Ahoy, ye landlubbers! Today, we'll be checkin' out the nastiest, deadliest crew o' black-hearted curs e'er t' sail these seven seas.
Whazzat, Polly? Aye, aye, ye be a right fine bird, ye be. That's what I gets f'r list'nin' to Toungeless Pete. Like me parrot says, we'll be checkin' out the nastiest, deadliest crew o' black-hearted covers e'er to go on sale in a Winter that'll chill ye right to the bones. Yarrrrr.
First, on the starboard, we have the DSea books. P'raps there'll be a tale or two about the blue, briney deep, to read 'round the coals come nightfall, yarrrr.
Batman #660-661: Yarrr, John Ostrander be a fine writer, but that blackguard Mandrake makes me eye bleed, an' me empty socket glad it's empty. I'll be puttin' the black spot on this arc, mark me words.
All-Star Superman #7: There be nothin to dislike about that Frank Quitely fella, an' that Grant Morrison be one crazy scallywag. I'll drop me doubloons f'r this'ne.
Superman #659: Yarr, a haunting image that be. Reminds me of me own fearless, faithful mutt, lost to me when I was but a pup m'self. A vitamin deficiency took 'im, it was, but 'e was the finest scurvy dog e'er to roll in th' filth on the beach.
Action Comics #846: Mightn't this here be the new Zod? The beard's a fine choice, but th' John Waters moustache be makin' him look like a lily-livered dandy.
Supergirl & The Legion of Super-Heroes #25: Yarr, well that be spoilin' the surprise a bit, eh?
Avast! Off the port bow, that be the French clipper Le Marvel! Men, prepare for boardin'! We'll keelhaul the men and ravish the women!
What? What d'ye mean there's no women? Wherefore?
There be no women 'cause there be no women? Now what kind o' answer be that? Yarr, this be gettin' us nowhere. Let's send 'em all to Davy Jones an' plunder the solicits t' fill our pockets!
Ultimate Spider-Man #103: There be nothin' to hate about this book. 'Tis a shame Beardless Bagley's walkin' the plank so soon.
Sensational Spider-Man #33: Shiver me timbers, that cover be uglier than a bearded sea-hag! Cast it back t' th' murky depths with th'other foul, soulless hellspawns!
Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. #11: Yarr, 'round here Nextwave missed the mark more'n a blind Spaniard with a curved cannon, but this be a fine cover.
She-Hulk #14: A Greg Horn cover with nary a lass on't? 'Tis a strange sight to behold, aye, but nae so strange as Andy's giant head.
Yarrr! A fine haul we pulled in t'day, lads. Plenty o' booty to go 'round, wi' nary a Frank Miller page in sight. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!