about keeping up appearances. Clark Kent is playing the klutz to maintain his image, while Adam is picking fights in a bar and chafing under Teela's heavy-handed guardianship, a threat to his masculine pride.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXhaFgJABc6-5CCMkZnfsV1yy5SCrJAtFcgSA5eAtZytKzW6IFxE4okcireuNSJiQyuFSNEdU6H6pRF0CK2uMwLLMUzrFAVUOhyphenhyphenfccJU_YhWy7rC0xtw1N9uz4QBkIcljEm_S7A/s1329/IMG_1741.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="1329" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXhaFgJABc6-5CCMkZnfsV1yy5SCrJAtFcgSA5eAtZytKzW6IFxE4okcireuNSJiQyuFSNEdU6H6pRF0CK2uMwLLMUzrFAVUOhyphenhyphenfccJU_YhWy7rC0xtw1N9uz4QBkIcljEm_S7A/s320/IMG_1741.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhibttmdiKghk6vOIldfv1Nvposhb8jdXn-jnkps8HNoXvLo_HISGqTip99R1o8S0YwpE1uhfPuJDb1brof68TNjfoKDAqdR3fgngEiwO0z6niMgSREtY34GI5MHPUFPSelPNcvwg/s2048/IMG_1740.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1357" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhibttmdiKghk6vOIldfv1Nvposhb8jdXn-jnkps8HNoXvLo_HISGqTip99R1o8S0YwpE1uhfPuJDb1brof68TNjfoKDAqdR3fgngEiwO0z6niMgSREtY34GI5MHPUFPSelPNcvwg/s320/IMG_1740.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div>It's at this point that the Sorceress summons Adam to stop Skeletor from another assault on Castle Grayskull. The attack inadvertently brings Superman to Eternia, where he fights Skeletor and Beast-Man, but learns quickly that he's vulnerable to Skeletor's magic powers. He meets He-Man, and the two quickly become allies, but Skeletor takes control of Superman and pits the Man of Steel against the Most Powerful Man in the Universe and it's glorious. </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6tZByGFvREsmL0mHo2INTNXNj2Oq8dEIAIRfGP1pVAjUBnFzQIJPRsM-ojpEdKH5toc_gABMBXSFGHPTYPA9zNUzP81PZ40QaME3ruw-Ve12qx3Z4uktpvByZblwEU7xrU8sPQ/s1340/IMG_1736.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1148" data-original-width="1340" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6tZByGFvREsmL0mHo2INTNXNj2Oq8dEIAIRfGP1pVAjUBnFzQIJPRsM-ojpEdKH5toc_gABMBXSFGHPTYPA9zNUzP81PZ40QaME3ruw-Ve12qx3Z4uktpvByZblwEU7xrU8sPQ/s320/IMG_1736.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>I wish this could go on for twenty more pages. But Superman manages to use his heat vision to distract Skeletor and free himself, and Skeletor teleports away. And I feel a little like Superman's parting sentiment might be what fans of DC Comics Presents thought about this issue:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVuv7vD8d5W2IDlZOn_w5Js74tJ5W8GD36YN0c_RSaRs9-MNG2hhefxqYXvJPl_BwkQEe-Fmx_gi8msoCbgw9fjTRjJ2XoERptRUnk40LoUxonjZmZsD3pLRmW-M5S5oMtGdrf_A/s1416/IMG_1744.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1416" data-original-width="1352" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVuv7vD8d5W2IDlZOn_w5Js74tJ5W8GD36YN0c_RSaRs9-MNG2hhefxqYXvJPl_BwkQEe-Fmx_gi8msoCbgw9fjTRjJ2XoERptRUnk40LoUxonjZmZsD3pLRmW-M5S5oMtGdrf_A/s320/IMG_1744.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"Welp, that was confusing." <br />"Want me to explain it to you?"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">"Nah, I'm good."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The story has extremely strong backdoor pilot energy. But it also serves as this nice showcase of the buffet-style approach taken to what little He-Man lore there was at the time. From the Series Bible, we have Prince Adam and his talking pet Cringer, Teela is the Captain of the Royal Guard, and Queen Marlena is a traveler from Earth (which is how Adam has heard of Superman, though that suggests that Superman's been active for at least nineteen years, or that time passes differently on Eternia, or that Superman traveled both in space and in time, any of which are possible). We've traded a quasi-medieval setting for the post-apocalyptic Hyborian landscape of those early minicomics.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHu95slGnvFlrYxKE_1M9X3ocxkGqQGtgIVoTyi0eXbtNIH0Pl5SQUahrVTtRlR5nHulq5KES-LPspBFllGGscU4PRw5AuAfLosxS3ydqlep1m11rgSxJKUS_5htOhaoXSwTE2hw/s1363/IMG_1742.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1363" data-original-width="1356" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHu95slGnvFlrYxKE_1M9X3ocxkGqQGtgIVoTyi0eXbtNIH0Pl5SQUahrVTtRlR5nHulq5KES-LPspBFllGGscU4PRw5AuAfLosxS3ydqlep1m11rgSxJKUS_5htOhaoXSwTE2hw/s320/IMG_1742.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But we also take the story structure from those first four minicomics: the Sorceress summons Adam to protect Castle Grayskull (which she is not the guardian of), and he gets power not from a sword and incantation, but from a cave. Skeletor seeks the two halves of the Power Sword, which he can use to steal Grayskull's secrets. Skeletor attacks the Castle and gets the upper hand, but through teamwork He-Man sends him packing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This transitional state is where we find the rest of this era of DC stories, continuing with "Fate is the Killer," a promotional 16-page preview inserted into several comics a few months after <i>DC Comics Presents</i> #47 hit. According to <a href="https://comicbookrealm.com/series/4033/0/dc-comics-masters-of-the-universe">ComicBookRealm</a>, this preview was included in 16 titles that month, which is considerably more than similar previews for <i>Atari Force</i> or <i>M.A.S.K.</i>, both of which came later. I wonder if the fact that DC only managed a 3-issue miniseries was a factor in scaling down the preview tie-ins for later properties. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For the creative team, Kupperberg, Swan, and Oda carry over from the <i>DCCP</i> issue, with Dave Hunt sharing art duties, and Anthony Tollin coloring.</div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibR20BK5OrxopVLY-XLx0koni2yV8gcxIBTA32gPyhR3va0baX0e7vIctQI3HHskDpO9u4aIPzlqhjURwipEp3mlCRZHZaghXe4I0kp1GpA4EAuFGLEX7vWKqrxSpEk6V5gYk3yA/s1983/IMG_1752.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1983" data-original-width="1335" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibR20BK5OrxopVLY-XLx0koni2yV8gcxIBTA32gPyhR3va0baX0e7vIctQI3HHskDpO9u4aIPzlqhjURwipEp3mlCRZHZaghXe4I0kp1GpA4EAuFGLEX7vWKqrxSpEk6V5gYk3yA/s320/IMG_1752.PNG" /></a></div>The preview begins with a glimpse of Zodac, the cosmic enforcer—think half Metron, half Watcher—zooming through space as narration describes Eternia as one world in the DC multiverse. He interrupts a party at the palace—where life of the party Prince Adam has recently arrived with "only <i>two</i> wenches"—to demand the world's greatest champion be handed over, forever. Adam and Cringer head off to meet the Sorceress—or Goddess, this time—at her magic cave. We're treated to more of those interesting departures from the Series Bible: Zoar the falcon is not actually the Sorceress, just her emissary, and Man-at-Arms is not privy to the details of He-Man's origins. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq3BGiZUAN0RQQ9MEH3moRhj5MYVttss5V2EgRBl0t0Z28wvZ809wzmMK4-AUMwkIx_DMsC0_WuVSM49U8-vEzRcryesal0y2fob2pCsB_go8NISVnKTGylc5z873xPnNeZpbHcg/s1282/two+wenches.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="880" data-original-width="1282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq3BGiZUAN0RQQ9MEH3moRhj5MYVttss5V2EgRBl0t0Z28wvZ809wzmMK4-AUMwkIx_DMsC0_WuVSM49U8-vEzRcryesal0y2fob2pCsB_go8NISVnKTGylc5z873xPnNeZpbHcg/s320/two+wenches.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8J2Xr23BYs9_I5CG1aoyjQst2lZbRi1SaziVJeH5wZSymwKSQ8Y0UtykBCjEBPXUwGBRKSK9-4RyN9C4Fbr12RMIU3gTsJYiutwIhSwZjKV_mqgHbWvDWLSOnIOtaWzu55T4gSg/s1198/zodac%2527s+visit.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1198" data-original-width="981" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8J2Xr23BYs9_I5CG1aoyjQst2lZbRi1SaziVJeH5wZSymwKSQ8Y0UtykBCjEBPXUwGBRKSK9-4RyN9C4Fbr12RMIU3gTsJYiutwIhSwZjKV_mqgHbWvDWLSOnIOtaWzu55T4gSg/s320/zodac%2527s+visit.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Meanwhile, Skeletor is still searching for the other half of the Power Sword, which has been hidden in the deepest ocean trench on Eternia—an idea that showed up in <i>King of Castle Grayskull</i>, where the two halves of the Power Sword were on Eternia's highest peak and buried beneath its strongest rock. So while He-Man fights Zodac, Skeletor sends magic through a portal at the bottom of the ocean to bring back the half of the Power Sword, which has been hidden on Earth.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The side effect of this is that an Eternian creature that looks like a Muppet octopus has ended up on Earth, where it encounters our guest star, Superman!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfVhtrTH5u-FuqknzYv8RA45NWmN4uWy-QZ-PMgprlPLaIszg8ow338asmcedaIZkBEHi-xuMVJE8YYQi42CynGQtHlHFbSiXJF6M20cgW9ydC0xwMuHneeByBK1xOPZSUs9_zsg/s1440/muppet+squid.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="954" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfVhtrTH5u-FuqknzYv8RA45NWmN4uWy-QZ-PMgprlPLaIszg8ow338asmcedaIZkBEHi-xuMVJE8YYQi42CynGQtHlHFbSiXJF6M20cgW9ydC0xwMuHneeByBK1xOPZSUs9_zsg/s320/muppet+squid.jpg" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Superman is pulled into the portal and quickly realizes that he's on Eternia again, and manages to stop Skeletor from uniting the Power Sword as the stars reach their proper alignment for him to take Grayskull's power (a plot point that would show up again in the "Masters of the Universe" movie). Skeletor attacks Superman with magic, and Superman throws away one half of the Power Sword, which slaps He-Man in the back some distance away. He-Man leaves the battle with Zodac to go after Skeletor, but Zodac warns that He-Man is fated to die in this battle. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgARUrzOuLDJhNM6d0qnJmA7KeRYoBV1jYkyQhzCfxIbrXvfVi2AEpAwqmCkSgciXEhWqjFwDjAleXmCgweGvA3bjCkQvqBoI0HdBJNSKutBn5uoWVKpPNkqqrPPhM6gDGntOmJQg/s1290/he-man+vs+zodac.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="623" data-original-width="1290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgARUrzOuLDJhNM6d0qnJmA7KeRYoBV1jYkyQhzCfxIbrXvfVi2AEpAwqmCkSgciXEhWqjFwDjAleXmCgweGvA3bjCkQvqBoI0HdBJNSKutBn5uoWVKpPNkqqrPPhM6gDGntOmJQg/s320/he-man+vs+zodac.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And he does, shot by a magic bolt from Skeletor's hand, just as he hurls his half of the Power Sword <i>into Skeletor's chest</i>, wounding Skeletor so severely that his life-energy is pulled into He-Man, reviving him. He-Man wakes up, and Superman is once again left in a state of confusion.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBcNB3ltxlR1xLuI5KWFsCX6bbt-BZy0-Hsm4unV_rtD-_e9X1_2QvJQrWIkEK4OEHvqxTam8qwAZYmqdYijUa45SDfwJ5H_r8MGsAAvpBqXRLWUQ5q3x9g_Wj-uZh0vX1BfDXQ/s1358/last+page.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1358" data-original-width="1307" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrBcNB3ltxlR1xLuI5KWFsCX6bbt-BZy0-Hsm4unV_rtD-_e9X1_2QvJQrWIkEK4OEHvqxTam8qwAZYmqdYijUa45SDfwJ5H_r8MGsAAvpBqXRLWUQ5q3x9g_Wj-uZh0vX1BfDXQ/s320/last+page.jpg" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And they wouldn't meet again for 31 years, outside of my toybox and fanfic.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It really is interesting how much of a push DC gave this property. At this time, DC was also producing the second wave of minicomics for the toys, which were written by Gary Cohn, co-creator of Blue Demon and Amethyst. They were very heavily involved with He-Man for what feels like maybe a year, before ties were, apparently, completely severed. The Marvel/Star series, the Magazine, and the daily Newspaper strip would all start in 1986, after the cartoon had finished original episodes and as the toyline was in decline. I wonder if it just wasn't profitable for DC, or if Mattel decided they could do better in-house, but it seems an odd choice to go for three years at the height of the property's popularity without a full-sized comic series on the newsstands, particularly when comics were such a major part of this line's popularity. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Meanwhile, between the DC Comics Presents issue and the Preview, a little comic called <i>G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero</i> launched across the street at Marvel, and would publish continuously until 1994, outlasting even the "New Adventures of He-Man" reboot. Between the DC and Marvel/Star MOTU series, Marvel also launched <i>Transformers</i>, and continued into 1991. MOTU and G.I. Joe were the first vanguard of the deregulated market that allowed these multimedia franchises based on toylines, so it's interesting to see how MOTU kind of fumbled the ball, while G.I. Joe would become the model for basically every intellectual property that followed, with market saturation in every conceivable medium.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Next time, we'll wrap up the first DC Comics era of <i>Masters of the Universe</i> by looking at the three-issue miniseries. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-22874405018172199252021-07-20T13:49:00.001-05:002021-07-20T16:42:57.542-05:00Guttor #1 - PrototypesA <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10826054/">new He-Man series</a> premieres on Netflix this week, and I'm cautiously optimistic about it, despite being <a href="https://twitter.com/Doubting_Tom/status/1416577783027933188">pretty disappointed</a> by the first issue of the new prequel series. But that comic got me thinking about the history of He-Man comics, and how despite being published by six different American companies—DC, Marvel/Star, Image, CrossGen, MV Creations, and now Dark Horse—there aren't actually that many He-Man comics. Or at least, there aren't that many if we exclude the minicomics, the newspaper strips, the magazines, and the foreign stuff.<span id="fullpost"></span><div><br /></div><div>And, well, while I've been a life-long fan of the Masters of the Universe properties and of comic books, I haven't actually <i>read</i> many of the MOTU comics. I've read the DC miniseries before, but I've never had all of the Star comics issues, and I fell off the MV Creations series around the same time I fell off the 200X cartoon (that Snake Armor just didn't do it for me). I read the first of the recent DC Comics minis, and I read <i>Masters of the Multiverse</i>, which was pretty great. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I've decided to read them all, which should prove to be a much less onerous undertaking than reading Mark Gruenwald's Captain America run, which I am also doing. And, since I am perpetually stuck in the past, I'm going to write about it here, in a series I'm going to call... </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1x8qO5M4DfWTEiOutkWSvoHSIFoOEcZr6yznsSJ2fuALrWKPM5NcBWrQhW2jfq5upRgpw3LtuKrlH_B_AUvUwsDaF0tsWbjlm4AWQCXtnIALBIIEmokbDmExTXTArs6sTx1aCg/s2048/GUTTOR+card.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Masters of the Universe toy cardback that reads "GUTTOR: Heroic master of comics" and "Figure substitutes SPACE for TIME!"" border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2048" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR1x8qO5M4DfWTEiOutkWSvoHSIFoOEcZr6yznsSJ2fuALrWKPM5NcBWrQhW2jfq5upRgpw3LtuKrlH_B_AUvUwsDaF0tsWbjlm4AWQCXtnIALBIIEmokbDmExTXTArs6sTx1aCg/w400-h254/GUTTOR+card.png" title="A Masters of the Universe toy cardback that reads "GUTTOR: Heroic master of comics" and "Figure substitutes SPACE for TIME!"" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div>To kick things off, I read the first four minicomics—which, to be clear, are not comics but illustrated prose. I won't be reading all the minicomics for this series, but I think these represent an interesting time, because it's before any of the He-Man concepts had really been fleshed out. These extremely rough stories became the foundation of the Masters of the Universe Series Bible, which I also read for this project. </div><div><br /></div><div>In my head, there's basically three eras of early He-Man: before the Series Bible existed, the transitional period that borrows from these original stories and the Series Bible, and the stuff that takes its cues from the cartoon. I'm taking a look at the first chunk today, as well as the Series Bible, because just as it's interesting to see <a href="http://the-fos.net/search/label/Rocket%20Trips">how the Superman origin has changed over the decades</a>, it's interesting to see He-Man before he was He-Man. </div><div><br /></div><div>The first four mini<strike>comics</strike>-storybooks—<i>He-Man and the Power Sword</i>, <i>King of Castle Grayskull</i>, <i>Battle in the Clouds</i>, and <i>The Vengeance of Skeletor</i>—were written by Donald F. Glut and illustrated by Alfredo Alcala. Alcala is very probably the first comic book artist I knew by name, and it's because of his work on the MOTU minicomics. I was born in '83, so I didn't have access to these stories as a kid, but Alcala's art on some of the other minicomics, like <i>Siege of Avion</i> and <i>Dragon's Gift</i>, always stood out. His art was so much more detailed and grotesque—and to a kid, kind of terrifying—compared to the other frequent minicomics artists like Larry Houston and Bruce Timm. </div><div><br /></div><div>As someone whose main entry point into the franchise was the FILMation cartoon, Alcala's art always seemed weirdly off-model. But looking at these booklets, Alcala may be the only artist who's ever really captured the ludicrous musculature of the He-Man action figure on the page. His He-Man is squat and thick, a mass of muscles who continually loses most of what passes for his clothing. And his Skeletor is monstrous, with lurid red points in his eye sockets and too many teeth. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQbuy6cKtcOT7o-MAc7GynB7kgWOzTAfDT3GJejw0I5BMDcVsPhdar5bDvUxE8mW5OQVYexrq-MBvpzGA6g1SQiUcr-6XzFeNm5b2HdsEZQ_xMPhNNks1E9OxPNAoB8ukxgWtyw/s1638/IMG_1728.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1638" data-original-width="1285" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQbuy6cKtcOT7o-MAc7GynB7kgWOzTAfDT3GJejw0I5BMDcVsPhdar5bDvUxE8mW5OQVYexrq-MBvpzGA6g1SQiUcr-6XzFeNm5b2HdsEZQ_xMPhNNks1E9OxPNAoB8ukxgWtyw/s320/IMG_1728.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3K0yyMR-tFV-6mThiPDkFLZVCx4IHymyEHJy7mAvt-ZHSPEqM8LRbcLkzFPc_X3qqnvmfxiHERp8pFwLYO_MgzCJ4RigECwM8q2St7_wMq_WP4MXUJHjYHPnXZcnvB7ATw2n9g/s1592/IMG_1722.jpg" style="clear: left; display: inline; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1592" data-original-width="1296" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3K0yyMR-tFV-6mThiPDkFLZVCx4IHymyEHJy7mAvt-ZHSPEqM8LRbcLkzFPc_X3qqnvmfxiHERp8pFwLYO_MgzCJ4RigECwM8q2St7_wMq_WP4MXUJHjYHPnXZcnvB7ATw2n9g/s320/IMG_1722.jpg" /></a></div></div><br /><div>His action sequences are dynamic, with great physicality that reminds me of those great Sal Buscema punches. And the detail he puts into even minor character designs or environments is shocking for booklets that were basically wallet-sized.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBVdTX2enlFdoKqwwQMZz318KPcMszOJChN32cOdx_KGH3gAZWqUzLiVIgpTBaYyLTZ7YThLQiiIkZ77lotQLZgCW9bwaaWSwi2PSWWyFnMEtI5801wrzo7Vze1dEhVxtKpdgKPA/s1583/IMG_1721.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1583" data-original-width="1290" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBVdTX2enlFdoKqwwQMZz318KPcMszOJChN32cOdx_KGH3gAZWqUzLiVIgpTBaYyLTZ7YThLQiiIkZ77lotQLZgCW9bwaaWSwi2PSWWyFnMEtI5801wrzo7Vze1dEhVxtKpdgKPA/s320/IMG_1721.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div>The art is often good enough to obscure the almost complete lack of continuity, not just from story to story, but from page to page and even between the art and the text. Teela and the Sorceress bear the brunt of the story-to-story lack of continuity, owing to the decision to try to get two characters out of one figure, a problem that extends into the next wave of minicomics and <a href="https://www.he-man.org/publishing/item.php?id=1443">MOTU's answer to "Who is Donna Troy?"</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmIAA4VVVG80zIP8bXgkkNTxjTb5b2zpVzsqsZA_DRpFijcZWn8BR_RU4yA5LOWH_v1D1PFO1F2iWDSsjIIGKqJzIltozkv7G4j8UbmGDfYvjPa6xBM88j8XScAi0THHsiB_nN3w/s994/Not+Teela.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="894" data-original-width="994" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmIAA4VVVG80zIP8bXgkkNTxjTb5b2zpVzsqsZA_DRpFijcZWn8BR_RU4yA5LOWH_v1D1PFO1F2iWDSsjIIGKqJzIltozkv7G4j8UbmGDfYvjPa6xBM88j8XScAi0THHsiB_nN3w/s320/Not+Teela.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>But even within stories, Teela's hairstyle changes, He-Man loses his vest without acknowledgement, and there are other fairly simple errors that you wouldn't expect from an experienced artist like Alcala. So I would be <i>fascinated</i> to hear how these were put together. Based on the interviews in "The Toys That Made Us," I would guess that the turnaround time was pretty tight, but I wonder if something close to Marvel Style was going on, where Alcala worked from Glut's rough outline and Glut filled in the detailed text afterward. It would help to explain some of the spots where Glut seems to be trying to fill in gaps between images, but it wouldn't really account for all the places where Glut's writing seems to be at odds with the art.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgLeEfPOX6I79aogf6TxeytWFzJh0_DqbvHmDtRCuJ1hGw5SEuhcJnc7IKwJQwpNhQuqG4wto5XqDguNOE1QeTBgTb3pXno9sMKOw0HjK9TD1dzDqugNJn0ja4anBf9gBl2amTng/s1719/IMG_1730.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1719" data-original-width="1280" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgLeEfPOX6I79aogf6TxeytWFzJh0_DqbvHmDtRCuJ1hGw5SEuhcJnc7IKwJQwpNhQuqG4wto5XqDguNOE1QeTBgTb3pXno9sMKOw0HjK9TD1dzDqugNJn0ja4anBf9gBl2amTng/w298-h400/IMG_1730.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe snow is just yellow on Eternia.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>Overall, the story is pretty simple, stitching together a variety of sword and sorcery tropes with the established toys. He-Man is an extremely strong barbarian who leaves his tribe to fight evil. He rescues a powerful Sorceress who gives him weapons, including an axe, a shield, and a harness, which were designed by technologically-advanced ancients. His allies include Battle Cat, a fierce giant tiger; Man-at-Arms, a hero from a society who keep and develop advanced weapons and vehicles; Stratos, the bird-man (who initially is shown working for Skeletor, though not named); and Teela, a beautiful warrior-goddess who becomes the protector of Castle Grayskull. Grayskull is a fortress full of powerful magic, dangerous traps, and advanced technology, overseen by a skull-faced spirit. </div><div><br /></div><div>Skeletor is a powerful wizard from another dimension who seeks the two halves of the Power Sword in order to take the power of Grayskull for himself. His ultimate goal is to open a portal back to his home and bring the rest of his people through. Skeletor is aided by his henchmen Beast-Man and Mer-Man, the latter of whom has ambitions of his own. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwrp_tn3kzKHTfNlGYSq7qzj3h2yNLkpbNMsAqlmptVZ89-e4gdZSES50aLY7Ya6sh7FHGmrcQYnW3Cri6mbBRgQrQlDV0vaPdvZdOoNx9KMXRTyh1DJOMbtWRSi8xFiepS6-L-A/s1675/IMG_1726.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1675" data-original-width="1249" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwrp_tn3kzKHTfNlGYSq7qzj3h2yNLkpbNMsAqlmptVZ89-e4gdZSES50aLY7Ya6sh7FHGmrcQYnW3Cri6mbBRgQrQlDV0vaPdvZdOoNx9KMXRTyh1DJOMbtWRSi8xFiepS6-L-A/w299-h400/IMG_1726.jpg" width="299" /></a></div><br /><div>What struck me about reading this now is how similar Skeletor's plan here is to Hordak's plan in <i>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power</i>, down to there being a whole horde of people identical to the villain, just waiting in some other dimension.</div><div><br /></div><div>Three of the four stories have the same plot structure: Skeletor seeks the Sword and makes an attack on Castle Grayskull, followed by a battle in which He-Man seems to be defeated, but through the help of his friends he's able to recover and they send Skeletor packing. The only one that deviates significantly from this is <i>Battle in the Clouds</i>, where Mer-Man defeats He-Man and takes his strength-enhancing harness, so He-Man must enlist the help of Man-at-Arms to retrieve it and his other weapons. This story just...ends, with He-Man describing the things he needs to do to resolve the plot now that he's got his vehicle back. It's a shame, because otherwise this is the most interesting of the books. </div><div><br /></div><div>Beyond the plot, the stories...well, again, I suspect that there wasn't a lot of time for second drafts or editing. They tend to read like a small child who loves Conan telling a story with a list of SEO keywords peppered in. He-Man has a harness that generates a force field, but he accidentally shuts it off when he gets shot by a ray gun. But he has another harness, which looks exactly the same, which gives him super strength. Mer-Man takes his super-strength harness so he can fight Skeletor but then he never uses it or fights Skeletor and he takes the Battle Ram which can fly and has lasers but can also teleport, and He-Man has to find Man-at-Arms to take the Wind Raider which can fly up the mountain where Teela is but Mer-Man attacks them and they smash head-on and Man-at-Arms is thrown from the Wind Raider but then Stratos shows up and whoops we ran out of pages. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's a lot of what you'd expect from stories designed to sell toys, with descriptions of how the action features of the toys work, how the characters relate to each other, what the main conflicts are, so kids at home have a framework to build their play sessions on. But there's also descriptions of the kinds of things you could <i>pretend</i> the characters are doing, like Stratos shooting lasers from his hands or Mer-Man's sword firing blasts of seawater. It's strange, but in an interesting way. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then we come to the <a href="https://www.he-man.org/cartoon/document.php?id=44&mid=18">Series Bible</a>, written by Michael Halperin. What's surprising to me is how much of the document is basically like a pilot episode that the animated series never had, detailing much of Eternia's backstory in prose. Here is where we introduce the idea that He-Man is secretly Prince Adam, son of Eternia's King Randor and Queen Marlena, and Battle Cat is secretly the cowardly talking tiger Cringer. We learn that Marlena was originally an astronaut from Earth, and that Teela is secretly the daughter of the Sorceress, who was adopted by Man-at-Arms. The characters who would become Orko, Webstor, Jitsu, and Kobra Khan are all introduced here as well. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And then there are the ideas introduced here that never took hold, such as Skeletor's base being on Infinita, a counter-Eternia orbiting on the other side of its sun, or Beast-Man, Evil-Lyn, and Tri-Klops originally being members of Marlena's shuttle crew (Biff Beastman, Evelyn Powers, and Dr. T. E. Scope, respectively), transformed by Infinita's dark magic. Mer-Man and Trap Jaw are mentioned, but are not part of the shared origin for some reason. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Bible also jettisons a lot of what little we learned from the four storybooks. The Power Sword is no longer the key to Castle Grayskull, nor is it broken into two pieces. He-Man is not a barbarian with a hi-tech harness, but a carousing Prince who can transform into a mythical hero with a magic phrase. Teela is not the guardian of Castle Grayskull but the Captain of the Royal Guard, and it's the Sorceress who protects Grayskull's secrets. And Eternia itself, which in those first four stories often seems like a barren place inhabited by a handful of named action figures, becomes a fleshed-out setting with different landmasses and environments. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it's those changes from the earliest media that make the next section so interesting. DC's MOTU Comics, including the second wave of minicomics (or, technically, the first wave of minicomics since the previous four weren't actually comics), exist in this weird transitional state, borrowing both from the Series Bible and these early concepts to create something that's not quite as rough as those first four stories, but not quite as polished and kid-friendly as the cartoon. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and Superman shows up. Check it out next time!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-91179810033244171462021-06-15T10:49:00.003-05:002021-06-15T10:49:39.265-05:00Supervillains, Politics, and Discourse<div>So, I haven't watched "The Falcon & The Winter Soldier" yet (though I have been working my way through the Gruenwald run on <i>Captain America </i>in conjunction with the <a href="https://warrocketajax.libsyn.com/">War Rocket Ajax</a> "FalChris and Wilson Soldier" series), but even before the show started, a discourse that's become common, especially regarding MCU movies, cropped up regarding the "anarchist" Flag Smashers. The complaint goes like this: </div><blockquote><div>Corporate capitalist Disney creates villains who have good, correct politics, but then makes the villains do evil stuff to undermine those politics.</div></blockquote><p>Or something to that effect. And on the surface, it seems true. Setting Magneto aside (the ur-example of this particular issue), the MCU has given us Killmonger, Vulture, Thanos, and (arguably) Baron Zemo as sympathetic villains who espouse various leftist political ideas. Killmonger is a vocal opponent of colonialism, Vulture was a critic of billionaire Tony Stark and a champion of the working class, Thanos wanted to end environment-ruining overconsumption, and Zemo...well, something something his family died. I assume he gets more characterization in the TV series.</p><p>But in order to undermine those political philosophies, Disney has each villain do bad stuff! Killmonger kills his girlfriend! Vulture tries to kill Spider-Man! Thanos...well, there's a distressingly large number of people who don't see what Thanos did as particularly villainous. </p><p>On the surface, it's compelling, and it pre-empts my usual "[Villain] was right, actually!" response, which is "maybe pay more attention to their actions than their rhetoric." But I still think it's a really facile read. Killmonger talks a big game about opposing colonialism, but he's a CIA-trained operative who destabilizes governments, and his plan is verbatim what we're told he learned from the Agency. He isn't an opponent of colonialism, he just wants to be the colonizer. Vulture has the folksy accent of a working-class guy, and is certainly a small businessman next to Tony Stark, but he's a <i>boss</i>. He owns his business from the start, and ends up using his wealth to buy a mansion, while his employees sure seem to be living a lot more lean. Thanos gets an omnipotence glove and instead of using it to increase the amount of resources or improve distribution, he destroys half of all living things, <i>which would include a whole lot of the resources that he's so concerned about.</i> </p><p>These aren't leftist characters who do a villain thing out of nowhere to make sure the audience connects leftist politics to villainy, they're villains who use a veneer of leftist politics to justify their heinous actions. Something that you might note if you're the kind of person who's ever had to explain that while "Nazi" is short for "national socialist," they weren't actually trying to seize the means of production for the working class.</p><p>And MCU movies aren't exactly subtle about this. Every sympathetic MCU villain I can think of shares the screen with some counterpart who espouses the same kinds of leftist ideals in a <i>genuine</i> way. From the start of "Black Panther," Nakia argues that Wakanda needs to be less isolationist and use their resources to help people. Vulture and Spider-Man both have tech taken from Tony Stark, but Peter still lives in an apartment and uses his resources to help the everyday people around him, not to enrich himself. Gamora shows us the human cost of Thanos's fanaticism. Hell, the very next thing he does is destroy the Infinity Gems, further reducing the resources of the universe. </p><p>But leaving all that aside...there are also a whole lot of people out there who share a lot of my politics and still end up taking them to extremes that I find abhorrent. People who I'd agree with about the problems of capitalism, but who think "identity politics" is a neoliberal psyop and trans people are the result of bourgeoisie decadence. There are people I'd agree with about the horrors of American imperialism, but who think North Korea is just hunky-dory. "Left-leaning person who goes too far off some deep end" is definitely an overused trope in media (see also: "Community") but it's not like it's unrealistic. </p><p>The thought finally crystallized for me when I was (to bring this full circle) reading Flag Smasher's first appearance in <i>Captain America</i> #312. There's a lot of back-and-forth about philosophy between him and Cap in that comic, and there are definitely places where I agree with Flag-Smasher and disagree with Captain America. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIkr4dE6OysbczQU1pIQTGeiKJIYaB8vNL-_oMRq-hOW89h2OvdoxmcCsGlo5qZNhPl0MwE1AvGYoOt6icCUvZE3sYH1GVHCDrWv7V7_ju2M7o7hpbjCiotiljBodd7cABZgyd5g/s1201/IMG_1703.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Panels of Flag-Smasher and Captain America having a really wordy debate." border="0" data-original-height="1190" data-original-width="1201" height="396" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIkr4dE6OysbczQU1pIQTGeiKJIYaB8vNL-_oMRq-hOW89h2OvdoxmcCsGlo5qZNhPl0MwE1AvGYoOt6icCUvZE3sYH1GVHCDrWv7V7_ju2M7o7hpbjCiotiljBodd7cABZgyd5g/w400-h396/IMG_1703.jpg" title="Panels of Flag-Smasher and Captain America having a really wordy debate." width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGmwFd0Aif9HdKkYwx2bENdVnQovTRlVfncgwhc0LmQ_OKpxOguOTcOPxVSb_OlZIVZMcjalNBJnf0Z-G1NvDZuSTMFdzC5iqz83rxXgPWuTWken-yrQRKyHkEUYXesS1Td8oIA/s1217/IMG_1704.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Another panel of Flag-Smasher and Captain America having a really wordy debate." border="0" data-original-height="746" data-original-width="1217" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisGmwFd0Aif9HdKkYwx2bENdVnQovTRlVfncgwhc0LmQ_OKpxOguOTcOPxVSb_OlZIVZMcjalNBJnf0Z-G1NvDZuSTMFdzC5iqz83rxXgPWuTWken-yrQRKyHkEUYXesS1Td8oIA/w400-h245/IMG_1704.jpg" title="Another panel of Flag-Smasher and Captain America having a really wordy debate." width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>But for as much as I might agree with some of Flag-Smasher's <i>theory</i>, I can't get behind his <i>praxis</i>. And as much as I might disagree with Cap, I can recognize that he <i>does good things for the world</i>. Like, this issue is about Cap using an unexpected financial windfall to set up a hotline so average people can call him and get him to help them, and that is <i>a much better use of time</i> than burning down a factory that makes American flags.</p><p>In short, Flag-Smasher is doing grand but ultimately meaningless media stunts, and Cap is doing actual activism. Who would you rather have on your side?</p><p>So, anyway, I started this post a couple of weeks ago. I've since watched "The Falcon & the Winter Soldier," thought it was mostly fine (though they really needed to do more with Isaiah Bradley), and figure most of what I said here applies there too. Now let me just take a big sip of coffee and check in on the current comics discourse...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikyfQ0h2-cstGeQsc7Vm3vAdR011z18HGzgC8pg6BbRR4o-_xQOKkWPgafL4kDkdD3W3qLT-oo3iDcgM7dGbJx5EcXW47ll2mxuvfCCqDh270-lhuUPLsEuITxdFJApDoOofslAg/s627/bad+villain+hot+take.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tweet with Killmonger, Joker, Thanos, & Omni-Man saying "Growing up is realizing, they were all right."" border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="627" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikyfQ0h2-cstGeQsc7Vm3vAdR011z18HGzgC8pg6BbRR4o-_xQOKkWPgafL4kDkdD3W3qLT-oo3iDcgM7dGbJx5EcXW47ll2mxuvfCCqDh270-lhuUPLsEuITxdFJApDoOofslAg/w400-h335/bad+villain+hot+take.png" title="Tweet with Killmonger, Joker, Thanos, & Omni-Man saying "Growing up is realizing, they were all right."" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><i>*spit take* </i><a href="https://twitter.com/JoeOtterson/status/1404495349520244736">Batman won't do what</a>?!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-72864933726958916832021-04-18T20:43:00.002-05:002021-04-18T20:43:45.220-05:00Blunder Force? Thunder Farce? Look, I'm not putting more thought into this title than they did into their movie<i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Owtl1tzUH143FWnTUazqSOrc-YectzRlQqQOtnfHU901ui6EUpsHjOKUo_i-j2LvR7AppzMBC9cO_s1_WNDHRpUYI6eN8UKXw7gtBJImMcBSaNyb7MN6skSDVjPVXJrwmuGI4w/s1280/thunderforce-wide.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="The poster for Netflix's Thunder Force, showing Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer in superhero outfits doing arms-akimbo poses." border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Owtl1tzUH143FWnTUazqSOrc-YectzRlQqQOtnfHU901ui6EUpsHjOKUo_i-j2LvR7AppzMBC9cO_s1_WNDHRpUYI6eN8UKXw7gtBJImMcBSaNyb7MN6skSDVjPVXJrwmuGI4w/w320-h180/thunderforce-wide.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Thunder Force</i> is the second-best superhero movie to feature Seal's "Kiss from a Rose."<span id="fullpost"></span><div><br /></div><div>I'll try to keep this short. Spoilers ahead. </div><div><br /></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div><div>Everything about Netflix's "Thunder Force" feels half-baked, from the characters to the plot to the worldbuilding. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Brief synopsis: In a world where a freak event causes people with a predisposition to sociopathy to develop superpowers, kid genius Emily Stanton's (Octavia Spencer) scientist parents are killed in the crossfire. She moves schools and becomes friends with tough slacker Lydia Berman (Melissa McCarthy), but they have a falling out in college, and catch up around their 20-year high school reunion. Emily is now a wealthy buisnesswoman and scientist, who has developed a way to give superpowers to normal people, which Lydia stumbles into. Lydia ends up with super strength, and Emily gains the ability to turn invisible. Together they become Thunder Force, a team protecting Chicago from the super-powered Miscreants including Laser (Pom Klementieff) and The Crab (Jason Bateman), who are barely-secretly working for wealthy mayoral candidate The King (Bobby Cannavale) whose actual name I can't remember fifteen minutes after finishing the film. </div><div><br /></div><div>Tonally, this movie is a mess. It feels like a knockoff superhero movie from twenty-plus years ago, like <i>Sky High</i>, but the subject matter and humor really don't feel kid-friendly, at least, not a lot of the time. There was a point where I remarked that it felt like <i>The Mask</i>, another comic book movie that didn't seem to really know who its audience was supposed to be. </div><div><br /></div><div>The humor is all over the place. It vacillates between kid-friendly gross-out and slapstick, and apparently-improvised awkward humor that nearly always goes on too long, and <i>shockingly</i> few of the jokes actually land. Oh, and there's a joke about Melissa McCarthy (and later, Jason Bateman) only eating raw chicken that may be the first running gag I've seen where "gag" is intended literally. </div><div><br /></div><div>We get a pretty good sense of Lydia's personality, but that may be because she's basically just the character Melissa McCarthy usually plays (not a knock on McCarthy so much as the roles she's cast into). Emily is less consistent; sometimes she's an irritable Vulcan, other times she's insisting that she's a fun person. She apologizes to her daughter (played by Taylor Mosby) for missing out on so much of her life, but we haven't actually seen that? If anything, she's felt more like a helicopter parent, and her daughter's expressed an inability to talk to her about normal teenage things. Other characters have a tendency to stay off-screen for long stretches, like Emily's assistant Allie, who does a third-act heel turn, and The King's political opponent Rachel Gonzalez (a thinly-veiled AOC stand-in) who is mentioned several times but doesn't actually appear until an hour into the film. </div><div><br /></div><div>In a movie where your two leads have very different powers that reflect things about their personality, you'd expect that the plot would be designed around giving them both opportunities to use their powers in interesting ways. Instead, we have lots of opportunities for Lydia to do feats of super strength, while Emily mostly uses her invisibility while she's already hiding behind things. They even have to come up with a weapon for her—a supercharged taser—which <i>requires her to become visible to use</i>, so even in the one battle where she goes transparent, she pops in every time she hits someone. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's a common problem with invisible characters: turning invisible is a neat power, but it's not very useful when you're doing superhero stuff. That's why characters with invisibility powers are either relegated to activities where such powers are useful (e.g., Invisible Kid) or have other abilities to make them more effective in combat. There's a reason that Lee & Kirby eventually gave Sue Storm the ability to make other objects invisible and create force fields. There's only so many times you can sneak around and tug Dr. Doom's cape. There's no reason why they couldn't have given Emily electric powers instead of a taser, which would have even tied into the "Thunder Force" name. </div><div><br /></div><div>The villains' powers are no better. The King has super strength, but the scene where we first learn that doesn't actually make it clear what his ability is (he hugs a henchman to death). Laser's name and her first power usage suggests she shoots beams of energy that cut through things, but later she has more electrical powers, and...electro-telekinesis? The powers in this movie are so ill-defined that it feels like watching the Lester cut of <i>Superman II</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>The effects are generally fine, though when Octavia Spencer is shown invisible-but-visible-to-the-viewer, it's like they made no attempt whatsoever to make her look like she's actually on the set with anyone else. It's about what you'd expect from a CW show, with maybe a bit more budget. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's not all bad. Taylor Mosby really steals the show, being an absolute delight in every scene she's in, and she gets to save the day in the end (even if it doesn't actually make sense how she could get super-powers). The super-powered villains are called "Miscreants," which I like, and which leads to probably the best recurring gag in the movie. There's a surprisingly decent soundtrack, including the aforementioned Seal song and a theme song for the movie featuring Scott Ian from Anthrax and Tina Guo from the <i>Wonder Woman</i> soundtrack. </div><div><br /></div><div>But it's not enough to keep the movie from feeling like it was slapped together with a "good enough" attitude. It's not the worst superhero movie I've seen. It's not even <a href="http://www.the-fos.net/2021/03/justice-fatigue-exhaustive-and.html">the worst superhero movie I've seen in the last month</a> (am I kidding? Am I exaggerating? <i>I honestly have no idea</i>). But it's not good, and it's not really worth the 106 minutes, even if it's basically free. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-69408196413287342812021-03-28T16:21:00.002-05:002021-03-28T16:21:18.080-05:00Superman & Lois - HaywireA late post because I decided to let "Justice League" live in my head for a week. Spoilers ahead!<br /><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Not gonna lie, I was more excited to hear the name "Thaddeus Killgrave" than anything in any other superhero media I might have consumed in the last ten days. </div><div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpkyxkq-Xy-k9si_4ILtpZe3Zxj3RKxPhgSz3iZfY7RooeEG-ILdpCGNteKibwkVLskua4Jo_Sl0YBf1AoMGhdpoV9HG2AGxhkE01EXk1FxNWWhIHpqZejGog47YRCE_L4NqAp1g/s1361/kilgrave.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1361" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpkyxkq-Xy-k9si_4ILtpZe3Zxj3RKxPhgSz3iZfY7RooeEG-ILdpCGNteKibwkVLskua4Jo_Sl0YBf1AoMGhdpoV9HG2AGxhkE01EXk1FxNWWhIHpqZejGog47YRCE_L4NqAp1g/w400-h183/kilgrave.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div><div><br /></div><div>Though given Killgrave's appearance in the comics, it would've been nice to see them give the role to a little person. I was going to say something about how wild it is that a name that Silver Age didn't get attached to a character until 1988, but Google reminded me that the Purple Man (1964) is Zebediah Killgrave, and now I want to see <i>that </i>crossover. </div><div><br /></div><div>Teens developing unexpected superpowers due to kryptonite? A Kent parent fighting back against the billionaire industrialist with sinister designs on the town? Yep, "Haywire" is the episode where the B-plots go full "Smallville." And I kind of love it. Hey, look at how much better a "Smallville" plot is when it has tights <i>and</i> flights!<br /></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>I feel like Superman stories are at their best when they pit Superman's priorities against each other, and this episode's A-plot is all about the Man of Steel's priorities. Sam Lane is here to be the voice of duty and responsibility—and, to a large degree, fear—repeatedly saying how Superman is the most important person on the planet and that changes to his routine scare the powers that be. Meanwhile, Clark's also trying to be a good father and a good husband, and all three of those responsibilities come to a head here when he's called away from Jordan and Jon's crisis to deal with Killgrave, and then called back to deal with that crisis, ultimately missing the town council meeting where Smallville approves Morgan Edge's plan.</div><div><br /></div><div>Lois and the kids really get a chance to shine here. Lois confronts Morgan Edge and his henchwoman, and she gets some good bonding moments with Lana. I really do want to see that friendship develop, and I'm glad that they've veered away from sowing drama between Lana and Clark, at least so far. </div><div><br /></div><div>Jordan's success on the football field leaves Jon kind of adrift, and we see that he's got a nice mix of his mom's investigative skills and dad's compassion. He's the one who realizes that something's wrong with Tag, the football player whose arm got injured in the explosion Jordan caused back in the Pilot. Jordan, meanwhile, has dad's overactive sense of responsibility, and is sure that it's his heat vision that caused Tag's superspeed seizures.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other source of drama in the episode comes from Sam telling the boys that they need to remember how important their dad's time is, and to not waste it—a warning which, naturally, almost leads to disaster (and leads to a big fight where Lois puts Sam very much in his place). </div><div><br /></div><div>It's a good episode that plays to the strengths of the concept, showing how very mundane domestic concerns and superheroic ones intersect, with the Kent family at the center of it to varying degrees. It's also a nice rebuke of so many of the problematic approaches we've seen to married superheroes, like the New 52 idea that a marriage is the end of drama, the '90s Spider-Man idea that a marriage only has drama when it's constantly on the rocks, or the Tomasi idea that a superhero family must be some picturesque picket-fence 1950s nuclear family. Conflict and tension arises naturally out of a long-term relationship, even a happy and successful one, and Lois's feeling like she's too low on the list of priorities—and her conflict about even expressing that feeling—is extremely relatable as someone who's in a marriage of two people who are often way too busy. </div><div><br /></div><div>So the episode ending on a romantic candlelight dinner for Clark and Lois—one which, naturally, gets interrupted by a Super crisis—is a really nice touch, and Clark's speech to Lois (and Lana's speech to Lois, too) is a good reminder about why they work as a couple. </div><div><br /></div><div>So far, the places where this show excels are where it explores how having superpowers affects everyday problems—trying to fit in at school, sibling rivalries, being a good parent and partner—and how everyday problems—overprotective parenting, disapproving grandparents—are amplified when you're in a superhero universe. It's a lesson that more domestic-style superhero stories could learn. </div><div><br /></div><div>Browsing through the IMDB page, there's someone credited as Dabney Donovan, though I didn't catch them in the episode. That bodes well for future stories. I friggin' love Cadmus. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-38268584828863483812021-03-25T20:01:00.004-05:002021-03-26T07:44:54.890-05:00Justice Fatigue: An Exhaustive (and Exhausting) Discussion of Zack Snyder's "Justice League"<div>So, Zack Snyder's "Justice League." </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmNX62WCB1hD-odxOmhUorsmvQH5mPi89lR8HsGbg5-o9GqFOfNPsKJtVHzlvenKPvKs2fX5F2X3NbXmN0FtR3GiVIkuw80fI56gmoiF9p4Za19dOIOdQ9OK5vHF4ociqr3CszQ/s1200/zsjl+spoilers.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="1200" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmNX62WCB1hD-odxOmhUorsmvQH5mPi89lR8HsGbg5-o9GqFOfNPsKJtVHzlvenKPvKs2fX5F2X3NbXmN0FtR3GiVIkuw80fI56gmoiF9p4Za19dOIOdQ9OK5vHF4ociqr3CszQ/w400-h211/zsjl+spoilers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div><div>To get it out of the way: no, it doesn't pass the Middle Batman Movie Test. Both options involve messy-but-interesting failures of movies, but "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever" make efforts to be entertaining. Zack Snyder's "Justice League" is so self-serious and so laden with a sense of <i>Importance</i> and <i>Gravitas</i> that the only times it ever approaches entertainment as a goal is during the big fight scenes. </div><div><br /></div><div>The other big question, "is it better than Joss Whedon's cut?" is harder to answer. Whedon's version is a shambling Frankenstein of a film, a mess of different tones, never quite sure what kind of movie it wants to be, and the pieces don't all fit together. Snyder's cut is considerably more consistent, and in a lot of ways, more competent, but it instead becomes a mess of themes and aborted character arcs and plot lines that should have been their own movies and redundant scenes that would otherwise have been cut for time. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's the difference between having a big bowl of <a href="https://www.jellybelly.com/beanboozled-jelly-beans-1.6-oz-box-5th-edition/p/98678-5">jelly beans</a> where some are normal flavors and some are flavors like dirty diaper and sweatsocks, and having a big bowl of jelly beans but they're all black licorice. It makes the comparison pretty difficult. </div><div><br /></div><div>The extremely cursory notes I took over the course of this movie came out to 2,200 words, about a quarter of what I wrote in my <a href="https://www.the-fos.net/2017/12/both-grunting-detailed-look-at-batman-v.html">overlong analysis of "Batman v. Superman,"</a> so it's pretty clear that my usual method of assessing the film in a linear way isn't going to cut it. Instead I'm going to talk about the problems of Zack Snyder's "Justice League," in rough order of significance, and along the way that should give me the opportunity to talk about what I liked as well. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>It's Trying To Be Too Many Movies</b><br /><br /></div><div>"Justice League" was a bad idea from the start. Warner Brothers wanted their cinematic universe, and like everyone else who's tried to follow the MCU—Sony with Spider-Man, Fox with the X-Men, Universal with the Dark Universe, even Warner previously with Green Lantern—they didn't want to put in the work to get there. They clearly wanted "Justice League" to be their "Avengers," but a <i>huge</i> part of why "The Avengers" worked as a movie was because we already knew all the characters. Every main character, including the villain, had already been either the star or a featured character in a previous installment in the franchise. Even the characters whose origins we hadn't seen—Fury, Black Widow, Hawkeye—were familiar from their appearances in the earlier films. They laid <i>five movies</i> worth of groundwork before trying to pull the team together. "Justice League" should have come, <i>at the very least</i>, after the "Aquaman" feature film, and ideally after a solo outing for the Flash. </div><div><br /></div><div>More than that, they should have done more to seed the "Justice League" villain or the larger mythology in the earlier films. We learn in "Wonder Woman" that Ares slaughtered the rest of the old gods until Zeus took him down and (sigh) fathered Diana. How easy would it have been to tweak that story? In both versions of "Justice League," we get a flashback to a war that united the old gods with the other kingdoms of Earth against the legions of Apokolips; why not make that the incident that killed the old gods? You could still make Ares the betrayer—he sided with Darkseid—and still have Zeus's dying action, but we could see Darkseid in the renaissance-painting flashback, we could see the Mother Box in the chamber where they keep the Godkiller sword, and we wouldn't have to spend <i>so much </i>of this movie on exposition. </div><div><br /></div><div>But they didn't lay that groundwork, so instead this movie has to introduce Aquaman, the Flash, Cyborg, and Steppenwolf as major characters, <i>plus</i> the Mother Boxes and the history between Earth and Apokolips, plus Atlantis and things we didn't know about Themyscira. That was all true in the theatrical version, but the Snyder Cut expands all of that, <i>plus</i> introducing Darkseid and Desaad and the Anti-Life Equation and the Martian Manhunter. The movie is massively overloaded before you get anywhere near the actual plot, which is closer in scope and structure to "Infinity War" than the first "Avengers" movie. This movie could have been a twelve-hour season of prestige television and it still would have been overstuffed. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI7eS62WAlorbIWB5dBVhaiaSozHCh0aq87uuIwuPgsVl8K5rVo1E5neADDjvpWkiqMehhcaMi5-94SdclPSxgXaT-Y43VOWOZ7dBxrYcML8Rn-I9bmEsZuZSsJq_gU3BQ9ns99g/s1024/ZSJL+17.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Desaad, Darkseid, and Granny Goodness on Apokolips." border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1024" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI7eS62WAlorbIWB5dBVhaiaSozHCh0aq87uuIwuPgsVl8K5rVo1E5neADDjvpWkiqMehhcaMi5-94SdclPSxgXaT-Y43VOWOZ7dBxrYcML8Rn-I9bmEsZuZSsJq_gU3BQ9ns99g/w320-h223/ZSJL+17.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div>"Justice League" wanted to be "The Avengers," but the better template would have been a movie designed to introduce an entire team and world—"X-Men." Which brings us to...</div><div><br /></div><div><b>It Should've Been Cyborg's Movie</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>So many of the structural and thematic problems with this movie would have been solved if they'd just made Vic Stone our point-of-view character, the way Rogue was in the first "X-Men" movie. Enough of the pieces are there that it seems like this was the case in some earlier draft of the script. We get two extended flashbacks to Vic's origins, first to his time as a college football star and tragic car accident, then to the experiment with the Mother Box that gave him his cybernetic parts. Victor is the only member of the team to get a full character arc. The emotional turning point of the film is when Victor watches his father die in a way that mirrors Pa Kent's sacrifice in "Man of Steel," down to being entirely avoidable. Cyborg's the character with a connection to the central MacGuffin, and he's the only member of the cast aside from Superman who plays a non-support role in the final battle. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCcScUfTT7merX7WsBs7_c8FpYpvL4clFJ_3FFjzdBxOWAg1jMTE1oZUbYUNtIuHXGNoIjWQ6tEmDqTf7Mjw9P_Eew9D76qpUk_YEyw36ntGIeumqMmfXKdPb5v2FZGnoBMos78w/s1024/ZSJL+33.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Victor Stone in football gear, playing quarterback for his college team." border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1024" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCcScUfTT7merX7WsBs7_c8FpYpvL4clFJ_3FFjzdBxOWAg1jMTE1oZUbYUNtIuHXGNoIjWQ6tEmDqTf7Mjw9P_Eew9D76qpUk_YEyw36ntGIeumqMmfXKdPb5v2FZGnoBMos78w/w320-h223/ZSJL+33.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br />We should have started with a focus on Victor as our window into this world. Instead of maudlin scenes of black S-shield flags draped over world monuments, we could see how a human on the street feels about Superman and his death. Instead of learning about the threat from Apokolips in multiple awkward infodumps, it could have been downloaded into Cyborg's brain. Instead of Victor being the second brooding superhero in the movie to decline an invitation to the Justice League before eventually accepting it, he could come into the partially-formed team with the missing pieces of their puzzle, and avoid a lot of ultimately unnecessary character introductions. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's not what we got. What we got was a flashback to "Batman v. Superman" where we learned that Superman's death caused the Mother Boxes in Themyscira and Atlantis to awaken. We're later told that this is because they were afraid of the Kryptonian, but no explanation is given for why they would have been dormant for the 4,965 years before Kal-El landed on Earth. It's a dumb decision, particularly because Silas Stone <i>activates a Mother Box to fix Victor</i>, which would make much more sense as an inciting incident, and would just require an adjustment to the timeline of the film's backstory. </div><div><br /></div><div>That flashback leads to Batman's failed trip to recruit Aquaman (this time, thankfully, without the riffing on how dumb superheroes are, but instead with an extended scene of villagers singing at Aquaman in a foreign language). We see Steppenwolf's attack on Themyscira, where the Amazons' sacrifice is more significant but just as futile. We see an extended ceremony of the lighting of the signal fires, and Diana finding the arrow and using it to enter an underground chamber where she learns the story of Darkseid's visit to Earth and war with the united heroes of the planet—a story that, at the very least, her mother already knew—and somewhere around an hour into the film, the main characters have figured out most of the stakes of the plot. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's hour two where we get a greater focus on Cyborg, including a very weird scene where his dad, via a tape recording, explains to him all the things he can do with his powers, and he uses them to hack into a bank's systems to give one poor lady some more money. It sets up a later scene where he enters the Mother Boxes, but it's weird that he needs to be told that he can do this when an earlier flashback established that he's a computer whiz who would hack into systems to help people <i>before</i> he got his powers. Despite his diminished character and the abusive environment on-set, the theatrical cut gave Cyborg more agency than he has here. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBcxZc-f4tL-0wm7yqTNey7UkWHBUu5zpTpVDw_Y2pqRw3hBwlo_40NZw1-MYW6cO2auRQ4ZZitCxbAqKMtCjFzTidn-tgUpyC1VNfsRWi8K9EFLQWMBSm0w9B0LCovvsB-3e2nA/s1025/ZSJL+34.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Cyborg learning to fly. The closed captioning text reads "whimpers."" border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1025" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBcxZc-f4tL-0wm7yqTNey7UkWHBUu5zpTpVDw_Y2pqRw3hBwlo_40NZw1-MYW6cO2auRQ4ZZitCxbAqKMtCjFzTidn-tgUpyC1VNfsRWi8K9EFLQWMBSm0w9B0LCovvsB-3e2nA/w320-h223/ZSJL+34.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>To me, the decision to follow Batman and Wonder Woman at the beginning speaks to a lack of confidence that there would be audience buy-in if they instead started with a character we hadn't seen before, and a young black man at that. I wonder what earlier versions of this script looked like, and what decisions might have been made based on the response to "The Force Awakens." Or maybe it's just the ongoing Warner/DC problem of thinking that Only Batman Works, So Everything Has To Be Batman. The result is that Cyborg's story is shoehorned in wherever it seems like it might fit, often in extremely clunky ways, leading to long stretches where we don't see other main characters or move the main plot forward. In fact, Cyborg is at least occasionally an <i>impediment</i> to plot movement, as when he rejects Diana's offer to join the team and <i>buries the Mother Box</i> in a shallow grave, even once he knows what the threat is. This means we have <i>two different gravedigging sequences</i> in this movie, along with <i>two different sequences</i> where humans bury the Mother Box that's in their custody. </div><div><br /></div><div>We also see Vic's transformation into Cyborg twice. There's a lot of fat to be trimmed from this film. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Superman Shouldn't Be In This Movie</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>And Superman is chief among the pieces of gristle making this movie tough to get through. I noticed this in the Whedon Cut too, but Superman <i>really</i> doesn't belong in this movie. Here is, as best as I can remember, a complete list of what Superman does in this film (excluding a couple of Knightmare sequences, where he still doesn't do much): get resurrected, fight with the League, fly off to the farm with Lois, mope around the farm with Lois and eventually Martha, visit the Kryptonian ship to listen to his ghost dads and pick out an outfit, visit Alfred, show up in the middle of the big fight to take out Steppenwolf, thank Bruce for getting the farm back, open up his shirt. All of which <i>starts</i> happening over two and a half hours into the runtime. </div><div><br /></div><div>Superman is not a character in this movie. He is a MacGuffin, exactly as much as the Mother Boxes. His brief dialogue with Lois, which you might remember from the original trailer, is good, but otherwise he might as well be completely silent. I think the sum total of his dialogue would fit into three tweets. He says <i>exactly six words</i> while in a Superman costume, and none of them are half as charming as asking "how can I help?" or racing with the Flash in the theatrical cut. Joss Whedon is bad at a lot of things, but his Superman sounds and acts like Superman. Snyder's Superman acts like the weapon that the heroes get in the eleventh hour that's capable of harming the villain. </div><div><br /></div><div>And that's the other problem: Superman defeats Steppenwolf <i>effortlessly</i>. Nothing the League does to Steppenwolf hurts him, and they're barely able to even slow him down when they combine their efforts. But Superman shows up and takes him down <i>single-handedly</i> in a movie where the explicit stated theme is the importance of working together as a team. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRflW6stcPgzxqEVR4faH_3t-WNvvyudAQPVI3Q6QL3gZBPAoWRO2X1m2JYU053h4hoUOD2hkgJFgboMqlIa4T14aNbfycXYzZ0_o4Vl1tJiFDsavLH2fKkiYlL4Ma5Eoe_Pn32A/s1022/ZSJL+16.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Superman stopping Steppenwolf's axe with his shoulder and saying "Not impressed."" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1022" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRflW6stcPgzxqEVR4faH_3t-WNvvyudAQPVI3Q6QL3gZBPAoWRO2X1m2JYU053h4hoUOD2hkgJFgboMqlIa4T14aNbfycXYzZ0_o4Vl1tJiFDsavLH2fKkiYlL4Ma5Eoe_Pn32A/w400-h280/ZSJL+16.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I managed to fit 33% of his lines in one screenshot.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div><b>Lois Who?</b></div><div><br /></div><div>If Superman gets shortchanged by this version of the movie, Lois gets stiffed. She shows up a couple of times early in the film to wordlessly stare at Clark's cape and look sad, as a reminder that she exists, but she has even less to do in this film than in the theatrical version. She hasn't gone back to work, and the scene between her and Martha (sort of) is moved to much later in the movie, to give her an impetus to move forward. She's at the memorial when Clark gets resurrected just by chance, instead of because Batman brought in "the big guns," and her closing narration is given to Silas Stone instead. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bZlsgaml2y_3H_SvzcUo2M3XMvjZq3B6G1COU2GIBmKjTcZwDH8ROzx0zByxJF_LqZS6xC0_dLBrHkOmvFnaKGvy-G48jkSMhCXnGryiUxljnkzNgSSSCr6CYpQ_VoPgi5zgHQ/s1025/ZSJL+32.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1025" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bZlsgaml2y_3H_SvzcUo2M3XMvjZq3B6G1COU2GIBmKjTcZwDH8ROzx0zByxJF_LqZS6xC0_dLBrHkOmvFnaKGvy-G48jkSMhCXnGryiUxljnkzNgSSSCr6CYpQ_VoPgi5zgHQ/s320/ZSJL+32.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>She doesn't even get to be a MacGuffin. Her only role in the plot is to calm down Superman during his post-resurrection rampage. </div><div><br /></div><div>But we do learn that she's pregnant! It's never actually <i>stated</i>, even between her and Clark during one of their two short scenes together, but we see a "<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Force_majeure">Force Majeure</a>" pregnancy test when she's going through Clark's things, and Bruce tells him "congratulations" in the end. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_VS10xtc9L5xdKyZwBuqIC8xP3dUts6b67EbqfcJroLeWkkj9StxNErgFMTi8I_0v5fyzm0N7Kt5S6N_zhHzJuIhqYoDyWhaQ-isle8ZKKWZmAlln6Dd23slb7jdazFisTYJuAQ/s1026/ZSJL+45.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="A picture of the box of a "Force Majeure" pregnancy test in Lois Lane's drawer." border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1026" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_VS10xtc9L5xdKyZwBuqIC8xP3dUts6b67EbqfcJroLeWkkj9StxNErgFMTi8I_0v5fyzm0N7Kt5S6N_zhHzJuIhqYoDyWhaQ-isle8ZKKWZmAlln6Dd23slb7jdazFisTYJuAQ/w320-h223/ZSJL+45.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Congratulations, it's a lawyer!</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>Oh, and she gets fridged in the Knightmare flash-forward. </div><div><br /></div><div>A better version of this film—hell, a version that was just more consistent with the indecisive, put-upon version of Superman in this franchise—would have at least given Lois the "they brought [you] back for a reason" line, would have made her push Clark toward action when he only wanted to be with her. It wouldn't be great for either character, but it would be better than what we got. </div><div><br /></div><div>But really, Lois Lane should have been involved in putting the team together. This was clear even watching the theatrical cut. <i>She</i> should've been the one researching metahumans and traveling the world to meet with Aquaman and the Flash and Cyborg to convince them to join Batman's team, because <i>that's what she did in "Man of Steel." </i>Batman talks a lot about how Superman inspired him, how he made a promise on Clark's grave, he even talks about how Barry came from the future to tell him that Lois Lane is the key, but he <i>never once interacts with her</i>. The way this film (and to a large degree, "Batman v. Superman") treats Lois like an afterthought is downright <i>disgraceful</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>And yet I suspect a lot of the people who have (rightly!) criticized Peter Tomasi's merry homemaker Lois will praise this movie, even though it goes further than Tomasi ever did, reducing Lois to a weepy comfort blanket with a uterus. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Save M'artha</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Martha Kent appears in three scenes in this film, and gets dialogue in one of them. She has a conversation with Lois—one of the three times this movie attempts to pass the Bechdel-Wallace Test—and ends up being the impetus for Lois to get her life back together and stop moping around. It's a good scene, better on balance than the similar one in the theatrical cut, if only because it doesn't have that dumb "thirsty" joke. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg36_kwHsPn2KSHN7GpsI6PS4JBLWEiUbjZLThfTipY8I5B-binlRu_xWJ0WerMxiPTyc_Q2_QmzsxZ5OEBPIE18RhLg7BiXsXh0AUckZd1NxggB9wCTaCROb-scANwnx5DvmRpA/s1027/ZSJL+38.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Martha Kent standing outside Lois's door with glowing red eyes." border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1027" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg36_kwHsPn2KSHN7GpsI6PS4JBLWEiUbjZLThfTipY8I5B-binlRu_xWJ0WerMxiPTyc_Q2_QmzsxZ5OEBPIE18RhLg7BiXsXh0AUckZd1NxggB9wCTaCROb-scANwnx5DvmRpA/w320-h223/ZSJL+38.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>And then Martha walks out of Lois's apartment and shape-shifts into the Martian Manhunter, one of his two appearances in the film, then shape-shifts into General Swanwick and walks away. Surprise! It was actually a man telling another character what they should do or how they should feel, something that happens an <i>awful lot</i> in this movie, because this film has enough daddy issues to fill a Tom King Omnibus. </div><br /><div><b>Daddy Issues</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Look, the backstory of this film being what it is, I don't want to dwell on this too much. But it was a pretty significant factor in the rest of the franchise too. So much of "Man of Steel" is about Clark being advised by his two dead dads, and he goes to revisit the ghost of Pa Kent in "Batman v. Superman." Batman's driven to do what he does because of his parents, and is consistently advised by his own surrogate father. Even Lex Luthor cites his abusive father as the reason for his villainy. Heck, Wonder Woman gets her powers from <i>her </i>father. Aquaman begins his arc with a conversation with his surrogate father Vulko and ends the movie going off to see his biological father. Barry Allen has a truly painful conversation with his father early in the film (which makes it into the theatrical cut intact; if anything there's <i>more</i> movement clichés in this one), more or less prays to him during a climactic moment when it looks like he's going to make a big <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>-style sacrifice, and then sees him at the end. And, of course, Superman learns that he's going to be a father. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then, there's Silas Stone, Victor's dad. He is, somewhat ironically, the most present of the father figures in the narrative (with the possible exception of Alfred) and the one with the most consequence on the story. Victor's relationship with him is strained from the beginning, both by Silas's absence in his life and by his decision to experiment on him. As a S.T.A.R. Labs technician, Silas is the foremost non-Amazon expert on the Mother Box, which is presumably why he's able to tell Victor (via an old-school tape recorder) what all his powers are and what he can do with them. It's that same tape recorder that allows him to give the posthumous closing narration monologue, which is about fatherhood.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are two moms (and one mom-to-be) in this movie: Martha Kent, whose one moment as an actual character isn't actually her, and Atlanna, who is mentioned in extremely negative terms by Aquaman. I'm not 100% sure, but I think Superman's dead dads, <i>who do not appear on screen</i>, get more lines of dialogue in this movie than Martha Kent, Lois Lane, or Superman. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have heard so much from Snyder fans over the last several years about how well his movies do by their female characters, but the women in this movie have two settings: passive and aggressive.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Brutal Justice</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Superman's line in the Whedon cut, "I believe in truth, but I'm also a big fan of justice," is awkward, but endearing. It's also more attention than this cut bothers to give to the concept of "justice," presumably the reason this League assembles, since it's in the name and all. What does "justice" look like to this Justice League? Well, Wonder Woman's introduction to the story comes as it did in the theatrical cut, where she prevents a bombing in London. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBuf_OT7-r2Us-ebYIQBio2k4ehfDwTGAirSqZYoqsa4hGr34VOvrDkgALrQ6nwQGe6SSbD2-WYfrfK-aBD_H2He7kxrVmy5JNSKNHVaFyVh3X-tW853ANMStUlkthH3CbSBY_rA/s1024/ZSJL+21.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A terrorist in a black suit and hat stands next to a spot in the wall with a circular crack and a thick smear of blood." border="0" data-original-height="710" data-original-width="1024" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBuf_OT7-r2Us-ebYIQBio2k4ehfDwTGAirSqZYoqsa4hGr34VOvrDkgALrQ6nwQGe6SSbD2-WYfrfK-aBD_H2He7kxrVmy5JNSKNHVaFyVh3X-tW853ANMStUlkthH3CbSBY_rA/w320-h222/ZSJL+21.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Except in this version, we're shown in loving detail how she throws one of the terrorists into a wall so hard that it cracks the stone and leaves a smear of blood, and then she uses her bracelet-boom power—the move that we are continually shown is a last resort to take down a rampaging god or a murderous Superman—to blow out an entire wall of windows and disintegrate the terrorist, leaving nothing but his hat to float gently to the ground. It's not that he was a particular threat; she actually <i>waited for him to finish reloading</i> before obliterating him, even though she'd shown she could easily move fast enough to disarm him or otherwise dispatch him nonlethally.</div><div><br /></div><div>This could have been a good story element: Diana has been out of the action too long, and approaches every fight like it's a warzone. Or like everyone in a world without Superman, she's fallen into despair and takes it out on human criminals. But that's not what happens here. Instead, her decision to vaporize a human being for a foiled terrorist plot is met with praise: a little girl asking if she can be just like Wonder Woman when she grows up. And lest you think there's some kind of arc, the triumphant moment of the final battle is when Aquaman stabs an already-defeated Steppenwolf and Diana cuts his head off <i>while he's being thrown through a Boom Tube back to Apokolips</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>For years, critics of General Zod's death have had that post-Crisis scene of Superman executing the pocket universe criminals thrown in their faces. And yeah, that scene is real bad, the result of similarly bad writing and ethics. This scene is <i>exactly the same</i>, except Wonder Woman is not going to have a mental breakdown as a result, and we didn't literally watch the light go out of Zod and Zaora and Quex-Ul's eyes as they died in a manner that'd get your CCA stamp revoked. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6d3yKbG4AT2lu3g_DSLMaKnMav3iAJfIXlDEuuqsdq_n8ZwLM8ppwIXJAYOOl_akCfmCi9O9JPrBjBlVSpD1xN-MGDYCYhJq5T_NZDsjcojx5MlCJYTo5EBKytiRnjkOvPmdXw/s1269/superkill.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Three panels from Superman #23 where he executes three powerless Kryptonian criminals." border="0" data-original-height="787" data-original-width="1269" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS6d3yKbG4AT2lu3g_DSLMaKnMav3iAJfIXlDEuuqsdq_n8ZwLM8ppwIXJAYOOl_akCfmCi9O9JPrBjBlVSpD1xN-MGDYCYhJq5T_NZDsjcojx5MlCJYTo5EBKytiRnjkOvPmdXw/w640-h398/superkill.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDb_uHuulGV3dYsba0EbP5-tsupghgOzoEFuUjiqR_zVJOCfjG8KygTRX-PizlH7oG4NifdkxW6lJqlbD3mv9eCpezuqVtcGHPMA-6MmjJCSvoo-xm8Un0AAcU5Xm3uiGc_iLPbw/s1023/ZSJL+18.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Darkseid's foot stepping on Steppenwolf's severed head, eyes still glowing." border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1023" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDb_uHuulGV3dYsba0EbP5-tsupghgOzoEFuUjiqR_zVJOCfjG8KygTRX-PizlH7oG4NifdkxW6lJqlbD3mv9eCpezuqVtcGHPMA-6MmjJCSvoo-xm8Un0AAcU5Xm3uiGc_iLPbw/w400-h280/ZSJL+18.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To be fair, Steppenwolf doesn't beg for his life by offering sexual favors, so it's kind of a wash.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>This is the kind of justice dealt by the Justice League. If you are a bad guy, whether a henchman in an attempted terrorist bombing or a New God who no longer poses a threat, your punishment is death. And who are the bad guys? Well, they're people who blow up buildings—except Wonder Woman, who only blew up part of a building, and Batman and Aquaman and Cyborg, who only blew up abandoned buildings. And they're people who kill people—except Wonder Woman who only kills criminals through excessive force, and Superman who only kills at least one soldier during his post-resurrection rampage. Of course, no one mentions any of that, and no one will face any consequences.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is the consequence of decades of talking about DC superheroes as icons, gods in tights, larger-than-life figures contrasted with the Average Joes with Powers over at Marvel. Because we expect gods to be callous and capricious, <a href="https://www.playshakespeare.com/king-lear/scenes/act-iv-scene-1#line036">to wipe out mortals without a thought</a>. Who can hold a god to account? They are, by their nature, superior beings above human laws and ethics, and we have no right to stand in judgment over them. A god's actions are just because they are the actions of a god. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Zack Snyder Doesn't Care About Normal People</b></div><div><br /></div><div>If there's one thing that "Batman v. Superman" made clear, it's that Zack Snyder heard the criticism about his bloodless demolition of Metropolis in "Man of Steel." The sequel begins by saying "actually, those buildings <i>were</i> full of people, many of them too dumb to evacuate without consulting their boss first" and ends with Batman casually saying that the part of the city they're demolishing now is abandoned so nobody's going to be hurt when we wantonly destroy <i>this</i> property. What didn't change was Snyder's apparent disinterest in average people as <i>people</i>. Civilians only exist in these movies when they are convenient to the plot (as with the family in Zod's sights at the end of "Man of Steel") or when they can tell us something about our heroes, the Special People. The civilians in "Batman v. Superman" exist to praise Superman like a god, or to try to pull him down to their level. He doesn't shed a tear or waste a moment of energy on the civilians who die in the bombing of Congress any more than he cared about the countless people who died before his cheerful bike trip to the <i>Daily Planet</i> building in "Man of Steel." </div><div><br /></div><div>The clunky Joss Whedon scenes with the Eastern European family are mostly forced comedy beats, but they come from a recognition that the actions of superheroes and supervillains have a human cost beyond the abstract "save/destroy the world." The theatrical scene where Superman and Flash rush off to save people is an acknowledgement that <i>protecting people</i> is the primary role of superheroes, even over beating the bad guy. And not just people who have a direct connection with the hero, either. </div><div><br /></div><div>Wonder Woman saves people in the attempted bombing, in between extrajudicial murders and unnecessarily exploding part of the building she was trying to prevent from exploding. Aquaman saves a fisherman and <i>actively resents it</i>, blaming the victim when he slams him onto a table in a bar and makes him pay for his drinks. Barry Allen saves Iris West (presumably, she doesn't actually have any lines, she's just a Hot Girl who smiles at Barry) from a car crash (which she gets into <i>because she's staring at him</i>), but not before—and god, I wish I were joking—stroking her hair in super-speed like an enormous creeper, and first saving <i>a hot dog from a demolished hot dog cart</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6NrUKYu3eMCZqXnwlnQ3-5wZYhTehynO9rNL3ZZ1v_pbQ8M12OkkzYjFssQjO7gKShAZouEsMElBy9eGwiZfSMRmQ1-f8MUdqTxP2hyphenhyphens70yJQw2hjjRmO1DJQB9jXDixgWibplQ/s1025/ZSJL+30a.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Barry Allen reaches for a hotdog that is floating next to Iris West's head in slow-motion." border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1025" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6NrUKYu3eMCZqXnwlnQ3-5wZYhTehynO9rNL3ZZ1v_pbQ8M12OkkzYjFssQjO7gKShAZouEsMElBy9eGwiZfSMRmQ1-f8MUdqTxP2hyphenhyphens70yJQw2hjjRmO1DJQB9jXDixgWibplQ/w320-h223/ZSJL+30a.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>We'll set aside the racial politics of a nonblack person touching a black woman's hair without her permission.</div><div><br /></div><div>To get to the Hot Girl, Barry breaks through a glass door at super speed, sending glass shards flying. There are people outside the door. They're beneath notice. He saves the Hot Girl, but never even checks on the driver of the truck that hit her. He's beneath notice. It's not that in his callousness, Barry allowed people to get hurt. It's that the movie is completely disinterested in the <i>possibility</i> that people might get hurt because of a hero's actions. The laws of physics and directorial attention conspire to assure us that those people don't matter enough to even consider their welfare.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif5LeBqcqdgVjDCNkUHPL1Yr1T5EOPsClH7cGP37jCARL3mhIZ5Adbl3PEPzjbiV51M8LSN2IvhKI8XKZiCC9g34OR3BBUVN6QqNVEiFUEPDD8oNhafNmI6Mw03exJEvuMKAvh8g/s1360/ZSJL+02a.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Shot from an "I Think You Should Leave" sketch, one character asking "what do you mean, the people were just kind of nothing?"" border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1360" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif5LeBqcqdgVjDCNkUHPL1Yr1T5EOPsClH7cGP37jCARL3mhIZ5Adbl3PEPzjbiV51M8LSN2IvhKI8XKZiCC9g34OR3BBUVN6QqNVEiFUEPDD8oNhafNmI6Mw03exJEvuMKAvh8g/w400-h226/ZSJL+02a.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA8QRe9TWg9Fuc2jHkNepmm9sKYgAqMNHx0UmcdnztbO6uMkk8ob6_SL3iTLYBdUNuQiZ4BMIGcYewZ8ZD340scx2rzuFvHWi6A_bhm6G9uwpVWxeqPkdHTyijF6w3Y_Wye0DCBg/s1360/ZSJL+02.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Subsequent shot from "I Think You Should Leave," the other character saying "They're just, like, not important, like, they don't matter."" border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1360" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA8QRe9TWg9Fuc2jHkNepmm9sKYgAqMNHx0UmcdnztbO6uMkk8ob6_SL3iTLYBdUNuQiZ4BMIGcYewZ8ZD340scx2rzuFvHWi6A_bhm6G9uwpVWxeqPkdHTyijF6w3Y_Wye0DCBg/w400-h226/ZSJL+02.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>We even lose the "save one person" moment, where Batman tries to help Barry get past his fears. Instead, when Cyborg is helping the S.T.A.R. Labs employees evacuate, Barry <i>runs around and tells them to hurry up.</i> He <i>actively avoids saving anyone</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>The only other heroic action in the movie that isn't done with disdain or in the midst of reckless endangerment that we're all supposed to overlook is when Cyborg grants a life-changing amount of money to a random poor woman with his amazing hacking abilities. Victor Stone is the only decent person—the only <i>hero—</i>on this entire team. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Character Arcs</b></div><div><br /></div><div>And just as normal people aren't allowed to matter, the characters who matter aren't allowed to be people. Cyborg is the only character with a fleshed-out arc; he goes from thinking he's a monster and hating his father to realizing his heroic potential in part through his father's guidance, and being driven to heroism by his father's sacrifice. His triumphant moment comes when the Unity—the three Mother Boxes in concert—offers him the chance to be made normal again and have his family back. His line in response is, truly, fantastic.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUbwtjXvrhaxRIwwDzxtr8iHcxtiOPx2D2PM-uC_x7mGKQxKFvRCvsGfEymg4oKElQqGbqje4bVMZelAYG9v6nERtQoB9FE34S6mfZLK4jScmtE-GMR5H2R2UgZdgqFmWW0lzjQQ/s1025/ZSJL+19.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Close-up shot of Cyborg saying "I'm not broken."" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1025" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUbwtjXvrhaxRIwwDzxtr8iHcxtiOPx2D2PM-uC_x7mGKQxKFvRCvsGfEymg4oKElQqGbqje4bVMZelAYG9v6nERtQoB9FE34S6mfZLK4jScmtE-GMR5H2R2UgZdgqFmWW0lzjQQ/w400-h280/ZSJL+19.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcodLvW5uSEmu6dTnRm1ajqXkT8N2uOvSy6-NYWbtwN-_0HQ6ILMh63MG3eJINWTfQ_BfVhleU2xatapBiS2dtThaJFW3TjFpE2etj0EroiqfadEbtX90inktGgVORfl6PKKRgOw/s1027/ZSJL+20.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Subsequent close-up shot of Cyborg saying "And I'm not alone."" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1027" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcodLvW5uSEmu6dTnRm1ajqXkT8N2uOvSy6-NYWbtwN-_0HQ6ILMh63MG3eJINWTfQ_BfVhleU2xatapBiS2dtThaJFW3TjFpE2etj0EroiqfadEbtX90inktGgVORfl6PKKRgOw/w400-h279/ZSJL+20.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br />It is, hands down, the best, most emotionally resonant moment in the entire film, probably the entire DCEU, and it's a testament to how much better this movie could have been if Cyborg had been our focal character the entire time. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Flash and Aquaman both have pieces of character arcs. Flash begins his story as an aimless youth bouncing between dead-end jobs as he tries to fix his father's wrongful imprisonment. It hadn't really occurred to me until watching this how terrible this retcon is; why would this push Barry to become a forensic scientist for the police rather than, say, a lawyer who works for the Innocence Project, or a university scientist who works as an expert witness for defense attorneys? But that's not on Zack Snyder, it's on Armripper McGee. </div><div><br /></div><div>Flash's triumphant moment is when he runs really fast and repeats one of Henry's movement-related metaphors, "make your own future," when he's running fast enough to reverse time and prevent the Unity from killing everyone. Barry ends the movie with a low-rung job in the Central City Crime Lab. How all these pieces work together is unclear. Barry also says "make your own past," but that's not something his dad told him, and it's not clear how these pieces are meant to fit together. The "save one person" scene in the theatrical cut is that missing glue—what's holding Barry back is that he's afraid to act. Once he's able to get past that fear, he can move forward with his life. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are pieces of an arc for Aquaman too, who starts as an angry loner, bitter about his Atlantean heritage, and ends as a somewhat less angry somewhat less loner, explicitly choosing his human heritage over his Atlantean one. It's understandable that they couldn't do much with this, since Aquaman's movie was already on the schedule, but it means only one of our three new characters gets actual development. </div><div><br /></div><div>And let's be clear, there wasn't a lot of development in "The Avengers" either. There didn't have to be. Those characters mostly had arcs in their solo films, so the arc in the team movie was "these characters have to learn to work together as a team. We're told in "Justice League" about the importance of working as a team, too, but...</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Themes Fall Apart</b></div><div><br /></div><div>My biggest frustration with "Man of Steel" was the way the film rejected its own clearly stated themes. "Batman v. Superman" does this as well, but the themes are not as clear and there are bigger frustrations. There's a clear theme in "Justice League," though: the only way to defeat Darkseid's army is for the heroes of Earth to unite together. Barry even chastizes the team at one point, reminding them (and the audience) that they need to work together. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbcjZXny_tH321l7qaLdgmw70YsTVRVnszPjGZFQN1J7AXpVKYnz0H2NV8-98IPWEC1aopaIhA06q7OuWK7wgD2rzov4lG-nbxtMdsEbmhxzDsdVk86TbqvnBdOr_Ffj5buYDX1A/s1026/ZSJL+37.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The Flash talking to Batman and Cyborg, saying "Guys, this is not together."" border="0" data-original-height="719" data-original-width="1026" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbcjZXny_tH321l7qaLdgmw70YsTVRVnszPjGZFQN1J7AXpVKYnz0H2NV8-98IPWEC1aopaIhA06q7OuWK7wgD2rzov4lG-nbxtMdsEbmhxzDsdVk86TbqvnBdOr_Ffj5buYDX1A/w320-h224/ZSJL+37.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>This theme is muddled somewhat, in that they're explicitly uniting to prevent the Unity, which is when the Mother Boxes also unite, because unity of Earth peoples = good, unity of Mother Boxes = bad and maybe now you're seeing some of the problems.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is, unfortunately, no point at which the Justice League comes together as a team to defeat the villain, no "Guardians of the Galaxy" holding hands and saving the world with love scene (Flash makes fun of the very idea), not even an Avengers-style "everyone stands in a small group fighting against a horde of villains with their powers" scene. Their plan to stop Steppenwolf <i>requires</i> Cyborg and Flash to sit out of the entire final battle, and even that could work if there were a "we all have to work together to keep Steppenwolf busy so Cyborg can stop the Unity" scene, but there's nothing even approaching that level of coordination. The heroes battle Steppenwolf and the Parademons individually, except when they occasionally bump into each other and pair up for a moment or two. </div><div><br /></div><div>The closest we get to a big teamwork scene doesn't involve Superman, just the rest of the team flying into battle alongside the Bat-tank in a shot that I assumed was from Whedon because of how similar it is to a shot early in "Avengers: Age of Ultron."</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXWTL5WTNLk-3N-DdasR3csKyV_X8-kAt9QrehQmejypoLkETV_F4j9DR4Tm73_cF2QaLU6sxGEZ1n2rF40gO9yHNN1ZZ5iO9mYuAwhttljXFfXGes6Xp6F8fZc3JbP_8Ypp2Hw/s1027/ZSJL+14.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of the Justice League charging into battle, where they freeze for a moment." border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1027" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXWTL5WTNLk-3N-DdasR3csKyV_X8-kAt9QrehQmejypoLkETV_F4j9DR4Tm73_cF2QaLU6sxGEZ1n2rF40gO9yHNN1ZZ5iO9mYuAwhttljXFfXGes6Xp6F8fZc3JbP_8Ypp2Hw/w320-h222/ZSJL+14.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjW296_MrFDqiH_KwF72sUcnJnIxFeFuCKGgWBKAVmg-u4mgzaBlWatGgEMbCzCvno8RpPco1FQR6ZzPxnnIsqHf22hwrovze7A8iZWj7KYWAwCIaTEJHf4WYqMPZ7uOVihc6VCg/s1360/ZSJL+44.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of the Avengers also charging into battle, where they freeze for a moment." border="0" data-original-height="566" data-original-width="1360" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjW296_MrFDqiH_KwF72sUcnJnIxFeFuCKGgWBKAVmg-u4mgzaBlWatGgEMbCzCvno8RpPco1FQR6ZzPxnnIsqHf22hwrovze7A8iZWj7KYWAwCIaTEJHf4WYqMPZ7uOVihc6VCg/w320-h133/ZSJL+44.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>So, you know, it's kind of a problem that the heroes of our age can't work together as well as the heroes in the Age of Heroes. The moment in the final battle that involves the most people working together (three) is when Steppenwolf is stabbed and decapitated. Justice!</div><div><br /></div><div>There are other, similar thematic issues: </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The Flash's triumphant moment involves him saying that he's making his own future, but the flash-forward at the end shows us that, for all the heroes have done, they haven't prevented the dark Knightmare future. Right before resurrecting Superman, one of the Kryptonian robots says "the future has taken root in the present," which is an extremely weird line, and one that seems to undermine Barry's later triumph. </li><li>Batman says a couple of times that he's "acting on faith," at least once particularly about his belief that Superman will join with them. It's played like this is an important development for his character. It would work better, given the arc of the series, if each of these lines replaced "faith" with "hope." You know, the thing Superman's emblem stands for. It would tie into how Superman inspired Batman, what it is that made Batman change his approach and methods. </li><li>Superman wears the black costume throughout his part in the movie, the same costume he wore in the dark vision that General Zod showed him in "Man of Steel," and only wears a colorful costume in the Knightmare sequence, which we know happens after Lois dies and he goes evil/succumbs to Anti-Life. </li></ul></div><div>These are problems with easy solutions; even something as simple as the music cue, or a flippant "create my own future" line from Knightmare Flash, would have helped. But at least this series is consistently inconsistent in its themes.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things Fall Aplot</b></div><div><br /></div><div>The plot, once you pare away all the things that should have been done in other movies, is fairly simple: Darkseid's legions once invaded Earth but were driven away and left behind the Mother Boxes. The Mother Boxes remained dormant and hidden for millennia until Superman's death awakened them and drew the attention of Steppenwolf, a disgraced relative of Darkseid. Steppenwolf is trying to reassemble the Mother Boxes, and Batman is trying to assemble a team to stop him. Steppenwolf eventually gets the upper hand, but through the actions of the Justice Leaguers, he's defeated, killed, and sent back to Apokolips. The destruction of the Mother Boxes (which aren't clearly destroyed, but Darkseid says they are, even though earlier we heard that they were "indestructible living machines") means that Darkseid's invasion of Earth will have to proceed via spacecraft rather than Boom Tube (why he used the armada 5,000 years ago when they still had the Mother Boxes is not explained). The heroes have triumphed...for now. </div><div><br /></div><div>And all this hinges on one absolutely fundamental flaw: it requires Darkseid to be a <i>complete dumbass</i>. Darkseid came to Earth himself—and I realize the ship has largely sailed on this, but I kind of hate Warrior Darkseid. It's such a misunderstanding of how the character works. Yeah, he can throw down, but he's usually plotting behind the scenes, not fighting on the front lines—and got his ass handed to him by the combined forces of gods, Atlanteans, Amazons, and a Green Lantern. They call it "the world that fought back," implying that Earth stands alone among the tens of thousands of worlds that Darkseid has conquered, the only one that was able to repel his armada. Eventually we learn that the reason Darkseid came himself was because the Anti-Life Equation was somewhere on Earth. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, you might wonder, why didn't Darkseid come back at some point in the last five thousand years? Well, you see, <i>he forgot</i>. This isn't just my speculation either. It's stated in the text, that even though this is "the only world Darkseid had ever lost" that it ends up "anonymous among a trillion worlds." Darkseid tucked his tail between his legs and ran away and just didn't remember which world it was that defeated him <i>and</i> held the Anti-Life Equation, his entire <i>raison d'être</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhurqFbx7moxOalRIpy4rPF3y3QWdpBouzKC_En_176cDffSQqqQ-qjm_rI_Dn-8gOGUlvle3kYSFBVQMXCZOfgisxtj39Tb8UmDHTBW_PMnvvz9ToxIR0wwvctk7YxkBVGfU6NQ/s1024/ZSJL+24a.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Darkseid taking an axe to the shoulder. The closed caption says "yells."" border="0" data-original-height="717" data-original-width="1024" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhurqFbx7moxOalRIpy4rPF3y3QWdpBouzKC_En_176cDffSQqqQ-qjm_rI_Dn-8gOGUlvle3kYSFBVQMXCZOfgisxtj39Tb8UmDHTBW_PMnvvz9ToxIR0wwvctk7YxkBVGfU6NQ/w320-h224/ZSJL+24a.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEsnx1_C2b8Wix0nrbOzQig2LmlC8bQNCJlRsGJ82O_2dWeeRA70r-R18JJCyGhnI24O7_0E48tLPS_BFp9jQfYg_Jm3w2bdIzZLk1GIild0YbHoPn2JY7QJTp9FPRkwds8J_RqQ/s1023/ZSJL+25a.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Darkseid lying in his ship, wounded and unconscious. The closed caption says "grunting."" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1023" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEsnx1_C2b8Wix0nrbOzQig2LmlC8bQNCJlRsGJ82O_2dWeeRA70r-R18JJCyGhnI24O7_0E48tLPS_BFp9jQfYg_Jm3w2bdIzZLk1GIild0YbHoPn2JY7QJTp9FPRkwds8J_RqQ/w320-h224/ZSJL+25a.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>That's a pretty ridiculous contrivance. And it's one that would have been <i>entirely</i> fixed by making Steppenwolf the one who'd led the armada on Earth. It would make sense of why Steppenwolf recognizes all the different Earth armies and Diana's old-god heritage. It would make sense of why Steppenwolf fell out of Darkseid's favor, instead of vague references to a betrayal. It would make sense of why Wonder Woman knows Steppenwolf's name. It would keep Darkseid distant and dangerous instead of a forgetful chump. That's apparently one of the things Whedon changed, and did so for the better. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>False Hope</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div>Let's talk Superman, shall we? The entire impetus for this movie is that Superman's example inspires Batman to do better, to be better. Superman is supposed to be an inspirational symbol of hope to the world, but what has changed by the end? The heroes are together, nominally, but no less brutal in their actions. They don't even actually need to work as a team, because Superman renders them all superfluous. And while the theatrical cut was extremely over-the-top with its attempts to establish that the world had fallen into despair because of Superman's death, at least it allows us to believe that his presence makes the world better. In Snyder's vision, we know from Cyborg and Batman's prophetic dreams that Superman's return <i>makes the world a worse place</i>. The S stands for a false hope, because as soon as he loses a loved one—something, as Diana points out, that is true for most of the Justice League—he's going to succumb to Anti-Life and destroy the world. Resurrecting Superman didn't restore hope to the world, it delayed the inevitable and sealed their doom. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS29OrjL0VMr2OVm8dwf8C4w3oEB2W9Cnfh0BPMcly8bAYrkTfoF0TiulUdn4gKVDZ6id2MgqYATM2WjkDGz6z0hTXcNRmB8MTc4z8u7OqsaPZ7gwQaNWaxwkCCs355541hWZdkw/s1006/ZSJL+08.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="711" data-original-width="1006" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS29OrjL0VMr2OVm8dwf8C4w3oEB2W9Cnfh0BPMcly8bAYrkTfoF0TiulUdn4gKVDZ6id2MgqYATM2WjkDGz6z0hTXcNRmB8MTc4z8u7OqsaPZ7gwQaNWaxwkCCs355541hWZdkw/s320/ZSJL+08.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><b>The End</b></div></div><div><br /></div><div>This movie ends more times than "Return of the King." The "Epilogue" section takes 20 minutes, during which we get a montage of Victor listening to his dad's cassette, Aquaman leaving Vulko and Mera to see his father, Ryan Choi taking over S.T.A.R. Labs, the tour of the mansion where they'll have the Hall of Justice, Barry's job placement, the restoration of the Kent farm, Cyborg visiting his parents' grave, Gordon lighting the bat-signal, Batman standing on his DKR tank with a bunch of apparently tied-up criminals below, Wonder Woman looking out over the ocean with the Arrow of Artemis, Flash doing a Naruto run, and Clark doing the shirt pull. Then there's the scene with Luthor and Deathstroke, where instead of the "a League of our own" line, he gives Slade Batman's secret ID. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmcmsWYaXuufp-vgCKUb8CwqgkY5FVvo3TMbMbcJ_vrjNmi3UvOMw3b4FbSMNlXFgQE7tP628aNVdPE5ew2iuT0tBnKS8sXCT7Cpb5qP9uxPMILXhNlTa_1ufyGN1t4ccMI22HA/s1017/ZSJL+04b.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Batman standing on top of his enormous Dark Knight Returns-style tank with a group of tied-up people sitting in the headlights below" border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1017" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmcmsWYaXuufp-vgCKUb8CwqgkY5FVvo3TMbMbcJ_vrjNmi3UvOMw3b4FbSMNlXFgQE7tP628aNVdPE5ew2iuT0tBnKS8sXCT7Cpb5qP9uxPMILXhNlTa_1ufyGN1t4ccMI22HA/w320-h224/ZSJL+04b.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkbOWhdDsXSZi0XyT4TPgMolljLQO2JNM1MpkZb53-bgdxxeX0X6Gc5bvXpVVhGUvZzH4ssvEwoH6bMk5tGgMZRVeVfM6LRIX1IwZ37luI0pKnJMylJYwOqQzBJP_kxqVTj9LCIg/s1015/ZSJL+05.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="The Flash running with his arms behind him and a smile on his face." border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1015" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkbOWhdDsXSZi0XyT4TPgMolljLQO2JNM1MpkZb53-bgdxxeX0X6Gc5bvXpVVhGUvZzH4ssvEwoH6bMk5tGgMZRVeVfM6LRIX1IwZ37luI0pKnJMylJYwOqQzBJP_kxqVTj9LCIg/w320-h225/ZSJL+05.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi77ZdoMWOkJptGXAkOYHZWPhI_U00Vy6nIVJvbswoA_fRebxI8Q3QU2gkPaT2sqveLnxuSxy8d0l5y8rArDiw8owBMLniA6Nch-t8IXVvoJ2LpU-E-q1O1qw3UL7dHcj1mf7kJCg/s1011/ZSJL+06.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Shot of Clark Kent opening up his shirt to reveal his black suit and silver S-shield underneath." border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1011" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi77ZdoMWOkJptGXAkOYHZWPhI_U00Vy6nIVJvbswoA_fRebxI8Q3QU2gkPaT2sqveLnxuSxy8d0l5y8rArDiw8owBMLniA6Nch-t8IXVvoJ2LpU-E-q1O1qw3UL7dHcj1mf7kJCg/w320-h226/ZSJL+06.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>And then we cut back to Knightmare. Desolate wasteland, Parademons and Apokoliptian ships everywhere, and Batman leading a ragtag group of Cyborg, Flash-in-weird-armor, Mera, Deathstroke, and, of course, the Joker. This sequence, where Jared Leto hams it up in extreme close-up (because he <a href="https://www.indiewire.com/2021/03/ben-affleck-jared-leto-justice-league-scene-filmed-separately-1234624531/">wasn't actually on the same set as the other actors</a>) and goes in and out of focus, lasts <i>ten thousand years</i>. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkJ-v-MeSfS6tkaL-I970VMpijsgtD398QckZZAar25YsQy4Q6TH_h778yIfyhEIYgQ0A9cZsAUzbQckec7-7u3FZYwt18zVBp2bUbODkLppYmytsoUfSqMtpJpPU_tJjXNb2I3A/s1011/ZSJL+07a.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img alt="Blurry shot of Joker holding a Joker playing card." border="0" data-original-height="707" data-original-width="1011" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkJ-v-MeSfS6tkaL-I970VMpijsgtD398QckZZAar25YsQy4Q6TH_h778yIfyhEIYgQ0A9cZsAUzbQckec7-7u3FZYwt18zVBp2bUbODkLppYmytsoUfSqMtpJpPU_tJjXNb2I3A/w320-h224/ZSJL+07a.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why so unfocused?</td></tr></tbody></table><div></div><div><br /></div><div>Here are some of the lines that these actors decided to brave a deadly pandemic to record: </div><div><blockquote>BATMAN: I've been dead inside a long time.</blockquote></div><div><blockquote>JOKER: You won't kill me. I'm your best friend! Besides, who's gonna give you a reacharound?</blockquote></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8gChLvXIU4b3oyc4X2J8c8Pq2K29W8owJr1gFP8WOOsOxQKyvZCCwBJzAiMYPklkA4d-6fhVpy0Ol6lrt_i1BQjLdC3KpO_urGmfmwJ8np8IJ7pkKVrko-DwJzWkAVfWkP7i-WQ/s782/File_001.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="648" data-original-width="782" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8gChLvXIU4b3oyc4X2J8c8Pq2K29W8owJr1gFP8WOOsOxQKyvZCCwBJzAiMYPklkA4d-6fhVpy0Ol6lrt_i1BQjLdC3KpO_urGmfmwJ8np8IJ7pkKVrko-DwJzWkAVfWkP7i-WQ/s320/File_001.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><blockquote>BATMAN: when I kill you, and make no mistake, I will @#%&ing kill you[...]</blockquote></div><div>And then Superman shows up, presumably to kill them all. The Justice League, everyone! </div><div><br /></div><div>Bruce wakes up (and Ben Affleck looks <i>really different</i> in this reshoot. He almost looks more like James Van Der Beek than himself) and J'onn is there to give some more exposition about Darkseid, the Anti-Life Equation, and say "some have called me 'The Martian Manhunter,'" which, let's be clear, is a very weird line to more-or-less close your film on. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrx6Dqx0gNcSTFxBEwbaRQOSUMmewO2kHJdm76gcsgnd9j1rqMmz4YHoXPVCo5hYFFvHfjRlkSCoy0Sa_X7xFaDmjEGUpy_8hvwrjAvuA1PFDPKMIiX1lVI6xgzjRw3I6bthAJAg/s1015/ZSJL+09.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img alt="J'onn J'onzz standing outside of Bruce Wayne's house with a lake behind him in early morning, head slightly cocked to one side and smiling." border="0" data-original-height="712" data-original-width="1015" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrx6Dqx0gNcSTFxBEwbaRQOSUMmewO2kHJdm76gcsgnd9j1rqMmz4YHoXPVCo5hYFFvHfjRlkSCoy0Sa_X7xFaDmjEGUpy_8hvwrjAvuA1PFDPKMIiX1lVI6xgzjRw3I6bthAJAg/w400-h280/ZSJL+09.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Have you heard the good news about H'ronmeer?</td></tr></tbody></table><div></div><div><br /></div><div>This is where we get some of the jarring tone shifts that were the hallmark of the theatrical cut. All of these hopeful and wistful images, these hints and teases for the future, an ominous moment with our villains to set up a sequel, and then a cut to a dessicated corpse in a car in the R-rated post-apocalyptic world that, whoops, our heroes set into motion even though they were already warned about it. But that's too bleak to end on, so we need another hopeful moment with a character who somehow knows everything that's been going on but decided the best thing he could do during the movie's events was to nudge Lois Lane out of her funk. But also he's got to deliver an ominous warning about the upcoming war, the one we just saw in gruesome detail, the one we just learned was at least partially Batman's fault, but also the good stuff wouldn't have happened if not for Batman. It's the cursed frogurt ending. </div><div><br /></div><div>We end on a shot of Martian Manhunter, a character who has appeared undisguised in like 30 seconds of this entire franchise, flying over Batman's house on the lake, which is so frustrating because the perfect shot of a hero flying to end the film happened like fifteen minutes earlier and actually tied into the closing narration.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcCeDy3wNgjwL1_YSDg2cdCYj9crMARLY1yD2KTLLfS5yI9bSM6PYv6PsGuBzpPzCKbvmV3X5H0TbnIpnl7Xnet9AL97fn3OspnAm_rsUQmyiDOGQXJcVsZ_qe1qu0eJqXKCaHjw/s1011/ZSJL+11.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="712" data-original-width="1011" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcCeDy3wNgjwL1_YSDg2cdCYj9crMARLY1yD2KTLLfS5yI9bSM6PYv6PsGuBzpPzCKbvmV3X5H0TbnIpnl7Xnet9AL97fn3OspnAm_rsUQmyiDOGQXJcVsZ_qe1qu0eJqXKCaHjw/w400-h281/ZSJL+11.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>The Small Stuff</b></div><div><br /></div><div>In no particular order, some of the other little things that bugged me:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>In case you were wondering how this movie is paced, Batman first appears in his Batman costume (excluding a flashback) almost two hours into the film. </li><li>There is a <i>ton</i> of fat to be trimmed in this film. Redundant scenes, like Hippolyta mourning over two different dying Amazons in the same battle or multiple sequences of Aquaman brooding near the ocean, an entire ceremony sequence with the Arrow of Artemis to light the signal fire, multiple views of Victor's transformation into Cyborg, multiple scenes between Lois and brooding Clark on the farm, all of which could easily have been trimmed. There's an entire heist-style scene of the team breaking into S.T.A.R. Labs to resurrect Superman that is kind of fun but not at all necessary to the plot; if Lex Luthor managed to get in, I think Bruce Wayne could. </li><li>There are two different scenes of Cyborg digging up different graves (out of three total digging scenes). There's also two scenes of major car accidents that happen within seven minutes of one another. </li><li>And in addition to that, there's a ton of padding. Snyder's characteristic use of slow-motion is cranked up to eleven here, from the very first flashback to "Batman v. Superman" to the scenes of Victor on the football field, this movie could have probably lost half an hour if everything just moved at normal speed unless there was an actual reason not to (e.g., super-speed segments). Every establishing shot of a location is twice as long as it needs to be, and there are extended versions of scenes that were wisely trimmed down for the theatrical version, like the sacrifice of the Amazons to seal Steppenwolf away. This time, we watch as a whole building sinks into the ocean, but it has the same effect: Steppenwolf is barely slowed down, and a bunch of Amazons are dead. It doesn't raise the stakes, it just takes time. </li><li>The <i>Daily Planet</i>'s extreme placeholder energy slogan:</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMHkyV4ly88C7Wxm1F6iE8CZULo8ghDUF8lRg9F9Qr0umpVxHCPCrdSiuqO8zMNSn91hNQnu0kozaphnTjeaz4Z4iIdDrJEen74nDU1biB1Pvquoy4gTb4B1ogIcgFZT-obFiz8g/s1024/ZSJL+40.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A newspaper truck with the Daily Planet logo and the slogan "Reporting on the Planet Daily."" border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="1024" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMHkyV4ly88C7Wxm1F6iE8CZULo8ghDUF8lRg9F9Qr0umpVxHCPCrdSiuqO8zMNSn91hNQnu0kozaphnTjeaz4Z4iIdDrJEen74nDU1biB1Pvquoy4gTb4B1ogIcgFZT-obFiz8g/w320-h223/ZSJL+40.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Also, the road sign in the Central City establishing shot, which would be fine if it didn't then lead into several solid minutes of Henry Allen saying "You're running in circles and you have to make your own path."</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJTVLdgZFY9_yegVn-r_VRjD6MEzu-8k7n8STERQg90nFUoNSKg8rChQWwS4IWolZ62oNqxpIJBHHL7SlSqS4WgGmBeDDFrAELOcE1nq4azkl_utchbQmEWT2WFKSi358nUFdViw/s1025/ZSJL+29.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Shot of the highway heading into Central City. A road sign says "REDUCED SPEED AHEAD."" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1025" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJTVLdgZFY9_yegVn-r_VRjD6MEzu-8k7n8STERQg90nFUoNSKg8rChQWwS4IWolZ62oNqxpIJBHHL7SlSqS4WgGmBeDDFrAELOcE1nq4azkl_utchbQmEWT2WFKSi358nUFdViw/w320-h224/ZSJL+29.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Whatever they've done to Ciarán Hinds' voice in this makes it sound like his mouth is full half the time.</li><li>If you wanted to avoid comparisons to various Avengers movies, it would have been good to make Steppenwolf and Desaad look less like Thanos's Black Order.</li><li>The product placement is so obvious. Bruce Wayne uses a Gillette Fusion Proglide razor, Silas Stone records his thoughts on a Sony tape recorder, Vic Stone wears an Under Armor letterman jacket, every car in Batman's fleet is a Mercedes, and the camera makes sure to linger on every logo and feature so we're sure.</li><li>Cyborg still attacks the resurrected Superman. We can presume the reason for this is because his Mother Box-derived cybernetics are still afraid of Superman, but the setup was better in the theatrical cut where he explained that he's not always in control of what the machine does.</li><li>Much like "Batman v. Superman," there's so much work setting up sequels like the Aquaman movie. This movie is stuffed enough as it is without having to lay the groundwork for the next films in the sequence. </li><li>Tom Holkenberg's score is generally quite good and fits the tone better than Elfman's score did, but there are a few scenes where it just goes wrong. There's somber music over the scene where Barry saves Iris, which seems like it's played more for comedy than pathos, and there's a scene where over-the-top badass action music is used to underscore the Justice League climbing a flight of stairs. </li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7RML4zDr-WQ739bGEhxo3oU7fX5wQPetm5Qp3X9_vwBzoSFKwEmKCjeiqrYjqGT_riY_-cvoSIJDMvningCw3S1AOR0py2chr-S2ZLVubpLEi9wJLUQKpe2ut_BNGODIuLmgAgA/s1024/ZSJL+36.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Batman, Wonder Woman, and Cyborg climbing a flight of stairs in a building. The closed caption says "[dramatic rock music resumes]."" border="0" data-original-height="717" data-original-width="1024" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7RML4zDr-WQ739bGEhxo3oU7fX5wQPetm5Qp3X9_vwBzoSFKwEmKCjeiqrYjqGT_riY_-cvoSIJDMvningCw3S1AOR0py2chr-S2ZLVubpLEi9wJLUQKpe2ut_BNGODIuLmgAgA/w320-h224/ZSJL+36.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>But we do lose the charm of Elfman bringing in the old-school Batman and Wonder Woman themes for appropriate moments, and as a result, Wonder Woman is the only character with a clear, recognizable motif in the soundtrack. That's as much on Hans Zimmer as Holkenberg, but there's also no clear attempt to do something like the instantly-recognizable "Avengers" theme—or if they did try to do it, there's no real place in the movie where it would fit. </li><li>4:3 is a terrible aspect ratio, particularly for a movie that occasionally wants to have a big triumphant group shot and can barely fit all the characters on the screen. I know some of it is because it's been so long since I watched something in 4:3, but I got strong watching-"Ghostbusters"-on-basic-cable vibes from the few attempted group shots in this. </li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioq9IDuMpDDJ9Gb7YvHhpoWeDxzSMMjBZAE0Bee1P5VwuglQbKQgThUw9PCQiQuIllf5n7zMTSjILPKaR3oiWvsVHuSj7OMLlw0nwzlN2dX5B8Eej0wgbgZxrOt32vflUsHEpF4A/s1009/ZSJL+12.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img alt="The Justice League standing side by side, shot in a 3/4 view in order to fit them all in the frame." border="0" data-original-height="706" data-original-width="1009" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioq9IDuMpDDJ9Gb7YvHhpoWeDxzSMMjBZAE0Bee1P5VwuglQbKQgThUw9PCQiQuIllf5n7zMTSjILPKaR3oiWvsVHuSj7OMLlw0nwzlN2dX5B8Eej0wgbgZxrOt32vflUsHEpF4A/w400-h280/ZSJL+12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, turn a little bit more, you're still not quite in the frame.</td></tr></tbody></table><div></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>There was, to my surprise, a fair amount of humor in this. Some of it landed, but a lot of it came off awkward or forced for one reason or another. There's a bit where Diana is trying to make tea and Alfred keeps correcting her that I think is supposed to be charming but just comes off as mansplaining. </li><li>This was true in the theatrical cut as well, but I don't think you actually need to buy a bank to recover a foreclosed farm. The bank doesn't actually want the farm. They want money. You just have to buy the farm back. It was a dumb question, Clark. </li><li>Batman has a cool experimental aircraft, but no one's been able to get it to fly, which I think is trying to be a Howard Hughes reference? When Cyborg talks to it, he says it's a "software issue," which...doesn't make sense? </li><li>They reshot the Superman gravedigging scene for the theatrical release, and that version worked so much better than it does here. This version reads like a first draft of that scene. </li><li>The first thing Superman does once he has a costume is fly into space in a crucifixion pose, just in case you forgot the symbolism. I'm frankly surprised they didn't keep his wounds intact, so he could show the doubters after his resurrection.</li><li>I shouldn't be surprised that the color grading is designed to suck every bit of color out of everything, but it's still really jarring to see things like Mera's costume—which is <i>so</i> vibrant in "Aquaman"—look almost olive-drab because it's so washed out. There's that bit in the scene where the League is fighting Superman where only his eye moves to look at Flash, and the blue of Cavill's eye really pops in the theatrical cut, drawing your attention to that motion, but here it's so washed out that it basically looks gray. I know it's Snyder's whole aesthetic, but it renders everything so boring because it's all shades of beige. Maybe it looks better in black and white. </li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXHawQso2pebXlbiMXQAXvfFidA2swyOROnzRtzdI4giXcGiy58yHSTu5Crm1dw4rPTobouikug4X0EynDJJ2T1PsmFCmpgkTSvThZ-px42vTDBwBpbwBXlodIwfAVXjgRuAbpkg/s1022/ZSJL+43.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Snyder Cut shot of Superman from the side, grappling with Aquaman, his eye turned to look at the Flash." border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1022" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXHawQso2pebXlbiMXQAXvfFidA2swyOROnzRtzdI4giXcGiy58yHSTu5Crm1dw4rPTobouikug4X0EynDJJ2T1PsmFCmpgkTSvThZ-px42vTDBwBpbwBXlodIwfAVXjgRuAbpkg/w320-h224/ZSJL+43.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNe0DcSomXV_2eAdomvv2tpL6SAxyzhcjfmpduNa0_Y7bLDQ8OD4sLOQnz5UgFThviWPIqncmb6V1jzSb08xjvizFz2eW5aSfs36JTAq1CP-U4FC38rOAVzyjD6_ba_zPqT6qWow/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-25-19h23m00s657.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Whedon Cut shot of Superman from the side, grappling with Aquaman, his eye turned to look at the Flash." border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNe0DcSomXV_2eAdomvv2tpL6SAxyzhcjfmpduNa0_Y7bLDQ8OD4sLOQnz5UgFThviWPIqncmb6V1jzSb08xjvizFz2eW5aSfs36JTAq1CP-U4FC38rOAVzyjD6_ba_zPqT6qWow/w400-h225/vlcsnap-2021-03-25-19h23m00s657.png" width="400" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It's extremely minor, but there's a scene where Aquaman responds to someone saying technobabble with "English," and I kind of thought that cliché was retired next to "as you know, Bob." </li><li>When the Flash does his time-travel bit at the climactic moment, reversing the destructive effects of the Unity, we get to see lovingly-CGI'd gore un-explode back into Cyborg and Superman, which could be awesome in a Sam Raimi sort of way if it just went further, but is too understated to be hilarious and too gross to be good.</li><li>We lose Cyborg's instant message back and forth with Diana; instead, he invites her to meet him, then completely blows her off for no clear reason. He also drops an f-bomb. Just a reminder, this is how the vast majority of people know Cyborg:</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVMSN30gW-MsrPHKAfzCgNb-0S2G4_rtuTE9-U30IOMTg-VgnnqI3vrXIw5Rbb9mv8-51kV6zVJcCC51MArdrJA6DUws7if6rWbTu0N0qxBh8uPfKTPRFjtFXdBu1a26Pu19tEg/s498/booyah.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="An animated GIF of a scene from the Teen Titans cartoon where Cyborg is standing next to Robin and Starfire, saying "Alright, I'm only gonna say this once. Booyah!"" border="0" data-original-height="372" data-original-width="498" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVMSN30gW-MsrPHKAfzCgNb-0S2G4_rtuTE9-U30IOMTg-VgnnqI3vrXIw5Rbb9mv8-51kV6zVJcCC51MArdrJA6DUws7if6rWbTu0N0qxBh8uPfKTPRFjtFXdBu1a26Pu19tEg/w320-h239/booyah.gif" width="320" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Here are some things I was shocked to see in this cut of the film, since I was sure they were added later.</li><ul><li>Wonder Woman's clunky Claremontesque explanation about what her lasso does</li><li>The scene where Bruce meets Barry</li><li>The scene where Henry Allen talks to Barry exclusively in motion metaphors</li><li>The other scene where Henry Allen talks to Barry exclusively in motion metaphors</li><li>The scene where Barry gets left on the rooftop</li><li>Honestly nearly every scene where Barry is the comic relief. In fact, this cut has a lot more of his awkward humor (though, thankfully, not that gross bit where he's laying on top of Wonder Woman)</li><li>Aquaman saying "my man" to Cyborg in exactly the same tone as Bradley Whitford in "Get Out"</li></ul></ul></div><div><b>The Good</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>Believe it or not, there were things I liked about the film. Here's what I can think of:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Early in the film, there's a prominent suicide prevention billboard, which is nice. </li><li>The score is generally very good, and there are bits—like the music following the British terrorists into the building—where it's got this kind of jagged electronic sound that one of my friends accurately compared to Trent Reznor's work on David Fincher movies. </li><li>Once you get past the fact that the Super Friends are doing this kind of ultraviolence, the fight scenes are <i>incredible.</i> Absolutely the highlight of the film. They're kinetic and clever, showcasing characters' superpowers in very interesting ways. One enduring truth of this trilogy is that Zack Snyder knows how to make superpowered combat look really interesting, and this movie ups the stakes with shots that come straight out of anime. The way the Flash moves and poses during his fights, the bit where Aquaman surfs on a Parademon's body, slamming it through an entire building only to ride it out the bottom, they don't always make a kind of literal sense, but you don't care because they look amazing.</li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-mnBswwuJfUXJIPNN7ZVDi6gzuhrChKGDyLt9Ko7Ulfg4ieHAYIzgWG6owEXKZlfnMQkGauqZGtfT7tVrivIhH9YFokRaXXR7153lMh5eIYNfCDvp56ZVM9S9z4UXqJVXuSgOg/s1025/ZSJL+15.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Aquaman standing on a Parademon's chest as he rides it downward through the sky." border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1025" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe-mnBswwuJfUXJIPNN7ZVDi6gzuhrChKGDyLt9Ko7Ulfg4ieHAYIzgWG6owEXKZlfnMQkGauqZGtfT7tVrivIhH9YFokRaXXR7153lMh5eIYNfCDvp56ZVM9S9z4UXqJVXuSgOg/w320-h223/ZSJL+15.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Play some friggin' Iron Maiden during this scene.</td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Mera is a total badass for the brief bit where we see her in action. She starts pulling the water and blood out of Steppenwolf's body, and it's the only time he seems to be actually hurt until Superman shows up. Batman should've recruited her instead of Aquaman. </li><li>There are some character beats that really hit. The Amazons chanting "We have no fear!" was great (and should have stayed in the theatrical cut, given how much focus there was on the Parademons smelling fear). </li><li>The scene where Diana learns the story of Darkseid from an underground fresco feels extremely unnecessary, but the design of that chamber is really cool.</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIPK-7UCWpcDVl9hw7DKNuisjSPhhbdJ-DXXWTjVkeN4ZhHzemUw5ZKGes-khyrVW6ek4c0btYhRIy1KwS4XlM6B5NTLkaZ3JUoE33gGaaryLO7d7RYm4FvgGPBZIolZ3ojaQtgw/s1026/ZSJL+01.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Shot of a painting on a wall of Darkseid and the Unity in an ancient Greek style" border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1026" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIPK-7UCWpcDVl9hw7DKNuisjSPhhbdJ-DXXWTjVkeN4ZhHzemUw5ZKGes-khyrVW6ek4c0btYhRIy1KwS4XlM6B5NTLkaZ3JUoE33gGaaryLO7d7RYm4FvgGPBZIolZ3ojaQtgw/w400-h279/ZSJL+01.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Aquaman wears this cable-knit sweater at the beginning that subtly looks like his classic scaly orange top, and I liked that. More superhero actors should wear cable-knit sweaters. </li><li>Jeremy Irons is a great Alfred, really nailing the character's dry wit, weariness, and genuine concern for Bruce. </li><li>When Bruce introduces the team to Alfred, he says "This is Alfred. I work for him," which is a solid line. </li><li>There are a lot of nice references and cameos. I mentioned Ryan Choi, but we also see Crispus Allen, we see dead Kilowog in Cyborg's Knightmare flash, and the truck that hits Iris West is for a company named "Gard'ner Fox."</li><li>Steppenwolf carries around these little purple spider things that he uses to read people's minds, and they're very clearly meant to evoke Starro's little starfish, which is a nice touch. </li><li>Darkseid looks and sounds basically perfect (not a fan of the weird omega molding on his chest, but whatever), and we get to see him use the Omega Effect in Cyborg's Knightmare sequence, which could not be better.</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq_g48v74TaMLMFL2DLwvjHjvSGPyn4KgQ2AMFn06Yjlxfa1HmPaWiBxrcvrqYpdf4aZVrVO-bvV4TpR1fKSCCQtvYjXURmGhNDpp-0_LmaJjR6xCtxnT2tTM6a5gt3dZkcLvcZg/s1022/ZSJL+46.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A shot of Darkseid, underwater, strangling one Atlantean while the twin red zigzagging beams of his Omega Effect seek out another." border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1022" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq_g48v74TaMLMFL2DLwvjHjvSGPyn4KgQ2AMFn06Yjlxfa1HmPaWiBxrcvrqYpdf4aZVrVO-bvV4TpR1fKSCCQtvYjXURmGhNDpp-0_LmaJjR6xCtxnT2tTM6a5gt3dZkcLvcZg/w320-h224/ZSJL+46.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>As much as I think his face looks dumb and you should just use Kirby's actual designs for Kirby characters because you are not going to design characters better than Jack Kirby, Steppenwolf looks far more menacing here than in the theatrical cut. In particular, he doesn't look like he's made of gum.</li><li>Alfred shows an energy-absorbing gauntlet he and Bruce have built for Batman, and Wonder Woman makes a pretty solid remark about how they should design a lasso next. </li><li>There's some on-the-nose symbolism that still kind of works. We see Superman's body enter the Kryptonian amniotic fluid immediately after seeing Lois's pregnancy test. When Clark is hanging out on the farm, a butterfly pointedly lands on his finger. This kind of stuff works a lot better than the hamfisted Christ allegories. </li><li>One bit of dialogue between Flash and Cyborg that really works during the gravedigging scene is where Flash asks if Wonder Woman would go for a younger man, and Cyborg observes that since she's 5,000 years old, all men are younger men. That two dudes are discussing the only female member of the team like that? Does not work as well. </li><li>There are absolutely a lot of changes that did not work as well in the theatrical edition. Most obviously, nobody here sounds like a reskinned version of an Avengers character. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of characterization to take the place of that, but at least nobody feels like they wandered in from a different movie (except Jared Leto, who...did). </li></ul><div><b>In Conclusion</b></div></div><div><br /></div><div>I did not like Zack Snyder's "Justice League," and I was never going to. It was doomed from the start to be a spectacular failure if only because it couldn't support the weight of everything it had to accomplish. Putting all that in the hands of someone who fundamentally does not care to understand what makes these characters work was never going to make that situation better. What results is an overlong, ponderous movie full of stylish effects rendered in shades of brown, populated by thinly-drawn characters in service of video game fetch quest. It's the "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" of superhero movies, often pretty and interesting as an artifact, but not pretty or interesting or entertaining or thoughtful enough to justify its existence. </div><div><br /></div><div>Bottom line, if you want to spend several hours watching DC Comics characters on a quest to prevent evil gods from finding a set of three MacGuffins so they can make their own future and resurrect a teammate, "Legends of Tomorrow" Season 5 has all that plus Brandon Routh in a cardigan.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82-dfpYgPwH6DBczs0jpMWwcqMP7VjtOmGObQOqvMX7lpNwE7YtQwBAXyOeRADISHqwZEj1fUvYHP6oDjmPVIxjkvp1yr2ac9fFvQuFDlghcz9Z_KsxpOUKlFAfd4d3yOhtaJYg/s1300/Legends-of-tomorrow-Lede-1-1300x975.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Promo poster for DC's Legends of Tomorrow Season 5" border="0" data-original-height="975" data-original-width="1300" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82-dfpYgPwH6DBczs0jpMWwcqMP7VjtOmGObQOqvMX7lpNwE7YtQwBAXyOeRADISHqwZEj1fUvYHP6oDjmPVIxjkvp1yr2ac9fFvQuFDlghcz9Z_KsxpOUKlFAfd4d3yOhtaJYg/w640-h480/Legends-of-tomorrow-Lede-1-1300x975.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-17703469855568338222021-03-20T13:31:00.001-05:002021-03-21T12:07:13.863-05:00B4JLI'm writing this paragraph at T minus two and a half hours until I watch Zack Snyder's Zack Snyder's "Justice League: The Snyder Cut." I don't really know what to expect, but I do know what I'll be looking for, so I figured I'd mention that at the top.<div><br /></div><div>First, I'm looking for differences between this version and Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League." I imagine it'll be easier to look for similarities, to be honest, but I'm interested to know what made the final theatrical cut, and what didn't. I'm also interested to know who did the score. Was it still Danny Elfman? Did they have a partial score in place before Whedon came on-board? Did some of the tens of millions of dollars Warner Brothers pumped into this project go to hiring a totally new composer? Will there still be a Leonard Cohen cover song? I guess I'll find out. </div><div><br /></div><div>Second, I'm looking for any sign of levity at all. There was some in "Man of Steel," but "Batman v. Superman" was notably devoid of humor, and the humor in Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League: Age of Steppenwolf" was often forced and rarely worked. I don't expect much from a movie that is apparently <a href="https://intergalactic-zoo.tumblr.com/post/646033865640640512/warning-before-you-watch-zack-snyders-justice">best viewed like an episode of "The Honeymooners,"</a> but it would be nice if a movie about colorful children's characters who first assembled to fight a giant telepathic starfish alongside a teenager with a snapping fetish had a tone slightly lighter than "Hereditary." </div><div><br /></div><div>Third, I'm looking for the hallmarks I've come to see in Snyder's previous superhero movies: emotional moments that aren't earned, clearly-stated themes that are rejected by the characters' actions, a wild inconsistency between the way the characters behave and the way the audience is meant to perceive them, and a tendency to make every moment seem like it's pregnant with symbolic meaning when there's nothing of substance behind it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, I'm going to apply what I'm calling the Middle Batman Movie Test. "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever" are not good movies. They have a combined runtime of 247 minutes, five minutes longer than Zack Snyder's Zack Snyder's "Justice League: The Snyder Cut." "Batman Returns" is a slapped-together mess of color-sapped movies with characters who change personalities and motivations on a whim and a plot that doesn't hang together even on cursory examination. "Batman Forever" is a colorful mess that is tonally torn between wanting to be a dark and brooding meditation on psychology and wanting to be a neon-lit cartoon where people scream about "bOoIiLiInG aAaCiD!" About half the actors think they're in one of those movies, half think they're in the other, no one's clear about how old 25-year-old Chris O'Donnell is supposed to be, and Jim Carrey is godawful. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Middle Batman Movie Test will be applied at the end of Zack Snyder's Zack Snyder's "Justice League: The Snyder Cut," where I will ask myself: would I have been better off watching "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever"? They're two movies that I don't really like and are kind of objectively giant messes, in ways that specifically irk me about the characters involved, so it should be a pretty easy bar to clear. I would rather watch nearly any MCU movie over "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever," even possibly Joss Whedon's Joss Whedon's "Avengers: Age of Ultron: Justice League Episode Zero." I would watch "Green Lantern" again over a marathon of two bad Batman movies. I'd probably rewatch Ang Lee's "Hulk" and "WW84" over two Batman movies back-to-back—movies that, individually, I would happily watch on their own. I might even watch "Man of Steel" over a "Batman Returns" and "Batman Forever" double-feature; if nothing else, it would let me put together notes on how the flashbacks could be rearranged to make a better movie. I've got video editing software now, I could maybe do it. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So, in theory, it should be a low bar to clear. But, also, given the choice between the Middle Batman Movies and the previous installment in Zack Snyder's DC Comics oeuvre, I'd play those stinkin' Middle Batman Movies like a harp from Hell.</div><div><br /></div><div>One last thing before the line break: the last times I've gone into Snyder's DC movies, I've done so with an honest attempt to find things to enjoy, to be positive, to figure out what it is that inspires some people to love these films and this version of Superman with such fanatical fervor (something I think <a href="https://davidmann95.tumblr.com/post/155057578741/i-think-i-figured-out-the-dceu-superman">David Mann has articulated</a> better than I ever could). I'm clearly not doing that this time. I plan to give this movie the fairest shake I can, but I don't expect to like it. A lot of that is because I understand now that what I want out of superhero movies—and particularly superhero movies with these characters—is not what Snyder is offering and not what his fans want, and this movie exists for and because of those fans. </div><div><br /></div><div>And some of those fans are why I'm not likely to enjoy this movie. "Batman v. Superman" came out five extremely long years ago; "Man of Steel" longer still, and I've certainly said my share about both of them. But there are people—including people I like and follow on social media—who are relentless to the point of belligerence about those movies. If you don't like them, it's because you're an unsophisticated rube, a child who cannot handle anything but cartoons, a conservative who wants Superman to be a boring father stand-in, a disingenuous sheep who has to make up things to criticize, a supporter of the abuses done by big corporations and toxic directors, misogynists, and so forth. I have seen Snyder fans accuse critics of supporting the military industrial complex as though "Man of Steel" doesn't have a soldier saving the city and "Batman v. Superman" doesn't start with Superman unilaterally executing a Middle Eastern warlord. I have seen Snyder fans accuse critics of preferring the bloodless, consequence-free violence of Marvel movies as though "Man of Steel" doesn't end with Clark Kent biking to work in a city we just saw largely demolished. I have seen Snyder fans bend over backwards to ignore the director's <a href="https://ew.com/article/2008/07/17/watchmen-chat-director-zack-snyder/">flippant remarks about prison rape</a> and disliking comics where people aren't having sex or killing each other, to argue that he's totally unproblematic and the frequent use of rape in his movies is fine, actually, even empowering. I have seen Snyder fans bend over backwards to excuse his love of <i>The Fountainhead</i> and the fact that he named his production studio after <i>Atlas Shrugged</i> to argue that there's nothing Objectivist at all in how he characterizes Rorschach as the clear hero of "Watchmen" and has a Superman who repeatedly questions whether altruism is a good thing. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Snyder himself seems like a complicated guy. It's hard to read interviews like <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/14/movies/zack-snyders-rough-and-tumble-ride-with-justice-league.html">this recent one with <i>The New York Times</i></a>, and not find the guy affable and charming. It's also hard to read his comments about wanting a "Watchmen"-style Batman who drinks and pops pills and is "sleeping with some anonymous girl" and think that he wants anything like what I want out of superhero stories. </div><div><br /></div><div>But his fans? I do not care for the behavior of his fans. And his fans have made it hard for me to think I might enjoy his movies any more than I already do. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-61140812989932064132021-03-20T10:24:00.001-05:002021-03-20T10:24:03.597-05:00Déjà BlogI deliberately avoided reading my <a href="http://www.the-fos.net/2017/11/justice-is-done.html">original review</a> of Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League" before I <a href="http://www.the-fos.net/2021/03/prelude-to-bad-decision.html">rewatched</a> the movie over the last couple of evenings, because I wanted to go in as fresh as you can with a movie you've seen before. <div><br /></div><div>Having re-read the post...well, it's good to know that despite all the things that have changed in the last four years, my writing style hasn't. I noticed a lot of the same details, made a lot of the same references and jokes, and generally the biggest difference was that I was a lot less forgiving of the movie's flaws and faults the second time around. </div><div><br /></div><div>I suppose it's comforting, in a way, but I apologize if anyone read both posts and thought "why the hell are there two of these here?"</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-73876663809889732392021-03-19T21:30:00.004-05:002021-03-23T21:36:41.856-05:00Prelude to a Bad DecisionI decided, apropos of nothing, to put on Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League" while doing some work today. I discussed the movie <a href="http://www.the-fos.net/2017/11/justice-is-done.html">when it came out</a> eleventy billion years ago, and thought it was fine. It's not good, but grading on the curve of every DCEU movie up to that point, it was a solid B-. Sitting in 2021, I remember bits and pieces of it—Steppenwolf looking like he stepped out of an XBox 360 cutscene, the decent cell phone video of Superman that was marred by the terrible attempt to CGI out Cavill's moustache, all the characters sounding like their rough counterparts in "The Avengers"—but not a lot of details.<div><br /><div>Obviously the intervening years have altered my perspective on the film, both through the revelations about the <a href="https://news.avclub.com/ray-fisher-gets-specific-with-allegations-of-racism-dur-1845524595">behind-the-scenes racism and abuse</a> and through the <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/11/19/20970509/justice-league-release-snyder-cut">fanatical</a> and also <a href="https://ew.com/movies/2018/09/24/dc-boss-twitter-joker-zack-snyder-fans/">frequently abusive</a> behavior of the fans clamoring for this version of the film, which absolutely definitely existed and was finished years ago and also needed an additional $70 million dollars and reshoots to complete. </div><div><br /></div><div>That perspective has not been altered for the better. </div><div><br /></div><div>Against my better judgment, I'm going to watch the Snyder Cut sometime, probably this weekend, so I figured it'd be good to see how it deviates from the theatrical release, like I did for the <a href="https://www.the-fos.net/2013/06/supermovies-2-superman-ii-theatrical.html">Lester</a> and <a href="https://www.the-fos.net/2013/06/supermovie-3-superman-ii-richard-donner.html">Donner</a> cuts of "Superman II" so very long ago. I don't expect to enjoy either one; my feelings on the superhero movies of Zack Snyder are well-documented, and even under the best circumstances, four hours is too @#%*$! long for a superhero movie. But four hours of <a href="https://youtu.be/DOd6ZYZE5uA">nihilistic</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdxk7dB9yeU">spite</a> dressed up in cinematic deepities and CGI with a sepia-toned overlay is unlikely to be the best of circumstances. </div><div><br /></div><div>Will it be better than two hours of the extremely generic re-skinned "Avengers: Age of Ultron" that got released to theaters? There's only one way to find out!</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Boy, the New 52-ass character designs in the DC logo opening sure didn't age well. When was Rebirth, like, the year before?</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiieS1OMuYlZCOd2ta6kDgeshF0TYArZAYKx63Wm6ouPWqRpy90ZTJBxqzRYAYIfKQu1QzbhhtduqHtjFOHoEiwsW5SG6isbXgU1GaquCEigv8OBEdIk39EgyvOLqLIrOi0CQgFKw/s1364/JL+01.PNG" style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="518" data-original-width="1364" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiieS1OMuYlZCOd2ta6kDgeshF0TYArZAYKx63Wm6ouPWqRpy90ZTJBxqzRYAYIfKQu1QzbhhtduqHtjFOHoEiwsW5SG6isbXgU1GaquCEigv8OBEdIk39EgyvOLqLIrOi0CQgFKw/w400-h153/JL+01.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>Pretty neat that it's got Mogo and Jessica Cruz in there, though. </div><div><br /></div><div>That cell phone scene was a lot better in my memory. Like, the kids with a podcast are kind of charming, but I remembered it being a good Superman moment, when it's really just kind of nothing. Certainly not enough to justify the extremely bad CGI. And is the negative space on the S-shield supposed to look so gray?</div><div><br /></div><div>Gotham City looks like the background of a Robert Rodriguez movie, but I actually like it here. It feels grimy and a little uncanny, the way Gotham should. A big building with "JANUS" on it in glowing letters and big coal chimneys out of Victorian London are what I want to see in Gotham, along with copious brooding gargoyles and enormous iron statues of Greek gods that you could drive a car on. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ9Wlo5bagwPqlnBPXmwPXcLpUI3drNRdfu8ryJF5xjABkzC6isbHQv9p1DLdwhWm1pHDk-SHo-PI4oQqCLSHw1EscxUxpTYz8zXF2Hq2xBum8OiY9pDHblQWRY5POIbGHU-u3jg/s1366/JL+02.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ9Wlo5bagwPqlnBPXmwPXcLpUI3drNRdfu8ryJF5xjABkzC6isbHQv9p1DLdwhWm1pHDk-SHo-PI4oQqCLSHw1EscxUxpTYz8zXF2Hq2xBum8OiY9pDHblQWRY5POIbGHU-u3jg/s320/JL+02.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A building that is continually being robbed by either Two-Face or Maxie Zeus</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfrwT2yf0eDlg3aKaVj6Mu7NTgIXPX5FvFp5a467hxi4ECf56_8wWANufTtdaeVTS4YqVTExOmktJ7m6pUbsSPtvaLm7Q0tswkBHYdPoNu6GGrNE_C3-G2fo2THaZk17EagbKEAA/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-16h35m14s988.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfrwT2yf0eDlg3aKaVj6Mu7NTgIXPX5FvFp5a467hxi4ECf56_8wWANufTtdaeVTS4YqVTExOmktJ7m6pUbsSPtvaLm7Q0tswkBHYdPoNu6GGrNE_C3-G2fo2THaZk17EagbKEAA/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-16h35m14s988.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Batman Forever," for comparison</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div></div><div>Ben Affleck's Batman rasp is at least as silly as Christian Bale's. Batman can just talk in a voice, my dudes. I watched bits of "Batman & Robin" and "Batman Forever" to track down the right screenshots, and it's so much better when Batman is a guy with a deep voice rather than a guy who sounds like he's gargling gravel and sand. </div><div><br /></div><div>The crook asking "where does that leave us?" because Superman's dead is a little weird given that Superman was a public figure in this universe for literally a year and a half. In 2021, it's a bit like asking how we could go on if Billie Eilish died, except Billie Eilish hasn't, to my knowledge, ever been involved in a fight that leveled a major city.</div><div><br /></div><div>The maudlin mourning sequence <i>probably</i> should have come before Batman backflipped over a snarling Kirby monster and "Mindhunter's" Holt McCallany hopped around on a rooftop, because I laughed out loud at the unhoused person's "I Tried" sign and I do not think that was the intended reaction. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhv4lGmZI4P90oRy2oav5sS-usHzvEHHu5WwS-WkRBy9raHzeFyKfnl-60YODODfi1j_1WAT5TMKZw0GkU44cqFf3moF8oaDzsUl7FgukQ3q8vEyZYesqrCnkfkU-d0bjkm53ANw/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-18h39m32s144.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhv4lGmZI4P90oRy2oav5sS-usHzvEHHu5WwS-WkRBy9raHzeFyKfnl-60YODODfi1j_1WAT5TMKZw0GkU44cqFf3moF8oaDzsUl7FgukQ3q8vEyZYesqrCnkfkU-d0bjkm53ANw/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-18h39m32s144.png" width="320" /></a></div><div>And then the Leonard Cohen cover gives way to the Danny Elfman score, and it sounds like "Batman" '89 again. God, this movie really is a mess. </div><div><br /></div><div>I appreciate Wonder Woman explaining her powers like she's in a Chris Claremont comic. How long until we get a superhero movie with a proper reference caption? I just want to see a box in "Into the Spider-Verse 2" that says "*It happened in Spectacular Spider-Man #206, True Believers!"</div><div><br /></div><div>I really wish superhero movies could stop having the scene where superheroes talk about how stupid superheroes are. It feels so self-conscious. Just embrace the concept without being ashamed of it, please.</div><div><br /></div><div>I also wish we could have dialogue less on the nose than everything Henry Allen says. He talks exclusively in clichés about movement—"running in circles," "standing still," "find your own path." We get it, he's talking to the Flash. </div><div><br /></div><div>I keep forgetting that this movie is a fetch quest. It could have worked if we'd seen more than Themyscira before. This could be like that sequence in "Avengers: Endgame" where we go on a little memory tour of the previous films, but instead it's a return to Paradise Island, our first brief, boring glimpse of Atlantis, and a nuclear plant cooling tower. This is one of the problems with setting the "let's get the team together" movie before you've met most of the team or established most of the set pieces. </div><div><br /></div><div>The boom tube effect is pretty good. It's a shame Steppenwolf looks so much like a character from a Zemeckis film. I do appreciate that Joss had enough restraint to avoid dropping "Magic Carpet Ride" or something when he showed up. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIYeBQO6B4CRAGgYELfxMiGsaZpW_tkGabpANhSCJ-6G9VmQ0glgOg92xDbPzkr0MXM31iE_wVsx63Ry_Qd5Y0TRnBqS96EKWXBUnqE_o2PrGIev89GKnVLdI3k8ik6YHzuBWnmw/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-18h56m17s498.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIYeBQO6B4CRAGgYELfxMiGsaZpW_tkGabpANhSCJ-6G9VmQ0glgOg92xDbPzkr0MXM31iE_wVsx63Ry_Qd5Y0TRnBqS96EKWXBUnqE_o2PrGIev89GKnVLdI3k8ik6YHzuBWnmw/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-18h56m17s498.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fus roh dah!</td></tr></tbody></table><div></div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I realize the ship has largely sailed on this, but the Amazons are supposed to be an incredibly advanced society; maybe we could stop depicting them as exclusively armed with bronze-age weaponry. </div><div><br /></div><div>You know, it's hard to see Lois Lane so...despondent? Demoralized? Even in the wake of Clark's death. Like, Lois was pretty weepy for a few issues of the comics after Superman died, but within two months she was accosting cops and breaking into Cadmus in a wetsuit and punching dudes in the teeth. Lois Lane is a stone cold badass, and the only film in this erstwhile trilogy that came close to understanding that was "Man of Steel."</div><div><br /></div><div>The frustrating thing about the dialogue is just how obvious it is that Joss knows how to write exactly as many characters as are on the Avengers. Batman just sounds like Tony Stark, Wonder Woman banters like Black Widow until she needs to exposit like Thor, it's just so lazy. </div><div><br /></div><div>And so is the backstory of the Mother Boxes. I actually really like the "all the races of man joined together with the gods and the Green Lanterns to repel Steppenwolf" angle, because it makes this idea of uniting as a League into a theme that you could build a movie around (that movie was "The Fellowship of the Ring"). Unfortunately, they do it by stripping the Mother Boxes of anything that made them interesting as a concept and turning Steppenwolf into a low-rent Thanos. Thanos is supposed to be a low-rent Darkseid, get it right. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was going to rag on Bruce for comparing Flash's suit to "the space shuttle" in the present tense, when the space shuttle program ended six years before this movie came out, but I suppose Bruce Wayne is a cranky old guy in this movie, so it kind of works. </div><div><br /></div><div>Man, poor Ray Fisher, in addition to everything else, having to read this warmed-over Bruce Banner dialogue. </div><div><br /></div><div>Not gonna lie, hearing the Elfman Batman theme is pretty great. It's nice that Batman and Wonder Woman have really solid, recognizable motifs in the score, even if they had to reach back 30 years to find one for Batman. It's a shame the other characters don't get anything so clear and distinctive. </div><div><br /></div><div>Casting J.K. Simmons as Commissioner Gordon was a pretty good move.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our first full glimpse of Cyborg is a bit uncomfortable. Up until this point, we've seen him in sweats, so seeing him without clothes...it's like that bit in "Cats" where Idris Elba takes off his coat and even though he's covered in CGI, you can't help but think "okay, he's naked now," a thought you only have because he was wearing clothes before. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJv9Nfu9E1dNVx2PpzaLqczNCh-XRGp-WPZVy34Yua4T3n5kg918ipyEpb_1HGtI7BjzInlhl1olguP5pm8rgdMnLOwD-eknxfJazGrzBMBx3lkYLaJMn8bdPv-5TC84IzthZ4rA/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-19h00m14s259.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJv9Nfu9E1dNVx2PpzaLqczNCh-XRGp-WPZVy34Yua4T3n5kg918ipyEpb_1HGtI7BjzInlhl1olguP5pm8rgdMnLOwD-eknxfJazGrzBMBx3lkYLaJMn8bdPv-5TC84IzthZ4rA/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-19h00m14s259.png" width="320" /></a></div><div>Batman does his "disappear while Gordon has his back turned" bit, and it becomes a gag because only Flash is left behind. Except that we've seen that Flash perceives things at a higher speed than others, so why would he be caught off-guard? Wouldn't their disappearance have happened in basically slow-motion to him? Why did Wonder Woman and Cyborg disappear when Batman did? How did they know to do that? The only reason Flash is left behind is for the gag, because he's the comic relief character right now, but it would make more sense for literally either of the others to be the one in that position. It feels like a "kill your darlings" moment. Like, they decided that this gag was more important than making sense, when they could easily have done a different gag—like Flash noticing that Batman was leaving and stopping him in the middle. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Nightcrawler is a bad idea. It doesn't really make sense as the thing Batman would bring to this fight with Steppenwolf, and it's loaded up with guns, which...come on, guys. It doesn't even get a clear enough spotlight to be properly toyetic. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you needed any confirmation that Joss saw how much better Quicksilver was in "X-Men: Days of Future Past" than in "Age of Ultron," the Flash is here in this battle to make it obvious. </div><div><br /></div><div>God, the "Flash is awkward about being on top of Wonder Woman" gag feels like it lasts a thousand years. It's like something out of a "Big Bang Theory" episode.</div><div><br /></div><div>It physically pained me to hear crappy Steppenwolf quoting <i>New Gods</i> #1. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know there's pathos to Cyborg's character, but, like, is this really the version that they thought people wanted to see? Is this just the Brooding League? I thought a part of the reason for bumping Cyborg up to the big League was to bring in people who love the version on "Teen Titans," but there's nothing of that character here. </div><div><br /></div><div>On the other hand, they've sidestepped the modern problem of making Barry Allen act like Wally West by instead making Barry Allen act like Bart Allen with a head injury. </div><div><br /></div><div>I really like Bruce Wayne in a vest. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEA7qDr1VbcGqzN0J5yS47BrH6DVDcsIaSw9JsHdAwP3lVaBKLiGaVuAVv7rt62zbDmVIMuG-QNBPxK0K_yQx4yS7Qn4RFYd03sEd2aC1RA8PX8AqZchD4yTTCW-NBolpiJ3kchg/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-19h56m32s382.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEA7qDr1VbcGqzN0J5yS47BrH6DVDcsIaSw9JsHdAwP3lVaBKLiGaVuAVv7rt62zbDmVIMuG-QNBPxK0K_yQx4yS7Qn4RFYd03sEd2aC1RA8PX8AqZchD4yTTCW-NBolpiJ3kchg/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-19h56m32s382.png" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>There's so many things that would have made this movie better, but honestly? I think Superman should've stayed dead. Obviously I love the character, and I even love Cavill's performance, but a movie about a superhero community coming together and being inspired by Superman's example to be better—you know, the thing Batman says at the end of "Dawn of Justice"—would have been a lot better than a movie where two characters we just met dig up Superman's grave to MacGuffin him back to life. It still wouldn't make that much sense that Superman would have such a massive impact after just a year and a half of public superheroing (come on, Snyder, if you're going to do the Christ allegory, why not give him three years?), but it would have been a better way to showcase what the character means to this universe and to these characters. </div><div><br /></div><div>This runs into something I said way back when I first saw "Man of Steel": You shouldn't make General Zod your first-movie villain. I've been comparing this film to "Age of Ultron" a lot, but I'm starting to realize that the entire DCEU—with the possible exception of "Wonder Woman"—is made up of the second movie in each character's respective franchises. Zod should have been the villain Superman faced after he was established, to raise doubts about the character's allegiances and present him with a seemingly impossible threat. Batman should have fought Superman <i>after</i> a movie where we established what Batman's deal is, how he got to be so angry and bitter. The Justice League should have faced an enemy too big to fight without Superman <i>after</i> the movie where a threat and Superman's legacy inspired them to unite together. Heck, even "Suicide Squad" would've been better if they'd saved the "one of our own is a traitor" plot for a sequel, where we might have some emotional attachment to some of the characters. </div><div><br /></div><div>Boy, Barry Allen attempting a fist bump with Cyborg and then laughing off the rejection with the phrase "racially charged" hits real bad in the wake of Ray Fisher's discussion about the environment on-set. </div><div><br /></div><div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXNFAz31BTo3WLyCLZMVFVsmHg_PUd83Gr8ib4HDZJHk-hptzjB_kbHH4AHJMt8G1wikGy8wMyeUkCsgar8DtR90I6Il4v79TTsQcrii5cLmYcL0hhcCvEpB3inpGeMczLGaqeQ/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-20h15m27s131.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxXNFAz31BTo3WLyCLZMVFVsmHg_PUd83Gr8ib4HDZJHk-hptzjB_kbHH4AHJMt8G1wikGy8wMyeUkCsgar8DtR90I6Il4v79TTsQcrii5cLmYcL0hhcCvEpB3inpGeMczLGaqeQ/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-20h15m27s131.png" width="320" /></a></div>One thing to appreciate about Cavill's Superman is how much he exemplifies the hairy-chested, dimple-chinned version that Dan Jurgens draws. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And Elfman works the John Williams theme into the score. The motif works well the first time, less so the second when he's trying to kill the Flash. Hitting it in a more minor key would have been nice. Again, it's a shame they had to go literally forty years back in time to find a recognizable Superman theme when there were two Superman movies leading up to this. </div><div><br /></div><div>This fight between Superman and the League is bad and unnecessary, but the bit where Superman reacts to Flash in super-speed is well-done, marred only by the incredibly doofy look on Flash's face. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7dTAy5pE8dOEARdVhQfVWhi_wzGj085IgWeKPPV_rADz3v9dwFYtWN6jYnBLZkxLByFXzmN6zcyDpH0bCWNVeuVFbhwOKo3NUvopqqEDLg9Pbk_WCZ5QLcyjCSoa5jVDC1wRggw/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-20h23m09s139.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7dTAy5pE8dOEARdVhQfVWhi_wzGj085IgWeKPPV_rADz3v9dwFYtWN6jYnBLZkxLByFXzmN6zcyDpH0bCWNVeuVFbhwOKo3NUvopqqEDLg9Pbk_WCZ5QLcyjCSoa5jVDC1wRggw/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-20h23m09s139.png" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>God, Cavill doing the gravel-voice, asking "Do you bleed?" might be the worst part of this movie. Although Lois Lane entering the plot for the first time in an hour so she can say "the sun's gettin' real low" to Superman is a close second. Why isn't she involved in the formation of the League? Why wasn't she a major character in this?</div><div><br /></div><div>Batman's "something's definitely bleeding" comedy bit feels like something out of a View Askew movie, and not only because it's Ben Affleck. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Clark's discussion with Lois, "it's itchy," it's yet another jarring tone shift from what we saw immediately before. And the greenscreen work on the farm (reshoots, I expect) is somehow worse than the moustache removal. </div><div><br /></div><div>The bit with Aquaman baring his soul because he's sitting on the Lasso of Truth is the closest one of the comedy bits in this has come to actually working for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then, adding to the "Age of Ultron" comparisons, we're back to fighting an enemy in a small Eastern European nation. The red skies <i>are</i> a nice touch. The Batmobile's 50-caliber cannon and chainguns, less so.</div><div><br /></div><div>Did...did the Flash just say "oh snap"? </div><div><br /></div><div>And Aquaman saying "my man" to Cyborg with the exact same inflection as Bradley Whitford in "Get Out" is another one of those real uncomfortable moments. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then Batman gets a laser gun, because why not? </div><div><br /></div><div>Superman asking "how can I help" and then rushing off to save civilians is maybe the best moment for the character in the entire DCEU. It's also nice that Superman gets a moment to help more or less each character with their individual missions. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then Wonder Woman drops the "I work with children" line, which is the best line Black Widow gets in this movie. </div><div><br /></div><div>Cyborg gets his "booyah" moment, which feels forced but at least makes some sense with his character arc. Flash gets his fistbump. Not-Sokovia gets to be the setting for a Jeff Vandermeer novel, and the team gets their triumphant moment in the sun. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmro5FAodgIbJwObmFtzvoRDZEK8D1MP6tpvvHeV74P6QsdplQRXyYzEfmeQjWIslYrJdETM8JIlwbCxwYmARK3YykwS-6SCOebGcCuKVTQ3pExEEKJLFlNB3A50DyCbmGo7PDQ/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-21h13m13s028.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmro5FAodgIbJwObmFtzvoRDZEK8D1MP6tpvvHeV74P6QsdplQRXyYzEfmeQjWIslYrJdETM8JIlwbCxwYmARK3YykwS-6SCOebGcCuKVTQ3pExEEKJLFlNB3A50DyCbmGo7PDQ/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-21h13m13s028.png" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>We're on to denouement, and Lois gets the closing narration, which is mostly fine. It would work better if she weren't basically a cameo in the movie. I do like that it ends on "look, up in the sky," and that Cavill finally gets a chance to do the shirt pull. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwOzzTb-lstzmjyKq_6g3K7rf2_CHetFUv1he3wkEUV-2VVCWLOeL_fpiUR7PO2Waxy2AKaqycHv0L0HbJdeJBqItAc8RAOW_7DkVr9XJUcBGdTcmme7rzaeN5DfgW0LGpGmSphg/s853/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-21h02m31s964.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="853" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwOzzTb-lstzmjyKq_6g3K7rf2_CHetFUv1he3wkEUV-2VVCWLOeL_fpiUR7PO2Waxy2AKaqycHv0L0HbJdeJBqItAc8RAOW_7DkVr9XJUcBGdTcmme7rzaeN5DfgW0LGpGmSphg/s320/vlcsnap-2021-03-19-21h02m31s964.png" width="320" /></a></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>Except that's not the end. First we get the beginning-of-credits scene with the Superman/Flash race, which is cute but unnecessary. And then a truly awful cover of "Come Together" before the post-credits sequence where Lex Luthor meets up with Deathstroke and his truly ridiculous dye job. </div><div><br /></div><span><!--more--></span><div><br /></div><div>In summary, Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League" is a bad movie. In fact, it's several bad movies stitched together into a shambling bad movie Frankenstein. And tomorrow I'm going to watch Zack Snyder's Zack Snyder's "Justice League: The Snyder Cut," which is getting surprisingly positive reviews. I do not expect to enjoy it, because I really don't think my problems with this movie will be fixed by making it broodier and longer, and my track record with enjoying Snyder's films is basically nonexistent. But I'm watching it, because I'm a glutton for punishment, and at least if I do it while I'm still on vacation from Twitter, I won't be tempted to join in the undoubtedly toxic discourse. </div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13848504.post-541553167144940212021-03-14T19:07:00.003-05:002021-03-14T19:08:01.976-05:00Superman & Lois - The Perks of Not Being a Wallflower<div>I was almost ready to comment on how this series is using single-word episode titles, just like "Smallville" did, but now we've got this mouthful playing on a book that was roughly contemporary with that show. It's pretty clunky, but whatever. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's nice that this episode gave us a break from the Luthor story, choosing instead to focus on Lois's investigation and some good character moments for the Kents and Lana's family. The mantra that "life is simpler in Smallville" gets an explicit repudiation, some fences are mended, and some new mysterious antagonists are introduced.</div><div><br /></div>Spoilers ahoy! <span id="fullpost"></span><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>If not for the enormous amount of COVID-imposed lead time this series had, and the amount of time it takes to write and record and add special effects to a live-action TV show, this episode would feel like a course correction for a lot of the problems I've had with the last couple of installments. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm writing this a little longer after watching the episode than I typically have, so I'm going to go plot-by-plot rather than chronologically through the episode. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Painting the House:</b> a cute scene, and a good way to remind us that, even with all the drama and the teen angst, the Kents are a loving family. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Jonathan & Jordan:</b> Jordan joining the football team is a neat plot point that goes in unexpected directions, given how that kind of thing has typically played out in Superman stories. I like the way that it sets up conflict with Jonathan in the beginning, but eventually he realizes that Jordan's not trying to take away the thing that makes him feel special. Jonathan being the one to convince Clark to let Jordan play—and making the case that Jordan's abilities just even the playing field with respect to his size—is a good moment of solidarity and understanding for him. </div><div><br /></div><div>And Jordan, for his part, really does seem like he's found what he needed. Being able to take out some aggression on the football field—and having Clark's support—ends up being the key to getting a handle on his anger and being able to solve some problems with kindness rather than sulking and violence. I also appreciate that at least one of our initial antagonists—Sean—has moved out of that role, at least for now.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Coach Clark:</b> There have been lots of attempts over the years to saddle Superman with various character flaws, but I think the one that fits best is being overprotective. On the macro scale, you get "Must There Be a Superman" and "King of the World," and on a micro scale you get stuff like this, being a bit of a helicopter parent and nearly losing Lois early in their relationship by eavesdropping. It rings true in a way that other attempted flaws—being dull-witted or indecisive—haven't. So it's nice here to see him realize it and acknowledge his mistakes, and to realize that he doesn't have to make the same choices his father did in order to keep his kids safe. After all, Jonathan Kent I didn't have superpowers. It'll also be nice for Clark to have a place to be earnest, mild-mannered Clark Kent, since he's outside the <i>Daily Planet</i> environment.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Lana and Sarah:</b> Somewhere in my drafts I have a post about poor Lana Lang, a character made to fill a niche—the Lois Lane analogue for Superboy—and has never had much of a life outside of that niche. Every time Lana is introduced into adult Clark's life, she has a different deal. She's a TV reporter with a British accent, she's married to Pete Ross, she's a successful engineer, but she's almost always the girl whose life fell to pieces in one way or another after Clark Kent left. It's not fair to either character—Clark's presence in a person's life should elevate them, not devastate them—and while I understand the reason for giving her a failing marriage and conflicts with her children, I do want to see Lana have a happy ending in <i>some</i> adaptation or incarnation. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I like Sarah as a character, and it's interesting to see how her story parallel's Jordan's, with her mother's overbearing overprotectiveness leading to conflict. It creates a contrast between how Clark and Lana are handling their respective teenage offspring, and gives them a nice bonding moment. It's easy to see how these bonding moments could turn into Lana trying to rekindle the old flame with Clark, and I <i>really </i>hope that doesn't happen, but platonic male-female friendships are rare enough on TV that I can imagine it's hard to set one up without everyone seeing a ship setting sail. </div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of ships, I know that Jordan and Sarah are an obvious pairing, but I hope Jordan is smart enough not to try to be her rebound relationship (and ruin his reconciliation with Sean). But honestly, I kind of hope Jordan is gay or bi, giving a way to tie his feelings of being different and search for identity to the struggles queer kids commonly face in an explicit way rather than an allegorical one. </div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously though, let Clark and Lois have a strong marriage that doesn't need to be threatened by the Other Woman for unnecessary drama. Let the drama build out of normal family conflicts, not tropes that were sexist and outdated when they were common in the Silver Age. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Lois's Story: </b>"The news comes to Lois Lane" seems to be an ongoing theme, as the next lead in her story just walks through the door of the <i>Smallville Gazette</i>. Unsurprisingly for a story involving Lois Lane, this leads to a conspiracy involving disappearing workers and super-powered enforcers. Lois explicitly makes the point I said earlier, that the stories in small towns <i>do</i> matter, and too often get overlooked because there aren't enough reporters covering them. </div><div><br /></div><div>The action scene where Lois is attacked by someone with Kryptonian-level abilities is pretty good. I always like when Superman enters a confrontation by trying to de-escalate before fighting, and I always like when Lois enters a confrontation by trying to fight before calling in the big guns. The fight between Superman and the assailant (who I think is credited as Subjekt 11, but I assumed that character was going to carry forward and, uh, doesn't look like he is) showcases both a nice escalation as Superman learns what the guy's strength is, and some nice uses of powers. The CW effects teams have gotten pretty creative over the years. The one issue I have is that Superman slams the guy through a cinderblock wall right at the start of the fight, before he's tested those abilities, and I feel like that would have done some real damage if he'd guessed wrong and the guy was a baseline human. The No-Prize Answer would be that either he scanned the guy before hitting him and knew, at baseline, that he was a meta, or that he knew Lois wouldn't call him unless she was dealing with a metahuman threat. Still, it bugs me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I do hope we learn more about what Subjekt-11 was. Metahuman? Kryptonian? Some kind of experiment? I'm frankly more interested in the Morgan Edge stuff than alt-universe Luthor. </div><div><br /></div><div>The woman who takes out Subjekt-11—who I guess was also with Edge at the meeting last episode—seems to be named Leslie Larr, no doubt a reference to Lesla-Lar, the Silver Age Kandorian villain who happened to be an exact double for Supergirl, because every major character had a double living in Kandor. Whether that means she's Kryptonian or some other swerve is something, I guess, we'll learn later.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Other: </b>I noticed an Easter Egg that I haven't seen reported anywhere else: The Whitty Banter Show! For those who don't remember, Whitty Banter was the host of a Metropolis talk show in the 80s and 90s; there's ads for it all over the Death of Superman Newstime issue. In trying to remind myself what Easter Egg I remembered catching, I also learned that <a href="http://www.kryptonsite.com/">Kryptonsite</a> still exists! What a blast from the past. There was a time, many moons ago, where that was a daily visit for me, along with the <a href="https://www.supermanhomepage.com/">Superman Homepage</a>. </div><div><br /></div><div>And Blogger.com, for that matter. But those days are clearly far behind us.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0